And I never got out of my Pyjamas

I am the model of public service efficiency. Running my office, doing my job all from my family room. I have all the essentials at my fingertips: blackberry, laptop, timbits and Timmies coffee (it's a Canadian thing and no I didn't scare the customers with my jammies, Daniel brought it for me after driving the kids to school – school buses cancelled on account of the storm). I've made calls, checked in on my staff, edited speeches and touched base with the boss. I'm feeling more than efficient. I'm also feeling quite comfy as I sinch up my robe. Ah.... winter in Ottawa.

First big snow storm of the year hit yesterday – about a foot of snow since yesterday (it stopped about an hour ago) and not all that bad under normal circumstances but coupled with a MASSIVE transit strike it really sucks. This city relies heavily on its public transit system and normally it's a pretty good one. I take the bus back and forth to work each day. It's about a 40 minute ride and gets me from my sleepy little suburb to downtown in relative comfort. Not today, or tomorrow for that matter and probably not the next day. The two sides (idiots both) aren't even talking. So today I'm working from home. That is my plan for the rest of the week. Next week I need to go in. Efficient as I am I can't really run a unit from home. I'm not expecting things to improve transit wise but I won't have a choice. Perhaps I'll go in every second day ... ugh!

First Sleep Over

Kamryn had her enrolment ceremony for "Etincelles" (Sparks) last night. Its the Canadian equivalent of Girl Scouts for you guys I think (or whatever 6 year old girl scouts are). Followed by a camp-out in the Church basement - complete with tents! She was SOOOOO excited.

It was a VERY long day for her: piano lessons in the am, followed by a 3 hour gymnastics birthday party and the enrollment ceremony and "sleep"-over. I was nervous leaving her; Kamryn was quite happy though. We picked her up at ten this morning - obviously dead on her feet. When we suggested she skip Basketball this afternoon to sleep the tears started to flow so she is off to basketball - the walking dead.

Some pics:

Lighting her candle (the girl next to her is a Second year escorting her into the "Farandole" (I have no idea what that is in english sorry)).

With her Farandole.

After the ceremony next to her tent.

Really Long “Sam” Whine

This entry was originally a bulletin board post (I normally do this the other way round but didn't this time). I wrote it last week. This week he came home with a note from his teacher saying things are going better – go figure. I don't know what to do or where to go. Going to talk to our Family doctor on Friday regardless.

 

So the camel's back broke — in several places.

 

Sam is in trouble on the school bus AGAIN - I can't tell you how many times he has been in trouble since the school year started because I've lost track. The bus driver told my father (who met the bus) Tuesday that "this just can't continue." That was her way of giving a formal warning. He won't stay seated. He won't sit looking forward. And while yelling and benig generally disruptive he is also constantly reporting on what each and every OTHER child on the bus is doing. Seriously he's going to cause an accident.

 

Things in the classroom aren't much better. Although the teachers are at an advantage because we met with them before school started and coached them in what he needs. Clear, firm rules and consequences. He's not the only kid in the class and they can't watch him constantly. I was waiting/hoping that the teacher would raise the white flag first so that I could take Sam to the doctor and say "look here its not just us". Then Tuesday night, I spent some time going over his school agenda and all the flags are there in what she has written OVER and OVER and OVER again. Not to compare children (even though I'm going to but just to show that the teachers are reasonable as Kamryn isn't perfect) but in three years of school we've never gotten a negative note about Kamryn (in fact last night she had a note raving about the example she sets in class for others). Sam has been in school three months (exact same teacher as Kamryn had in JK) and he has five full pages with an average of 5 notes per page (although one note is really long). And all the notes basically say the same thing. He's been to the principal's office now twice. Daniel has been in to talk to the teacher once (because the volume of notes was getting a little out of control; she said he's working on his "problems"). We will have a formal meeting (Daniel's meeting was impromptu) with her when report cards come out in two weeks but I know exactly what she is going to say (and I'm not looking forward to hearing it). Interestingly at the beginning of the year she made a point of telling all the parents that "with 40 students in two classes, she didn't have the time to write notes and wouldn't unless there was something really pressing."

 

The school bus driver has had at least 6 discussions with us. We've tried punishment. We tried rewards. We've tried ignoring things. Now we're just going to yell for help. And before I get suggestions that maybe he's just not ready for school let me tell you that things at home... JUST AS BAD.

 

He has bad days and good days and on the good days things are so enjoyable (last night he cuddled up on the couch next to me while I was playing scrabble and contentedly prattled for an hour about his day pausing to read out the letters on the board and tell me I was going to lose ;)). On the bad days I just want to sob from frustration (this morning started off with him upending his ENTIRE breakfast (wasn't an accident! He was trying to be funny by holding the bowl upside down?!?) on the floor and then claiming innocently how he didn't do anything – ummm…. Did he think I wouldn't notice?). I'm exhausted and I'm frustrated.

 

He can be the most charming kid one moment and the next ... its just hard. For the entire family (including Sam who I believe really wants to "be good"). The comment we get from school most often is that he is trying really hard (and failing really dismally). The word used most often in his school Agenda is that he is "impulsive."

 

Sam's birthmother was diagnosed with severe ADHD as a child. Her mother claims it was a misdiagnosis and that what she suffers from is a brain injury. I would argue that despite the brain injury, the ADHD may have been/is an underlying condition. Also and possibly unrelated - his birthmother is an addict (drugs and alcohol) she didn't stop using (drugs not alcohol) until she was around 5 months along. Sam was followed VERY carefully for delays as an infant and has never had ANY. In fact his physical coordination is well ahead of his peers. He speaks two languages and academically he's perfectly where he is supposed to be.

 

But he has been a behavioural challenge since the very first hour he joined our family (at a year old). You would think we were the meanest parents on the block to watch us with him. He's on a VERY short leash but if you let it out even a little you've lost him (i.e. at 4 ½ he rides in the cart at the grocery store because it's the only way to ensure the entire trip isn't spent telling him: "don't touch this, don't touch that, come here, stop running, if you continue to twirl around you're going to hurt someone, no don't open that!".

 

We've suspected for many years that "sometime in the future" an ADHD diagnosis may be in order but I've always read that until the age of 6 it is not really possible to diagnose so I have never mentioned anything to our family doctor (that may come back to bite me). I've been waiting. I've tried to be patient but we are ALL miserable. I can't wait any longer. We need to do something now! I was going to call and make an appointment but have decided to wait until we see the doctor for his flue shot next Friday and ask her if he needs to be present or if we should just talk private. I'm terrified that she will tell me that we have to wait another year and a half to put him on a waiting list for even an evaluation. With our socialized medical care system I'm certain there is a waiting list and that its not short. I've made some inquiries on another board and been told that in Canada generally they don't evaluate kids until the age of 7 and that the school won't get involved until 3rd of 4th grade (by then Sam will have been expelled I fear. He certainly won't have any friends and will be "one of THOSE kids".).

 

I knew nothing about ADHD prior to Tuesday night when I actively started reading up on it. Denial is a strange thing – don't ask, don't tell. I'm stunned by the list of symptoms and how many things describe Sam's behaviour. The big one that got me was excessive crying. I thought he was just that kind of a kid (he cries constantly, loudly and for every little thing imaginable. It's his most annoying trait). It never occurred to me that it could be something beyond his control. For years I've been telling myself that he is all right. He can sit for instance, for an hour and work on a puzzle or play with his cars or even reading a book. Supposedly that's totally normal in ADHD kids as well - who knew.

 

This is a list of symptoms that I found on one site. There is only one thing on the list (loses things) that if asked to fill out a questionnaire I wouldn't mark as "strongly agree." I'm a little stunned I tell you.

 

1. Fidgets with hands or feet

2. Squirms in seat

3. Difficulty remaining seated

4. Easily distracted

5. Difficulty awaiting turn in games or group situations

6. Gives answers to questions before they are completed

7. Difficulty following instructions from others

8. Difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities

9. Shifts from one uncompleted task to another

10. Difficulty playing quietly

11. Talks excessively

12. Interrupts others

13. Does not seem to listen

14. Loses things

15. Engages in physically dangerous activities without considering the possible consequences

 

Anyway, wish us luck. I'm hoping the doctor will at least be willing to entertain our desperate need for some time of expert help. You know I'm honestly all right with being miserable with him at home (awful thing to say I know). It just kills me not to be able to run interference for him (which I realize now I've been doing for years) outside the home so that people don't prejudge him as an awful little boy.

And this is where I fall off the NaBloPoMo rollercoaster

I've decided I don't like posting daily. I just don't have that much to say or enough time to say it. I find myself guilty typing each evening with not much to say and this the lamest posts. So I don't think I'm going to try very hard anymore. I guess posting to say I'm not going to post goes against that decision.

I certainly won't tomorrow night though. Tomorrow I'm off to see Spamalot. Going to enjoy myself and kick back - not post. Cheerio.

Halloween candy will be the death of me!

It's so very bad for me but at the same time it's so very good. I just can't help myself I gorge on it every evening. I know I shouldn't but I can't stop. All day long I'm soooooo good and then in the evening I take huge giant steps backwards as I gorge on teeny weeny chocolate bars.

I keep meaning to take them to work and "dispose" or them but I can't. They are too yummy! Save me.

Disappointed

Tomorrow I was supposed to go on a field trip with Kamryn. Her class (and it turns out the rest of the school) is going to a local cinema to see a foreign film (yes I agree it is a weird field trip). I have previously avoided field trips because of the requirement that you speak French while on them. I don't mind speaking French to my kids and murdering the language but I'm shy about others. My French isn't that bad but I'm vain. Anyway I finally got over myself and volunteered to be a chaperone on this trip. Kamryn was VERY excited. She asked me timidly yesterday what would happen if I had to work and her trip was at the same time. I told her that that wouldn't happen. Then I rearranged my entire work day around this trip. This morning she bounded into my room full of excitement to inform me that "our trip" was tomorrow. Then later in the day when an important meeting conflicted with the trip I declined to attend and instead wrote down everything I needed conveyed at the meeting and entrusted someone else to represent my concerns. I decided to work from home tomorrow around the trip. I cleared everything with my boss. All set.

Got home today and there is a note from the teacher. They have too many attendees because while they intended on having grades 4 through 6 go on Friday they've changed it so that the entire school will go tomorrow. Kamryn didn't believe me when I told her that I couldn't attend. Poor kid. I had to show her the note (which she can't read) and promise that I would go on the next trip. The only problem there is that having made a big deal out of this trip it will be difficult (not impossible but I'm asking a lot here) to get the same slack at work for the next trip which is in just two weeks. Not to mention what will happen if for some odd reason they don't need me to chaperone the next trip either (although this seems unlikely). I can't believe that after been so reluctant to participate for SOOOOOO very long (we're going back to preschool here) having finally worked up my nerve I didn't get to follow though. I do feel all googly inside that Kamryn wants me to go with her so badly – I know I don't have very many more years of such intense "mommy-worship" left.

Watching the Race to 270

Wow. I'm beginning to be calm now. I've seen Ohio come in and figure things are a little more certain now although I realize that the way the US system is structured things can change radically very quickly.

 

While I'm talking about the US system – what the heck?!?

 

I was chatting with a colleague this morning about people waiting hours to vote. Her comment (and she should know having worked for NGOs election monitoring in East Timor of all places!) "that's what happens in third world countries."

 

I don't understand how one of the most advanced countries in the world has so much trouble holding an election. Like really – how can people all over the country vote in completely different ways. Makes no sense. Different options. different ways of voting.

 

It's so simple here. You can register to vote when you file your taxes and before an election your voting card is mailed to you telling you where to go and vote. If you haven't registered that way someone will likely visit your home prior to the election to register you. On election day you go to your polling place where you are given a ballot. You go into the booth, take a pencil and draw and X next to the candidate you want. You then put the ballot in the ballot box. It is exactly the same way in Conception Bay, Newfoundland as it is in Inuktitut, Nunavut or Montreal, Quebec. You MIGHT wait 5 – 10 minutes to vote if you go at a particularly busy time. It's so simple.

Anyway, I going to stop complaining and go and watch all the fun. Going to be a late night.

Got to say it again – wow!

Daylights Savings Time

I do believe it is fair to say that "Fall back" is kicking my fluffy derriere. Sorry this post is all I can manage today. Can't.... keep.... eyes... open a moment longer.

US Election

I'm very interested in the US election. Transfixed. Six months ago I truly didn't believe that a black man could be elected as US president in my lifetime. I still don't totally believe it and my stomach gets all butterflie when I think of Tuesday. My mother asked me the other day (in jest) who I was going to vote for because I'm watching things so closely and I guess talking about it all a little too much.

Today I tried to explain the whole thing to Kamryn. I try to explain things political to her. This is nothing new; its something I've always done. She, unlike most Canadian elementary school kids, knows who the Prime Minister and the leader of the Opposition is – as does Sam. Its stuff we talk about in kid terms. I thought given her heritage (half Kenyan/half "Canadian") Barack Obama was a particularly appropriate topic. So I tried to explain the whole black-white prejudice thing. Really hard to do in kid terms!

Then I tried to explain Barack Obama. Okay that fell completely flat. Barack Obama, according to my six year old, isn't black. Neither is she. Or her brother. Now she will readily tell you she isn't white either. She is brown. I am black and Papa is pink. Makes me feel kind of warm and happy inside (despite her rejection of her heritage) because it means that no one is teasing her or haranguing her for being "black." At her age, I didn't have it so lucky. Now she is right of course; she isn't black and her race is actually pretty hard to pin down without being given some clues. She's pretty ambiguous so maybe that is the reason for the lack of teasing. Not so her brother though and he was whom she compared to Obama: "he's not black, he's just like Sam and Sam is just like me." Okay ...

As in many of our political conversations, I quit while I was ahead. We'll talk about it again a little later. If the election turns out the way its expected she's going to study this election in history class one day, the way I studied JFK's election and hopefully be a little awestruck.

 

 

Halloween

Okay so its NaBloPoMo (or whatever) so I guess I should try. Here is a lame post to start off. Lame by its brevity not its cute content. :)

Here are Sam and Kamryn before trick or treating this evening. We had snow on the ground in morning and then by the evening they didn't even need jackets.

Warmest Halloween I've ever experienced and to think we had a snow storm two days ago.

I told them they could be whatever they wanted for Halloween as long as they wore Pirate costumes. In the end they were delighted to be pirates.

You have to click on the photos to see them properly - I don't know why but they are displying funny.

Mommy Brag and then some

So last week I had a mini-meltdown over problems Sam was having with elementary school. I didn't intend on it; it just kind of evolved from a question I asked on a bulletin board I frequent. I guess I needed the vent.

Anyway Sam and I had a big talk last Sunday about why we need to behave at school and on the bus. I asked him if it was difficult and bless his little heart he told me yes in this quiet little voice. So we made a deal that if he did well at school this week and didn't get in trouble he could have a surprise on Friday. He worked REALLY hard all week. I even got to see him in action myself as Daniel and I attended a school assembly they had - 200 kids sitting on the floor of the gymnasium for an hour of rather boring material and Sam sat and behaved the WHOLE time - many old kids got pulled out for not behaving and his class was a beehive of restless kids acting up. I was amazed by Sam's self restraint. At the end of each day he was so proud to tell me how well he was doing and on Friday since he didn't have any reportable incidents at school I took him to the Dollar store and let him buy anything he wanted (he chose a foam sword). He was so proud of himself AND he has complied all weekend with the warning that if he hit anything or anybody with the sword it will be taken away.

I'm a little in awe of this grown-up behaving little boy I'm seeing. I want to know what he did with Sam. I am aware that this is unlikely to be a completely permanent change but I'm not asking for perfection just progress and evidence of effort.

Then came the cherry on the cake - he started indoor soccer for his second year on Saturday. Last year this was a weekly disaster. He went with my his not so patient father and every week Daniel stormed in the door after soccer and ranted about how awful it was. I didn't have high hopes for this year either and was super shocked when Daniel called me after the class to tell me he was taking Sam out for "coffee" because he had been so good at soccer.

Turns out that not only did he behave but the coach is so impressed with his skills and athletic ability that he moving him to the 5/6 year old class. The coach said "if I leave him in this class [the 3/4 year old class] he's just going to use the other kids as pylons." I knew he was pretty good with a ball (any ball - last year they used to stick him in goal to give the other kids a chance at touching the ball once or twice) but I never imagined ... Advancing kids past their age group is not common in this program so the coach (who has a really good reputation) really much see something in Sam.

My only worry is that the 5/6 class is an "independent" class (the 3/4 class is a Parent and Me class). While Sam has mad skills, I'm not sure if he has the maturity to handle the independence of the older class. The coach has recognized this as well though (I think I love him) and has encouraged Daniel to "helicopter" parent a bit given that Sam will be up to two years younger than most of the kid's in the class. I'm so proud of Sam, *I* feel like I did something special - lol - and I of course did NOTHING.

Week 3

So this is week 3 of Weight Watchers. Kind of week 3 because I’m not going to meetings or anything and I didn’t weigh myself to start with so I don’t know where I started. I do know it couldn’t have been good though.

At week 3 my clothes are fitting better and I’m pleased with that but no one has noticed I have lost any weight, which is a little frustrating. I need the constant gratification. But really, there isn’t much to notice. I’ve probably dropped 5 lbs. Maybe less.

Daniel bought me a Wii Fit and I got on it last week and I was flabbergasted at how much I do weigh. Yikes. About ten pounds more than I thought. Makes sense my clothes don’t fit. I’m enormous! I’ve lost 2 – 3 pounds since getting the Wii so not all is lost. Progress is being made. SLOWLY.

Touch Down!

Well some parents feel melancholic when their last child starts elementary school. Not this time. Wednesday morning it was just an immense feeling of relief. lol I got him there and it didn't kill either of us. I'm exhausted. Never was there a child more ready to be at school than Sam.

The bus comes at 8:15. At 7:03 Sam woke me with a kiss and a warning that he didn't want to be late for the bus (i.e. get your butt out of bed Maman THIS is an important day). Normally I'm so organized but this morning I realized I hadn't labelled any of his clothes (the ones he is wearing or the spare set) or his knapsack or lunch box. Not that that took all that long.

He rode the bus to school with his sister (who was also bouncing off the walls with excitement for him) and we met him at school. I stood back where he couldn't see me and took a bunch of pictures of him just "hanging." He was a little nervous but mostly he was almost excited enough to jump out of his skin.

He's going to be a challenging student to have in the classroom. All power to praise to his teachers today and for years to come. Pictures:


Sam and his teacher at our intake interview LAST week:



Dressed (in a more Sam-friendly uniform shirt – he may never wear his white dress shirt ever again) and ready to go:



Running to the bus stop (just a wee bit excited):



Waiting for the bus:




Getting on the bus:



Arriving at school:



Off to class. He was transfixed by this little girl who I THINK the teacher put in charge of him because she realized he wasn’t going to follow calmly. That evening when I asked him if he made any friends she was who he mentioned (we know her because she is the older sister of one of older Kamryn’s friends). That’s the school Director next to them. She thinks he is cute. Little does she understand how well she will get to know him.

Eating

Okay I'm on a diet or a lifestyle change as Weight Watchers pushes over and over again. I got out all my old Weight Watchers materials and I've been following the program (on my own, I know not recommended) for 6 days now. I THINK I might be feeling a change but I'm not sure. I don't own a scale. I'm not going to buy one so I have to go on how my clothes fit. They weren't fitting at all and now I think they are beginning to fit a little but I'm not really sure how much of that is just in my head. I haven't gone over even one day. Tomorrow – my tenth anniversary I'm going to binge completely. But that's what flex points are for no? (probably not but hell, it's my tenth anniversary).

 

You want to know a nasty side effect of all this good eating? I'm disgusted by what the husband is eating. COMPLETELY. And I'm not exaggerating. He eats terribly. He eats like a teenage boy and he really shouldn't. BOTH his parents are diabetic. And he carries all his weight in a paunch around the middle – not at all good for his heart. Now it has always kind of bugged me. but now it is grossing me out. Maybe because I'm hyper aware of what I'm putting in my belly? Now to make matters worse he THINKS he is eating quite healthily. And really he eats a lot of fruit and drinks a lot of water and his meals themselves are not bad but it's the snacking. He snacks on crap. When he is the least bit hungry he must eat immediately and it has to be crappy snacks. He thinks they are healthy - Casava and plaintain chips, for instance. Okay they sound like they might be healthier for you than potato chips but in reality they have just as much fat and are just as bad for you. And he doesn't just have one snack – he'll have chips followed by ice cream followed by rice cakes (at least those are healthy) And then there is portion control. I have some nice "healthy" trail mix that I snack on. Well a small handful is a healthy serving. He will eat several handfuls while waiting for dinner to be ready – yikes. This drives me particularly nuts because the kids and I aren't snacking and he doesn't get the urgency behind getting dinner on the table without needless delays.

 

Anyway its really bugging me. And being about 30 lbs overweight and dieting for all of 6 days I don't feel I have a right to say anything but I just wanted to put down somewhere that its driving me absolutely insane.

First Day of School

Well Kamryn started school yesterday morning. She was so very excited. Bus was scheduled for 8:45; at 7:45 she came bounding into our bedroom (I'm still on holidays) all dressed and her hair combed to announce that she had eaten breakfast and was ready to go but no one had packed her a lunch yet. lol The school bus was a no show (no surprise was the same last year) so we drove her to school much to her disdain.

Major topic among her friends when they saw each other for the first time - teeth! It was hilarious they were all comparing mouths - all twenty or so of them.

The school has already called us about the bus. Seems the transportation company is having major problems. The administration is calling each and every parent. Insane.

I asked Kamryn what was the best part of first grade: "Maman you know you get THREE recesses! One in the morning! One in the Afternoon! And one AFTER lunch!" Ahhh... the simple things.

Sam drove me insane all day (he's better today) - he doesn't start 'til next week and he's lost without his playmate. Today we go off to the school with him for his intake interview. He already had a registration interview so this is his second encounter with the school – this school likes interviews. We'll put him in his uniform for the interview. I ironed his dress shirt because I figured it will be one of the only times he wears it. Unsupervised I fear for the poor shirts life. Golf shirts are a little hardier.

Roadtrip 2008

Okay this is lame. This video is 11 minutes long and it won't mean much to anybody unless they are a memeber of our family but I tried to upload it on Youtube to share with the kid's birthparents and failed because its to long. And this is the only way I know to load it on whatever the video program blogger uses is. So here is is. LOL I'm so technically savvy. Oh and the first minute or two are the same as my last video (just in case you have 12 minutes of your life to waste). Now I see that even loaded here it can't be shared seperate from my blog. I expect to have to burn it to DVD and mail it to them in the end.

Hotels

We are currently in our sixth hotel room in two weeks. Can someone please explain to me why they make electrical outlets so hard to find and use?

Returning to “Our home and native land...”

So here we are hurtling through Southern Ontario having just crossed the border. It's nice to be "home" again. Don't get me wrong, I like visiting the U.S. – very much actually. It's just different enough to be a bit of an adventure while being common enough to be easy. But there is a comfort to being in your home country and to carry it one further, your home province. Here I can complain righteously about things, safe in the knowledge that I have every right to complain, praise or try to change things. I have confidence that I know and understand the laws. Hell, that I know and understand the food! Who knew food could be so very different in places so much alike (there were sausages, biscuits and a HUGE TUB of white stuff that I later found out was gravy – yuck! Who eats gravy for breakfast?) And, I know where I am in the universe without consulting a map or our GPS.

 

Anyway, I enjoyed our little sojourn through the Northern U.S.. Michigan is really a beautiful state. I got to see it from one end to the other – twice! And Wisconsin is no slouch either. I'm firmly biased against Minnesota though because every time Daniel drives though he gets a ticket (we escaped unscathed this time). It's not even that we're speed demons either just bad luck and some confusing signage – thus the bias – it's like we are targeted because we have Canadian plates.

 

Oh! And I just clued in and turned on the radio. I'm so desperate for news: Canadian news... international news. I'm sorry but Americans do a piss poor job at relaying what's going on in the rest of the world. I know all about Obama, McCain, the US Olympic team and the Tropical Storm that hit Florida. I know a little about Russia and Georgia and there it ends. Although I must admit the "Daly Report" is a hoot! It's not real news. I'm desperate to know what's going on in the world beyond the US border. In 7 minutes (it's 7 minutes to the top of the hour) I will have real news. I'm not alone in my assessment of US broadcast journalism – Daniel gave a "Thank God" when the news started. lol

Anyway, on to more mundane topics. We are definitely getting to the point though where it's good this little journey is coming to an end. All this quantity time just might kill us. The kids are antsy and Daniel and I are just tired. Sam 24/7 is an exhausting proposition (at home when you're at the end of your rope you can always send him to his room – for the past 10 days though his room has been the same as my room. He's a good kid but he needs his alone time just as much as his parents. And Kamryn is just gone completely giddy. Getting her to bed each night is getting harder and harder.

Okay battery dying, more later...

My life just gets easier and easier

Tonight, I learned that I can publish directly to my blog from this version of Microsoft. Too cool. I love this new computer more and more. What it means for me is tons 'o convenience. What this means for you is probably more, less typo filled entries (no guarantees there lol).

Oh to see life through the eyes of a four-year old

So here we are in finally (it rained for the first two days we were here as if we'd done something to offend God) sunny Winnipeg. Yesterday we went to visit my Father-in-law. My father-in-law is a very sweet man who told the funniest little stories. He was laid back and just fun to be with. Kamryn used to follow him everywhere like a shadow; it was hilarious to watch. He didn't seem like a "kid person" but here was this little kid toddling after him and it was so obvious that he just loved it. The kid's don't remember that man. He was sick by the time we adopted Sam and never really got to know him all that well. Now he is a shrunken (he has gone from over 200 lbs to under 120) little man who doesn't speak. He spends his days wandering the ward in a wheelchair that they have had to strap weights to the wheels to keep him from moving too fast (he runs down the other patients). Yesterday was the first time I had seen him in three years. When I last saw him he wasn't the same man I had known but he could walk and talk and take care of himself. I didn't want to see him yesterday. I went because, I think, it was expected that I would. I really wanted to remember him the way I knew him before but hey I obviously needed to get over myself as this really wasn't about me. I was though quite nervous about having the kids see him.

   
 

They took it in stride. I think Kamryn was scared although despite many questions about how she was feeling and if she wanted to ask me anything she seems to have taken it all in stride. Sam was intrigued that Grandpérè didn`t talk. Like any child who has questions and doesn`t quite understand he managed to work the fact the Grandpérè didn`t talk into everything he said for the first 10 minutes or so of our visit. My father-in-law had taken a fall a few days earlier and had gotten some stitches so he had a bandage on his head. At one point Sam pointed out that he too had a "bobo" -- indicating a mostly healed scrape on his knee – but that he still talked. That out of the way Sam climbed into his father's lap and proceeded to play cards with Grandpérè (Who doesn't really play as much as hold tightly onto the cards). At the end of the visit Sam went over to his grandfather and gave him a very tender hug and marched happily off to the elevator. The visit really showed his personality. He is such a rough and tumble kid but when he needs to be he slows right down and can be so incredibly sensitive. I dare say he did better than all the rest of us (his uncle, aunt, 2 cousins, sister, mother and father). I think we all learned a little watching him.

My first film

So I made a little movie. Never done that before. I was in the hotel in Ironwood Michigan on night two of our wonderful voyage and bored and I have this snazzy new computer so I was goofing off. Hey - movie making is fun. I thought the kids would get a kick out of it but Kamryn's comment "you can't make a movie without video." Ah well.

There is kind of a sweet little (somewhat boring ;)) story around this video. We are navigating with a GPS and were searching for somewhere for lunch and not finding anything nearby. We saw a "pay-for-the-day" campground and decided to stop as we passed it. Looked pretty non-descript from the highway but behind all the trees was a really sweet spot. We had a quick lunch and then discovered the beach behind all those trees. The water was frigid! But pretty. It was a nice little surprise and a good break to a long day.

On the Road Again

Hi from Saginaw, Michigan - only about 10 hours from home. Only another 20 hours of driving left. Ugh.

You know we didn't even make it out of the driveway before we were all bickering over something. Thankfully things improved after that. Still a LONG day.

Good things - we hit almost no construction. Couple of miles in Southern Ontario. No real slow-up.

Bad things - Border was somewhat backed up but we only lost about 40 minutes there.

It really is easier to drive cross country with a 6 and a 4 year old rather than a 3 and a 1 year old.

Hotel room smells funny.

Oh, when the customs agent asked us if we had anything with us that we planned on leaving in the US when we left (in 2 days) is it bad that I muttered "the children."

In my defence - when is the one time you want you kids to sit quietly and respectfully? Need I explain what my kids were doing? Ugh!

Cheers all!

Picture of Kamryn on Canada Day (July 1st)

Waving

Hello anyone who is still left reading. I haven't abandonned the blog ... quite. Not sure what I'm doing and I guess I should figure that out soon. I can no longer post from work as they have blocked the website. Can't read either which I really miss. :( I can post from home though and really should.

Anyway, I do owe a real post and will endeavour to write one in the next few days. So watch this space. :) I'll be back. Cheerio.

Turns out that you can't will a UTI healed

The good news is that I didn't expire overnight when I realized that the my kidneys were not supposed to feel so abused. Also, that after some really good antibiotics and a day sleeping that I'm getting an entry in courtesy of my shiny new lap top. Bad news is that its going to be a really short one.

Big Day for Kamryn Today

It was a PD day at school so she had the day off. Came and joined me downtown at my office and then DH took her across the street to that mall and got 9 inches chopped off her hair. It's what she wanted (a mantra I've been repeating to myself all day lol)

Here are a couple of shots.

This is Easter Weekend and the best "before" shot I have (In deep denial I didn't take a real "before" shot today).




And afterwards, clearly thrilled:




And with her truncated pony tail which I have decreed will go to the cancer society. Kamryn isn't so generous and would just like to keep it to play with (in truth I think she is just a little sad and would like to somehow re-attach it.)

Sigh

A colleague’s wife lost her baby this weekend at 14 weeks. Not that it would have made the pain any less if he hadn't of, but he just shared with everyone that she was expecting (their second child). They’ve had an ultrasound. They saw a heartbeat. They waited until they got out of the first trimester. They shared their happy news and now devastation.

As luck would have it – I’m his boss this week so he called to tell me he wouldn’t be in and to share why. He also gave me permission to share his sad news with the rest of our colleagues. Is it selfish to wish someone else had had that job? Anyway I shared it with out little section and then went up to the morning staff meeting with the other two section heads, our admin clerk and, our Director (all men) to tell them. Okay out of this group of 4 men + me we have 4 father’s or father’s to be. Two of them are expecting babies, one in a few weeks and one right around the time my colleagues wife was due. My director has two girls. Everyone expressed sympathy and then some bizarre need to bury the issue. The consensus seemed to be that to much of an acknowledgement would “draw attention to ‘it’” and “would serve as a reminder” as if it no one said anything they would just forget by next week. GRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I don’t understand this. If they had lost a living child would not having a funeral make it easier? I’ve heard about these attitudes surrounding miscarriages but this is the first direct involvement I’ve had in it. Makes me a little angry. I did manage to convince them that a card (not a sympathy card but a thinking of you card; that was very important to my Director!) would be appropriate. Have I sighed enough yet?

I am Niles Crane.

Okay I’m hanging my head in shame but I just came from the coffee shop (not Starbucks - I've decided I don't like Starbucks BUT there are MUCH better alternatives in Canada so no worries). I had to use my fingers to keep my order straight. Medium, non-fat, de-caf, no whip Moccacino latte. Yes, it’s a bit ridiculous. And now the kid’s can’t go to university because I spent their college savings to purchase said Latte. Ah well. It was yummy and I gave lattes up for lent and it was torturous. Lent is over. Perhaps they will both grow up to be baristas instead of barristers. I can only hope.

Pots, Kettles and maybe a frying pan or two.

We had my cousin and his wife for dinner on Saturday. It’s been forever since I’ve spent any real time with their 3 ½ year old son. It’s been awhile since they’ve been over to visit and he hasn’t been sick (i.e. sick equals glued to Mommy and VERY quiet). It was a sad evening. I couldn’t wait for them to leave and take their brat with them. Oh My. He was SUCH a sweet, quiet, easy child. We were the ones everyone in the family whispered about after we left. Us and our ADOPTED little hellion. That used to bug me – the fact I knew they were saying things about poor Sam and no doubt blaming it on his origins. Now I’m even more angry because they are still saying nasty stuff about Sam behind our backs and comparing him unfavorably to a child whose presence I couldn’t wait to be free of. I have no real proof of what is being said just a VERY strong suspicion and an in depth knowledge of what my extended family is like.

Sam is a handful – always has been and probably always will. He is spirited, spunky, determined and aggressive. He is rough and tumble and the kind of boy you always hear described as “all boy.” BUT he will generally listen when you tell him things (once you’ve managed to get his attention as he runs around the room like a bee on heroin that is. ;) He eats well. He sleeps like an angel. You can discipline him and it has a noticeable effect on his behavior. He really is a lot easier to handle than it might seem on observing us parenting him. He does X we do Y and everything ends up plotted nicely on the Z axis. More importantly everyday it gets just a little easier.

Not so Lord Fauntelroy. He destroyed our family room – toys EVERYWHERE. Okay he’s a kid we’ll excuse that. When the time came to clean up though who didn’t help at all? We sat down to dinner. I have some vintage kid’s dishes that I didn’t give the boys because I’m not crazy. Kamryn though had one. She was sitting next to Little Lord Fauntelroy. He immediately began pounding on the dish with his spoon. His mother told him to stop. He continued so she told him to stop again with pretty much the same result. Ummm… so she said stop again. Real effective! He’s not 15 months old here he’s 3 ½ and plenty capable of listening. We needn’t have had him at the table anyways. He didn’t eat anything and basically wanted down immediately. Kudos for my children who sat and ate with everyone and chatted and were basically angels.

Then bed time. I put all the kids up to bed (Fauntelroy was going to nap until it was time for his parents to leave; we were going to watch Little Miss Sunshine – NOT a kid’s movie.) I read stories to everyone and got everyone snuggled up in bed. We started to watch the movie. Who should wander downstairs because he had to go to the bathroom no more than ten minutes later. No fair you peeked at the answer! He comes into the room where we are watching the movie and announces that he is staying because “Mommy said I could.” Okay whatever. At this point I didn’t stop the movie – he’s not my kid and there was a perfectly good bed for him that he was happy staying in until “Mommy said I could.” By the end of the film he was muttering “F***ing losers” along with the character in the movie. Smart kid. Learns some things without much prompting. Again – not my kid.

Oh and then there was the crying about how he was hungry – I would be too if I’d eaten what he didn’t for dinner – and wanted chips. I offered crackers so there was a meltdown over chips. I bowed out. Not my kid. My brain was screaming “take him home!” I think they heard because they departed soon after. It was 10:30. It seriously felt MUCH later.

It might not seem that much but it was just one thing after another strung together with whining. I never want him to come over again. I know I won’t invite them over to dinner that’s not a family gathering ever again. They often ask us to watch him for the weekend. I’m lining up my excuses why we can’t now.

He was SUCH a sweet kid. A few boundaries and we’d still be raving about him. Cousin’s wife is due to have another in 6 weeks or so. Lord help them. Really burns me though that Sam is characterized as the “bad” kid. Is it wrong of me to look forward to family events so that others will notice how good he actually is.

What a blast we had!

What a day. The most snowfall in one storm I can ever remember (2 feet). The worst winter for snow that I can remember (more than 13 feet). My neighbour noted that we can now walk from his yard into ours with ease, careful don't trip over the 8 foot fence. I must say though we had the most fun.

The kids played outside for two hours, went in and warmed up and then went back outside again. It was about – 12 and no one cared. Everyone in the neighbourhood was out. It was like a huge block party. We had 4 snowblowers going and a lot of shovels. And just a lot of standing around being neighbourly. We used the snowhill on our front lawn as a toboggan run (my lawn - during the summer is COMPLETELY flat; no hill, no remarkable slope). Parents stood in the street to watch for cars – they were few and as the street hasn’t been plowed completely yet and is near impassable nothing was going very fast anyway. One parent at the top of the hill (the top is even with the second story of my house!) to police who’s turn it was next and let the fun begin.

What a way to spring forward. I took a ton of photos – none very good because its hard to shoot in snow and I’m not the best photographer. But here’s a little of our day.

The trek up the hill.



Said hill.



Kamryn at the top.



Kamryn at the bottom.







Same at the top of the hill.






And my last photo: Back on the 3rd of January when I THOUGHT we had a lot of snow I took this shot. I've put the one I took this morning next to it. It looks sooooooooooo paltry now. lol Kamryn is about 47 inches tall to give you some perspective. Our neighbour who is just a big kid at heart is working on building a luge run on the front lawn - seriously!

Winter Wallop

This is the worst storm I have ever lived through. Keeping in mind that we already have had over 300 cm of snow this winter (I think we were at 350 or so) with about a third of it still on the ground, this is just a little insane. It started snowing yesterday about 3 pm and snowed all night. We got 17 cm – a fair amount but then the real storm hit, along with 70 km/h winds. It’s just a little scary out. I can’t see the house-across-the-street's first floor out my front window because I can’t see over the 10-foot tall mountain on my lawn. The snow in the backyard (where no one has walked for weeks now) is EVEN with the top rail of our deck. Not all that impressive you say until you realize that the deck is 4 feet off the ground. So that's about 7 feet of snow. I don’t mean to say there is a pile of snow that high – ALL the snow in the back yard is that high.

Here’s hoping that the power stays on.

I sent the following photos
(taken this morning during the "break") to my parents who are vacationing in the Caribbean.

Want to join me in a depressive little journey?

It’s funny the things that get you going.

On one of the boards a read, someone was posting recently on the pain of infertility. I was sympathetic but at the same time I was congratulating myself for not really getting those feelings anymore. Yes, I’m sad that I have never been and will likely never be pregnant but its not taking up all that many brina cells. Also I’m not dreaming constantly about a miracle surprise pregnancy anymore. I don’t even try to line things up so that it would be possible. I can’t tell you when my last AF was. I can’t tell you when it’s due (that’s partially due to some messed up stuff that is happening but that’s another story). I’m happy with my life and my family. So reading that particular post I was quite smug in how mentally healthy I saw myself.

Quite soon after -- hours maybe -- I’m sitting on the bus on the way home from work. Minding my own business and a random song comes up on my MP3 player: Make it Better, by Holly Cole and all of a sudden I’m (inwardly) a messy pile of goo. It was kind of a shock; all this emotion was washed over me and left me spent and a not a little stunned. It just brought back a really intense memory: a night of insomnia (I get insomnia when I’m upset or stressed) sitting on the couch in my old house (so 8 years ago!) listening to that song over and over and over again and crying. All over another visit by AF and the hopelessness of it all. I might have written about it then. It was a bad time. It’s over though and why I should have this reaction at the very sound of the song? Kind of sucks. I like the song. I guess it is kind of depressing though. Lol

Want to be depressed too? Here are they lyrics:

Make it go away or make it better
Isn't that what love's supposed to do
Make it go away or make it better
Cause I would do either one for you

This is not the way you should see me
This is not the face I recognize
Could I lay my head down here for a moment
Would you sing to me like I'm your child
Cause I'm not angry I'm not crying
I'm just in over my head
You could be the angel that stayed on my shoulder
When all of the other angels left

Make it go away or make it better
Cause I am waking
This more then one should have to take
If you do this for me then I will promise
I'll make it go away for you someday

There are reasons silver linings
There are lessons but I don't care
Cause I just need a hand that I can hold onto
When it's darker then death out there

I'm so cold
And so far away from my home
But tonight you're
You're where I belong
You're everything right
When I'm everything wrong

Make it go away or make it better
Isn't that what love's supposed to do
Make it go away or make it better
Cause I would do either one for you
(repeat)

January 9th 2008 circa 10:10 am

What made is there to say. Except the tooth fairy generously laid out $5 and a really cool book. Oh and what you can see behind the space where her tooth used to be is her permanent tooth. It's pretty much all the way in but of course there is no room for it. This kid is going to cost me some money.

My impressions on living in a snow globe…

Okay I have no impressions. Lot’s of whining though.

I was struck as I left the house this morning by just how much snow has accumulated on our front lawn. It’s a little ridiculous. I’m 5’9”; in my winter boots, I’m probably just under 6’. The snow bank on my front lawn is a good foot higher than that. And it’s snowing. AGAIN. In fact I don’t think it has ever stopped snowing. Every day we get a little bit of snow - an inch here, half and inch there. And then God has a real chuckle and we get a good foot or more dumped on us. Before you know it: 7-foot snow bank on the front lawn.

I looked out the bus window on the way home from work yesterday and my eyes were just even with the tops of the snow banks. That’s just insane. Snow-clearing here is a well practiced art. When we were flying to Chicago, the woman sitting next to me on the plane was a from Chicago. She was proudly telling me about how many plows Chicago had - about 275 I think. I pointed out to her that in a city half the size of Chicago (possibly even smaller I don’t exactly know how big Chicago is; yup even smaller I googled it. We are about 1/3 the size.) we had almost double that. But even with all that - with 479 plows - the city can keep up even a little. The budget ($65 million) has been blown but even throwing more money at the problem isn’t helping. There just isn’t the capacity to do more. People have stopped griping (well almost) because it’s pointless. It’s obvious this isn’t anyone’s fault. I think at this point the only thing that has saved us was an insanely warm January thaw that allowed about 2 feet of snow to melt.

I have no doubt that there is more snow coming. Heck it’s supposed to snow all weekend - not a storm just a steady and relentless dusting. The next big storm will have us all yelling “uncle.”

From last week’s paper (we’ve had a 15 cm or 6 inches more since then):

And according to its records, the capital had seen 223.2 centimetres [7 ½ feet] of snow hit city streets prior to yesterday's storm, which puts it slightly ahead of the record-setting 208.9 centimetres of snow that fell between November 1970 and the end of January 1971.

My parents have a certificate that the local paper was handing out in 1971 that said “I survived the winter of ’71.” It was that bad.

After All That Anticipation

W’re back from a wonderful week at Disneyworld. I can’t say we visited Orlando because we literally never left the property. Who would have thought you could easily fill 7 days that way? Busy. Busy. Busy. We fell into bed every night exhausted and by the last night my legs, feet and back hurt so much from walking and standing that you would have thought I’d undertaken a new exercise program but we had fun.

The kids had a blast. Kamryn is a roller coaster junkie – completely. She begged to go on Big Thunder Mountain, Space Mountain and Expedition Everest. She did Space Mountain 3 times in a row (once back to back) and Expedition Everest back to back. While her father and I squeezed our eyes shut in fear on Expedition Everest she laughed like she was being tickled. Crazy kid. I don’t know if this is just the way she is or if it’s an age thing that will go away when she develops some common sense. I didn’t take her on Tower of Terror because I thought it was mean to put a small child through that (as evidenced by the 6 year old who cried hysterically from the moment the ride I was on started) but I think I might have actually made a mistake. I think she might have enjoyed it.

Sam wasn’t so adventurous. We scared him for life by taking him through the Haunted House and the Pirates of the Caribbean and on Dinosaur. I was nervous about Dinosaur and kept asking Daniel if we should leave him behind but Daniel insisted that Sam would be fine. Yikes. He was wrong. Kudos to my little man though – crier that he is – he didn’t shed one tear. He was obviously rattled though. He told me quite bravely on finishing Pirates of the Caribbean that he wasn’t scared. But when I asked him if he wanted to do it again, he didn’t let me finish asking the question before he said no. Strangely though he seems obsessed with that ride and talked about it endlessly (in a positive way).

The hotel was lovely. We stayed on Disney property at the Wilderness Lodge. The convenience of not needing a car and being so close to your hotel was delightful. We had the option of either a bus of a boat for travel. It really does add an element of relaxation in to a very full and active vacation. I knew that staying on Disney property in a deluxe resort would probably wreck me for anything else and I must admit it has. I can’t imagine staying offsite and I can’t imagine staying in anything less than a deluxe hotel. Yikes – can we afford to do that again in a few years. I hope so.

We got EXACTLY what we were hoping for out of this vacation. The kids had a magical time. They interacted with the characters and even Kamryn (who had expressed some doubts before going) really believed that the characters she was meeting were real. They could ride most of the rides – we only missed out on Primeval Whirl and the Rockin’Roller Coaster I think. They did fine stamina wise and although they were a lot of work supervision wise; they would have been a lot of work on a trip anywhere. In the Magic Kingdom there was so much to keep them entertained it was no work at all really. I enjoyed the other parks less – fewer kiddie rides more work to keep them entertained. Ironically, the park that was the hardest was Animal Kingdom. I guess the kids just aren’t really into animals.

The trip home was a nightmare. We left the hotel on Disney transportation at 1:35 and got to the airport at 3:00 pm (its kind of a milk run). Our flight was at 4:16. So we get to the ticket desk (because we were flying internationally we couldn’t check in at the resort) and United has a sign that says luggage may not exceed 50 lbs per bag. Sigh. We had three bags for the four of us. Two hard suitcases, one small and one large, and a large soft sided bag. The smallest suitcase weighted 32 lbs. The big soft sided one 44 lbs and the big hard-sided one 66 lbs. It was a $50 penalty for those suitcases that exceeded the limit. One I wasn’t going to pay. So I started repacking and rearranging stuff. Putting stuff in the carry-ons etc. After about 20 minutes and three weigh-ins I get the big bag down to 49.3 lbs. We get in line to check-in. We get to the kiosk, enter our information and it comes up on the screen that we are too late to check luggage for our flight. So panicking I get out of that line and into another line to have an actual person help me. We spend 10 minutes standing in that line and when I get to the desk I tell the clerk that he needs to re-book us because no doubt we’ve missed our flight. Then he tells me it’s all right because my flight is delayed. I should have realized that that wasn’t good news.

We were flying through Chicago and in Chicago there was a raging snow storm. We got to the gate at 4:30. I was still oblivious to the trouble we were in. I clued in when I saw the line at the gate. I joined said line and stood in it for over an hour; when I finally got to the front about 6:10 the gate clerk strongly encouraged me to get on the flight (it was boarding at that point) and assured me that my connecting flight was probably delayed and I should chance the trip to Chicago – BIG MISTAKE.

When we got to Chicago three hours later our connecting flight home had been cancelled, there was a two hour wait for customer service and we had few options. We took one of those options and got on a flight for Toronto – meanwhile we had been ticketed out of Chicago at 6 am the next morning but no one mentioned that to us they just sent us on our way to Toronto. When we got to Toronto at 2 am there was no one to help us (United desk was closed) and Air Canada was already cancelling flights to Ottawa. Air Canada couldn’t help us (put us stand-by on a flight, ticket us etc.) without a ticket from United. I made bed for the kids out of coats in front on the United desk and put them to sleep. We were first in line when the United desk opened at 4:45 am. And the agent quite rudely and dismissively refused to serve us. Her reasoning which she deigned to yell at us was that “we would take a long time; and her priority were the 1st class passengers in line who had tickets.” Wow. We know where United priorities are. Remember my children are right there sleeping on the floor.

We had to wait an additional half hour for the ticket seller to open. She was wonderful and worked hard to help us. On top of that and Air Canada clerk all of a sudden appeared in the line; trying to help someone out who was in a similar situation to ours and whose tickets were also messed up by United. The United ticket seller got us booked on a flight at 12:10 (a flight which incidentally was later cancelled because of the weather) and sent us to Air Canada. The angel at the Air Canada desk somehow moved heaven and earth to get us on the 7:10 flight out. I have no idea how as there was a stand-by list a mile long. That was the second last flight out of Toronto that day (the 8:10 was cancelled; the 9:10 made it out and that was that), so she really saved us. We actually pulled back from the gate on time but then sat on the runway for another hour and a half. I was positive we weren’t going to make it out and so relieved when we finally took off. Our luggage caught up with us the two days later – wet and with a broken lock for some reason and I didn’t even care. Never should have left Orlando. Lesson for next time I guess.

Anyway that was our trip. Mostly good and if the bad had to happen it only happened at the very end which is fine with me.

Our only souvenir of the trip is that Kamryn seems to have stomach flu very bad so I’m home with her today instead of at work. Poor kid hasn’t eaten anything save a bowl of broth since noon on Saturday and has been throwing up anything (even the tiniest amount of water or Gatorade that passes her lips). Not the greatest end to a vacation.

Our Christmas and a little bit of snow.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I thought I would share a bit of ours before the 12 days of Christmas (lots of people are back to their normal lives but not us… yet) comes to an end.

We did a little sledding the weekend before Christmas. The only problem with going down is the walk back up.



Christmas Eve



Because I’m a mean Mom – Christmas morning BEFORE they were allowed to go downstairs to see what Santa had left.



Christmas morning discovering that Santa delivered just as requested.




New Year’s Eve heading out to a party. I don’t think they lasted an hour at the party before they wanted to put their PJs on even though they didn’t get to sleep until after midnight.




Oh and I promised snow. I took this in our driveway this morning. It was – 10 F. Wicked cold. Sigh. We’ve had almost 70 inches of snow so far this winter – more coming tonight I think. The good news is that its supposed to get ridiculously warm next week and hopefully some of it will melt because we’re running out of places to put it. Some guy in Montreal (2 hours east of here) sold the snow bank on his front lawn on E-bay for $3500 (proceeds to Charity). Now why didn’t I think of that?