Sigh

A colleague’s wife lost her baby this weekend at 14 weeks. Not that it would have made the pain any less if he hadn't of, but he just shared with everyone that she was expecting (their second child). They’ve had an ultrasound. They saw a heartbeat. They waited until they got out of the first trimester. They shared their happy news and now devastation.

As luck would have it – I’m his boss this week so he called to tell me he wouldn’t be in and to share why. He also gave me permission to share his sad news with the rest of our colleagues. Is it selfish to wish someone else had had that job? Anyway I shared it with out little section and then went up to the morning staff meeting with the other two section heads, our admin clerk and, our Director (all men) to tell them. Okay out of this group of 4 men + me we have 4 father’s or father’s to be. Two of them are expecting babies, one in a few weeks and one right around the time my colleagues wife was due. My director has two girls. Everyone expressed sympathy and then some bizarre need to bury the issue. The consensus seemed to be that to much of an acknowledgement would “draw attention to ‘it’” and “would serve as a reminder” as if it no one said anything they would just forget by next week. GRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I don’t understand this. If they had lost a living child would not having a funeral make it easier? I’ve heard about these attitudes surrounding miscarriages but this is the first direct involvement I’ve had in it. Makes me a little angry. I did manage to convince them that a card (not a sympathy card but a thinking of you card; that was very important to my Director!) would be appropriate. Have I sighed enough yet?