Laundry

So its 4 am and I've given up on trying to get back to sleep -- something I have been working on hard since about 1:30 am. Now I'm doing laundry and considering making cookies and of course blogging. I was truly wiped out when I went to sleep at around 11:00 and then I woke up (the first time; it was 12:30 or so) and Daniel was not in bed (when I fell asleep he was watching the news next to me). This is not unusual. He often gets up and out of bed when I pass out and heads downstairs to watch TV, play video games, surf etc. It annoys me but just because I'm tired doesn't mean he needs to be. So at 12:30, trying to be adult and not be an annoying wife, I rolled over and went back to sleep. At 1:30 when I woke again and noticed he wasn't in bed it wasn't as easy to roll over and go back to sleep.

I lay there and thought about how the kids would be up at 8:00 and good kids as they are they would amuse themselves and wait for us to get up for an hour or so... so 9:00 and then they would amuse themselves some more. I have good kids. But after 9:00 there is no way they should be amusing themselves. Its not fair to them for their parents to sleep until noon - we're not teenagers. We have responsibilities.

Its also not fair to me to have to get up with the kids while my husband sleep til noon either. He always does this; if we drag him out of bed he is moody and resentful for the rest of the day. It drives me nuts. And that got me annoyed that he is jobless and apparently not doing much about it (he is going back to school in the fall using magical money that will fall from heaven to pay his tuition. What he is not doing is finding a part-time job to help with expenses.). And then I started thinking that the ceiling in the basement is still lacking a coat of paint. And that I had to nag him to cut the grass this week. And that while the kids are with my parents this week I would like to paint the family room and he's already dragging his feet about that. And well there went sleep for the night. I was just laying in bed being mad.

So then I told him I was mad/annoyed and that it was preventing me from sleeping (this was some sort of therapy for me that I hoped would bring on sleep). It probably would have worked if we could have had an arguement but we've never had an arguement because Daniel doesn't argue. In this case he mumbled a half hearted apology and rolled over and went to sleep. I'm sure you can understand how infuriating it is to have the cause of your insomnia snore contentedly next to you. So I just got more and more angry and more and more awake. May I mention that almost nothing keeps me up at night except being angry with Daniel (infertility heartache was the only other thing - I would get up in the middle of the night to cry - good grief).

So here I am. 4:30 am. Doing laundry.