And thus ends day one of my life as a single parent ...

No Daniel hasn't left me; well entirely. He's gone home to help his parents out for a few days. His father is very ill with Alzheimers and his mother is very alone. To go with the kids would be no help at all. They are noisy and rambunctious and would just annoy their grandfather who I doubt would know who they were or why the were there. :( Makes me want to cry. As a toddler, Kamryn used to follow her grandpérè around everywhere and he just ate it all up. He wasn't with it enough when we visited last summer to truly understand where Sam even came from. I just spent all my time trying to keep Sam out of his way. Okay I am starting to cry so I must stop talking about Luc. Say a prayer for him please...

I took the day off work because my parents schedules just weren't lining up at all today and I needed to stay home with the kids. Anyway, I dropped Daniel at the airport this morning (what a wonderful day to fly...NOT) and I've been on my own since 10 am. Until I go to bed though it's not THAT unusual an experience. Daniel often works very late and I handle dinner and bedtime by my lonesome but it's pretty rare I go to bed alone. Bed beckons though. Am I avoiding it. I think subconsciously since it has never occurred to me to sit and write a blog entry at midnight before.

I just wanted to somehow record the passing of the days. Was a busy night and will actually be a pretty full couple of days - playdate tomorrow after work, golf date on Saturday with some buddies (my parents will watch Tweedledee and Tweedledum for me), picnic with friends on Sunday. Monday and Tuesday are looking a little empty now but. until the phone started ringing tonight around 8, so did the weekend. lol

Okay need to go to bed. To complicate my life just a little the Minister's office broke a cardinal rule this week (the speechwriting unit has a mandate to lay about and do nothing all summer because no one needs speeches when the House isn't in session). He has gone and planned a two week trip to the Pacific Rim. He needs something like 13 speeches! I've got three to so. I want to be out of the house by 7:15 am and that will be somewhat of a challenge, I'm sure.

More from me tomorrow if ai find a moment, maybe 'round midnight. :)

Our Vacation to the Middle of the Sun

I haven’t gotten around to writing about our vacation last month (yikes! Summer is just flying) yet. I’ve meant to. I’ve had time. I just haven’t had much motivation to sit down and write. It’s weird when I write it’s generally because something strikes me and I have a compulsion to write about it – like our potty incident with Sam the other morning. There are other things I want to write about but that takes more effort in a way.

This morning, hiding in a stall in the women’s bathroom (teehee) I got the compulsion to write about Dallas. Okay I bet you’re wondering what about the woman’s washroom reminds me about Dallas aren’t ya? No Dallas does not resemble a public bathroom. J I was doing ‘my business’ while two other women yelled at the top of their lungs back and forth about how hot it is here right now. The conversation they were having made me think of Dallas and it’s poor citizens who really do know what hot is.

I think Dallas reset my internal body thermometer. Or maybe it’s been broken all along since stunningly hot as it was while we were there I didn’t find it all that onerous for the most part. It was kind of “cool” (as in a unique experience). The morning we left for Dallas I turned on the news and the forecaster was going on about how “very hot” it was going to be in our area that day. Temperature was forecast to hit 86F + humidity. I thought in my naïve little mind that this would make the temperatures in Dallas easy to adjust to. How much hotter could it be there? Hmmm… how much hotter is Mercury than Pluto?

We arrived at 5 in the evening and it was 102F + humidity. Didn’t get much cooler the 6 days we were there. Sam didn’t like the heat at all. One afternoon when leaving the hotel he got to the edge of the shade and stopped dead and announced “Pas ça! Chaud!” (Not that! Hot! ). He refused to go any further. He looked at me like I was crazy to keep taking him out into this awful heat (smart kid!). When I picked him up to carry him, he buried his face in my shoulder to escape the sun. Only looked out for a moment to give the whole situation a “raspberry” and then promptly buried his head in my shoulder again. He certainly isn’t a fan of temperature extremes be they hot or cold and isn’t shy about letting you know how he feels. It’s completely adorable.

Don’t know what he’s up to here:



It was a challenging trip for all. Sam’s not the best air traveler and we were traveling over his nap (both coming and going). Unfortunately on the outgoing trip he was just too exhausted and couldn’t wind down enough to fall asleep but was certainly unhappy (read screaming at the top of his little lungs) at being awake. Kamryn was no superstar either. We were probably expecting a lot more maturity out of her than we got. I think she traveled better as a younger child even. We were those people on the plane that EVERYONE hates and no one looks at with understanding. Ah well, we will never see any of those people again.

Both kids did well in the hotel though although I don’t see how they couldn’t have. Through a little bit of planning and a big mix-up we ended up staying in the Presidential Suite. We took pictures of the kids standing under the sign outside the room that read Presidential Suite because it’s doubtful that such a chance will happen again until they are rich and famous and paying for it themselves.



It was like a VERY nice apartment that we wouldn’t afford to rent. Each child had its own double “sleep number” bed. They shared a bedroom and slept really well (and late!) during the whole vacation. It was Sam’s first real experience with sleeping in a bed (he naps occasionally in bed at my parents house). He never even came close to falling out of the bed (the first night I surrounded him with pillows and put pillows on the floor around the bed but he stayed right in the centre of the bed all night long). He stayed in bed all night and did fine in the morning – both he and Kamryn would troop into our room on waking without getting into trouble first. This is a positive sign for when we finally free Sam from the crib on his twelfth birthday.

While in Dallas we visited the Dallas Arboretum where the kids had a wild time playing in this “giant frog” fountain. Sam wasn’t too sure at first but certainly got into it after a while. Kamryn was born to be wet.



Sam, checking out a treehouse:



We also visited the Dallas World Aquarium where both kids got a real kick out of all the animals. Sam most literally squealed in delight at the sharks. Aquarium is definitely a misnomer since it’s kind of a mini-indoor zoo.

Mostly we enjoyed visiting with some really great friends. We got together with a bunch of people that I met through Friends By Adoption. People I have spoken to and seen pictures of for years and had never met. It was surreal to open our hotel room door and see a wall of faces that I knew attached to moving and talking bodies. It was a great day. Everyone was nicer than you could even imagine. Kamryn is still talking about one of the little boys she met as if they have regular play dates. It was a wonderful day.

The highlight though was the time we spent with some very special friends, a friend and her family that I met way back when I started journaling on The Labor of Love. I’m so glad we connected so long ago. They were the reason we went to Dallas and they were such terrific hosts. They really went out of their way to make us feel welcome. They took us out to eat (oh we went to the coolest restaurant called Babes and ate real Southern cooking; I wish I knew how to make biscuits like that; I’d be the size of a house! Okay, I must admit that I’m on a quest to learn how to make biscuits like that. I yearn for them. ) They had us over to their house; we had a wonderful barbecue/pool party at C’s Mom’s house. They totally spoiled us. Last night in the car Kamryn was asking about when we were going back to visit C’s mother. She wanted to know why we couldn’t drive there. I asked her if she remembered the 6-hour flight. Lol We thought that Dallas was a once in a lifetime vacation, but I’m almost certain we will go back. Probably not in mid-July though.

Oh interesting aside, the heat the women were complaining about in the bathroom today (and oh they were complaining big time!) … well yesterday it was a dizzying 87. How DID we survive? lol Right now it’s 85F (humidex of 107) heading for a high of 93F + whatever the humidity brings it to. It’s warm, today especially, but really… In two months we’ll be lucky to crack 50F. Who will be complaining then?

Sam has been abducted by aliens! Should I call the authorities?

When I went to take Sam out of his crib this morning he wasn’t there! Instead there was a little boy who looked EXACTLY like him perhaps put there in the middle of the night while we slept, oblivious. How do I know it’s not really my son that was in the crib this morning you ask? Well here is my evidence:

Morning routine the last two weeks or so (since we instituted potty stops)…

Sam wakes and calls for his Daniel (always his Daniel; I try not to let this bruise my ego). I go in and he looks at me and immediately asks to go downstairs and either eat or “voir Papa” (see Daddy). If he isn’t already screaming and whining, the screaming (as if his skin is being flayed from his body) and whining begins at this point. Generally it’s already started. He refuses to stand up so I can lift him out of the crib. If I’m feeling charitable I reach in and get him. If not there is much more screaming as I pretend to leave.

Okay now we move toward the change table to change his sopping diaper. More screaming about going downstairs to eat or see his Dad. The way he pleads to eat you’d think we never give the boy food. I explain in a calm Caillou Mom voice that first he has to change his diaper and/or have a pee-pee and then he can go and do everything he wants. He screams louder, kicks some, and at times hits me. Wonderful. I smile (inside I reminding myself of the struggle we went through to bring him home). Take him by the hand and put his little naked butt on the toilet. He screams and jumps down. I smile put him back on the toilet and walk away. He stays and screams and screams and screams some more. After, going around making sure all our windows are closed, wondering what the neighbours think we do to our children and waiting 5 minutes I return (I’ve learned that sitting with him just makes him scream more), remove him from the toilet – sometimes he pees; sometimes he doesn’t. He used to unroll the toilet paper and shred it in protest. Daniel cured him of that “hobby.” When he pees he generally calms down immediately (in anticipation of a reward) when he doesn’t …. Sigh. Diaper him while he screams and then send him downstairs screaming.

This morning:

He called, still for Daniel. I walked in and he was playing and hide-and-seek with his blanket. When he does this I generally play along (screaming does not ensue until after the game has ended) but this morning I was in a hurry – bus in 10 minutes! I pretended I couldn’t find him as I lifted the covers off of him and lifted him from the crib. He asked to go downstairs and eat. I asked him what do you have to do first and he replied “pee-pee.” There was no screaming. I was stunned; he does understand. I was beginning to wonder if he understood that once he went “pee-pee” that I would let him do whatever he wanted or whether he thought he was doomed to stay in the bathroom his entire life. He’d had me on the ropes until this morning. I was thinking of ending this routine.

He asked to take his little stuffed snowman with him. As he wasn’t screaming, I thought what the heck let him have a toy. Mean Mom that I am, I normally hesitate to let him bring toys with him because generally they become the focus and he never pees. We walked to the bathroom. I sat him on the toilet. Still no screaming. As I turned to leave he peed the biggest pee ever and had a big giggle, made stuffed snowman pee. Again I was stunned. This is when the reality dawned that this was not indeed my son but some replacement. I took him to his change table to look for the batteries. Finding none I replaced his diaper and sent him on his way downstairs. Since that is where he had been asking to go. No… he went to my bedroom and stood PATIENTLY by my dresser where I keep the stickers so that he could have one. I thought of how well they hid the batteries; you couldn’t even tell it wasn’t a real boy. I let him pick a sticker, which he took happily and then he did something that sealed the case. He asked for one for his sister! I gave him one and he raced downstairs happy and proud as punch to give it to her. No screaming, peeing AND sharing.

I wonder how long this boy will stay and when they will return my son to me. I’m hoping the experiments the aliens are carrying out will leave some residual robot boy behavior behind in Sam.

Okay, for those of you horrified by my toilet training methods. We aren’t really toilet training in the full sense. I don’t have an agenda (having been taught quite thoroughly by Kamryn that this won’t happen on my timetable no matter how much I want it to) and fully expect to be buying diapers until Sam starts college. We put him on the potty for 5 minutes whenever he is diaperless. That’s it. He used to scream to not have his diaper changed in the morning as well so it's not just the potty causing the screaming. He just doesn’t like not getting his way. The potty stop, which obviously isn’t his idea, isn’t helping reduce the decibel level around our home.

Repeating Myself

If you keep a journal long enough I guess, eventually you begin to repeat yourself. Bear with me, today is a special day. I'm all weepy.

Meredith - I've been following your blog and thought of you when I read this over - September could be late August. lol Get shopping! Not that you need much encouragement there. :)

The Weather Network here runs little clips of “weather events” that have occurred in recent history as a lead in from commercials. They run about a 15 sec clip accompanied with a month, year and place. A few weeks ago I caught one and I didn’t need the caption to immediately know the exact day it was taken. It showed blinding rain and winds. The kind of rain that make you pull over when driving because ALMOST nothing is important enough to risk forcing your way through. It was tagged with “Kitchener, Ontario” perhaps an hour from where Kamryn was born. I knew when it was because I drove, like a COMPLETE madwoman, for over 7 hours through that storm (admittedly it wasn’t coming down like a hurricane for the entire 7 hours but there were plenty of scary periods).

We’d had a late night the night before, a Thursday (oh if we only knew how long it would be before we would sleep properly again lol). Less then 10 days after being matched with a baby due in mid-August euphoria was high. We were due to make the 7 hour drive to ************* (just north of Big City) on Saturday to meet our potential birthfather who was flying in from England. We’d rented a car for the trip because we felt neither of our ancient beaters was up to the task. I was flittering valuable sleeping time away making lists of what we would need to bring with us and dragged myself to bed around midnight. I turned my cell phone off and left it sitting in the family room when I went up to bed.

The next morning I was up early and out the door. Tossed my cellphone in my bag, grabbed and umbrella cause the weather was icky and ran for the bus. Once the baby arrived I planned to take 11 months off work and really needed to buckle down and get my office, files, job organized for whoever was coming in behind me. Today was the day – having spent the previous week daydreaming, shopping and generally dreaming about impending mommyhood.

So I’m sitting on the bus, minding my own business and trying to plan out my day when my phone begins to ring. My cell phone NEVER rings. Almost no one, even today, has the number. I constantly forget to even turn it on. Figured it was Daniel with a last minute request for me. But no, it was “the birthmom.” I tried to keep things light as my mind panicked and raced over why she could be calling. They changed their mind? Birthfather didn’t want to meet us anymore? We shouldn’t come this weekend because it wasn’t convenient? I’m totally panicked when she says “congratulations, you’re a Mom.” Okay I lost it. I was crying and shaking and talking REALLY loudly (on a public bus mind you). Kamryn had been born at 3:18 am. Sarah, Kamryn’s birthmom had gone into labour at 11 pm but didn’t call because she figured it would take awhile and it was the middle of the night. When it became apparent that it wasn’t going to take a while she tried desperately to get a hold of us but of course my cell phone (her only direct link to us) was in our family room and off while I dozed upstairs.

I didn’t know what to do, I was halfway to work on an express bus (express busses only run one way; getting home on the bus at that time of day would literally take over an hour). The whole bus was clapping and congratulating me (once I hung up the phone and the world was starring at me, I had to explain to my fellow passengers) – I still get teary thinking about it. So I went to work and tried to call someone to come and get me. DANIEL had had knee surgery the month before and was in physic therapy (not that he could drive anyway but I thought I should at least tell him). His cell phone was off! I called my parents – no answer! In the rain, my mother had gone to drive my Dad to the golf course – silly man plays no matter what. I was bouncing off my office walls when a colleague told me to sit down and have a glass of water and think for a minute. Good advice. I called my girlfriend who lived almost an hour away and who promised to throw emergency baby supplies in her car and rush right over. Finally I got a hold of my mother who I didn’t tell what was going on (as I didn’t want her to get into a car accident). I just asked her to come and pick me up at work because I needed to go home. When she arrived I told her I would drive and to please move over I had some news for her. She cried when I told her.
When I caught up with Daniel at the physio therapists office he looked at me like I was speaking in a foreign tongue and told me to please wait he had to make an appointment for his next therapy session. He really didn’t get it. It was hilarious to see the non understanding on his face.

We had to get to ************* now, the weather was getting worse and we didn’t have a vehicle. We threw our partially packed stuff together and grabbed all the baby stuff we had collected over the week and headed for the rental agency to see what they could offer us. We had originally reserved and Escape but that was for the next day. On their lot they had a VW beetle and a Ford Explorer Sport Trac. Okay I though a Ford Explorer Sport Trac was and Ford Explorer with a sporty look to it. lol When they drove it around I about died and asked to take a look at the beetle – maybe we could make it work. Not a chance. So there we were with the Sport Trac – open bed in a driving rain storm. It was big enough inside the cab to get all the luggage inside though and we prayed that on our return – with a baby – that the weather would be nice enough to leave the enormous amount of stuff we were taking with us (we didn’t know how long we would be stuck there) in the back. All ready to go and DANIEL accidentally locked the keys in the truck. No problem you would figure since we hadn’t left the rental agency. Well you might think that but they didn’t have keys! We had to wait for someone from their central garage to come and help us. I was going nuts.

Once we got the truck opened it was a pretty uneventful trip to ************* – with the exception of the driving rain and my kamikaze driving skills. Took us about 8 hours with a stop for lunch and a pumping break for me (I was pumping in preparation for breastfeeding). We didn’t have a hotel because that was the same weekend the Pope was in Big City for World Youth Day and there wasn’t a hotel room to be found for miles. We got there just after 7 pm. Tiny hospital. Kamryn was waiting at the nurses station and EVERYONE was excitedly waiting for us. She was so perfect with an incredibly round head and just enough hair. She’d scratched the living daylights out of her little face though. Poor kid. I got to nurse her within 20 minutes of arriving and they had a room for us (arranged by Sarah who was amazing!) so no worries on the hotel. We stayed in the hospital 5 extremely stressful days while they worked out the paperwork (it was a mess but that’s a story for another day). On the day the hospital said no more we can’t keep you – the Ministry of Child and Social Services finally approved us as adoptive parents (totally last minute, we thought Kamryn was going to foster care and I must have cried all day). We left the hospital at 6pm and it took us 9 hours to drive home. Nothing like walking into a highway rest stop with a 5-day-old baby to get shocked looks from people (not that we had any choice). We had planned to drive and get as far away from ************* as Kamryn would let us and then stop. Although the last hour and a half was AWFUL (I HAD to drive as Daniel couldn’t. Problem was nor could Daniel nurse and that’s what she wanted) she let us get all the way home. Got home at 3 am with our precious baby. Can’t believe 4 years have gone by.

The Preschool is still standing!

Dropped Sam off at pre-school today. I actually went in to the school with them this morning as I had nothing to do at work anyways so why rush in. I was so proud of him. He really seems to like it there and I'm less nervous about him being booted. God he's adorable.

Kamryn gave me a long and running commentary yesterday evening on all the things Sam did "wrong." She is a geat spy and loves to tell on her brother which I'm thinking isn't a good thing. Regardless, nothing he did was a big surprise but none of it was all that egregious either. He didn't smack anyone and it seems he didn't scream the place down. Fingers crossed that today goes as well.

Pics for yesterday:

Not particularly interested in having his photo taken.



Very proud of the sticker on his wrist (his reward for using the potty before school).



His beloved "scoobag":

You guys make me blush...

Thanks for the kind and encouraging comments about my writing. I've always liked to write but never thought I was much good at it. This job doesn't help either because you write something and then 4 levels of people look at it and tear it apart for what's wrong with it. You really question your abilities after awhile although intellectually I know that no matter how perfect a speech I write is someone I answer to is ALWAYS going to think they know how to make it better because that is their job. They need to make it better to justify their paycheck. It's actually the last "level" that is the worst because that's the Minister's office - ummm.... shhhhh! don't tell on me but they ALWAYS make it worse. Sometimes their changes are so bad that I hope no one knows that I wrote the original text because I don't want people to think that I wrote that "schlop."

Okay I'll post the piece I wrote (although now I'm terrified you will all read it - I think most of you have already actually - and wonder what kind of drugs I'm smoking that I believe someone would actaully publish it and give me money.) Note: I know it's too long but figured I would let an editor tell me that - maybe this is a mistake? I could cut five things; there are a couple (not 5 but a couple) of things on the list that were just there to make it "25 things long". Also, it's been edited for a Canadian audience as I'm only sending it to Canadian publications as I'm not sure it fits a US audience all that well - it's a little too critical.

Last summer my family (my husband, 3 year-old daughter, 1 year-old son and I) drove to Winnipeg, Manitoba from Ottawa, Ontario. We thought we’d drive through the US on our little family adventure. I was dreading the journey. I survived.

13 days (7 days of which were spent at our destination)
2 provinces
5 states
1 Mazda Tribute Red/Grey
2 adults
2 toddlers
12 Provincial Highways
25 US Interstates/Highways
5 hotels
4 border crossings
3400 miles/5440 km
1 speeding ticket (not mine! somewhat deserved although I’m not sure hubby didn’t get tricked into it as the speed limit must have changed 6 times in 2 miles.)
12 fill-ups
145 gallons/549.67 L of fuel

Twenty-Five Things I Learned on the Road Trip from Hell:

1. Driving from sun-up until well past sundown for 6 solid days in a well equipped but smallish SUV with two kids and a cranky husband will not kill you.

2. Staying in various hotel rooms for two weeks with two toddlers and a cranky husband might just kill you. I still need to make an appointment with the doctor to assess what damage was done.

3. There are some super nice customs agents out there. i.e. the Canadian customs officer who helped us document the electronics that we owned and were bringing into the States. He told us that we were of “no interest” to customs agents (who are instead looking for terrorists older than 3 and 14 months old) and that if anyone gave us any problems to give them his badge number and he would “deal with them.”

4. There are some customs agents who need a boot to the head. The U.S. Customs guy who made my husband take the slice of roast beef out of the sub he had with him for lunch and throw it away because of the ban on bringing beef into the US. He quite sarcastically told me when I pointed out that my husband was going to eat it in about 15 minutes that if he wanted to drive back to Canada to eat it that would be fine. He claimed that rather than eating his sandwich my husband could throw it away thus infecting the entire US with mad-cow – which was of course our mad plan. Foiled again! He made it worse by condescendingly asking us if we had heard of the ban on “importing” beef into the US and informing us that if it were a cow younger than two years than it would be all right. Ugh! (just so you know I’m not biased the customs agent on our trip into Michigan was more than pleasant).

5. The quality of the hotel stayed in (and they ability of the bottom bed sheet to remained properly tucked in) is inversely proportional to how long you have to stay there. It is in no way related to price you are paying.

6. That no matter how good your kids are being in the back seat you should say nothing about it out loud because if you do chaos will reign for the remainder of the day.

7. That US interstates are peppered with road signs and billboards that can be an entertaining diversion on a very long car drive.

8. That Canadian highways have comparably almost no billboards or road signs and that is a welcome relief after days of starring at billboards.

9. That there seems to be an obsession with the purchase of fireworks in the US. This as evidenced from all the billboard advertisements i.e. buy one, get six free, and Fireworks Superstores we saw along the highway. I don’t get it. I’m not sure you can even buy fireworks here. If you can I have no idea where – maybe we need more billboards and less boring trees.

10. That if you drive for hours and hours perusing, via billboard, the different fast food joints at which you may enjoy a “delectable” meal that the moment you decide you need to stop for food, gas, potty break etc. ALL evidence that there are any restaurants, gas stations, rest stops etc. will vanish from the earth for the next several hours.

11. Fill-up in Gary, Indiana because after that there are no readily available gas stations until you are most of the way through Chicago.

12. Related to the above. Our truck can go almost 600 km (360 miles) on one fill-up (60 litres/16 U.S. gallons). We didn’t know that previously.

13. American rest stops (at least in the states we traveled through) are AMAZING, in good weather. I suspect they would definitely suck in nasty weather - nicely appointed parks where a family could picnic abounded. The inverse is true for Canadian rest stops which might explain a lot considering the amount of nasty weather we can have.

As we had good weather all but one day the US ones win, hands down. Of course, you can’t buy real food at the U.S. Rest Stops which are only stocked with vending machines. That isn’t great but at least the kids can run around outdoors and burn off some energy and as an option there are a gazillion fast food places just off the highway which is less true when traveling down the Trans Canada Highway.

14. I do not care if I NEVER EVER enter a MacDonald’s EVER again. Actually I do care so I should restate this – My life’s goal is to never enter a MacDonald’s ever again.

15. Never potty train an almost 3-year-old right before a road-trip. Talk about total meltdowns whenever a “nap” induced accident or near-accident occurred.(yes, my almost 3-year old has very high standards for herself. What this meant was every time my daughter awoke from a nap there was a meltdown that invoked memories of 3-Mile Island and Chernobyl. This doesn’t happen when she has slept in a bed. I don’t know why this is, but I am grateful.)

16. If you ask the previously mentioned 3-year old if they need to use the bathroom the will insist they do not have to until 2.7 seconds (+ or – 3 seconds) after you pass the exit for the Rest Stop or nearest convenient exit. Next Rest Stop 60 miles!

17. 3-year olds (notice a trend here; and I thought the one-year old traveler was going to be the challenge) get bored and stiff in the car and will regularly claim to need to use the potty whether they need to or not. If you listen and stop every time they request it, you will NEVER get where you are going. As evidenced by day 4 on the road where a short 7 ½ hours of driving took almost 12). A “bathroom stop” schedule dictated by Mom (confidence buoyed by the convenience of Pull-Ups) is a necessity. Pity that I didn’t figure out this simple point until day 6 of driving. Duh!

18. 3 year-olds should always travel in Pull-ups. A lesson that thankfully we didn’t need to be taught but were grateful common sense dictated. Day one was good but it went downhill from there.

19. Kids will always fall asleep 5 minutes before you need to stop for food, gas, the night, etc. They will of course wake up the MOMENT the vehicle ceases forward motion with their 5 minute nap leaving them either refreshed enough to party all night when you desperately want to sleep or refreshed enough not to want to fall asleep again but as cranky as and octogenarian with hemorrhoids the size of oranges.

20. The “Weather Channel” in the U.S. does not hold a candle to Canada’s “Weather Network”. I feel sorry for all Americans. My husband explains that Americans are more well rounded than Canadians and not as obsessed with every factoid and detail about the past, present and future weather for their current location and any other location in the country they may visit in the next 3 years.

21. Crazy people in some U.S. states ride motorcycles without helmets. Why would one do that? Wouldn’t the wind mess your hair up anyways? Not to mention what the pavement might do to it.

22. Eating somewhat nutritious foods in a real restaurant instead of fast food junk might be good for the children (if they actually ate said food) but certainly does nothing for the other dining patrons or Mom and Dad’s sanity. I sat in the car with my daughter during dinner on day 2 after being hit in the head with mashed potatoes and gravy. I sat in the car with my son on day 4 after he threw pretty much everything he was given to eat on the floor. I sat in the car with … notice a trend.

23. Cheerios are a wonderful and necessary tool when dealing with slow service. Always walk with Cheerios.

24. Duty Free shops in Canada are entirely civilized, clearly marked and conveniently located. Duty Free shops in the U.S. remain a complete mystery to me. We kept missing them and those we found (note we crossed the border 4 times) were these odd warehouses with counters at which you placed an order to be picked up MILES away when you got to the actual border (maybe this is just a North Dakota/Michigan thing)?

25. No matter how much of a great time you have had and no matter how nice people have been to you there is such a feeling of relief and serenity at crossing your own border, back into your own province and country.

I'm excited - Going for my first rejection letter!

Last summer I wrote a little piece about my summer vacation and posted it on some boards I frequent. On one of the boards someone commented that I could probably sell it. I was very flattered especially when someone else backed her up. Then I found out that the person who backed her up is a freelance writer and likely knew what she was talking about. She told me she would help me try to get it published if I would like. Well the nature of communication over a busy board meant that that idea kind of fizzled. She never responded to my post replying that I would love some help getting it published and I was too ...hmmm... shy, stupid, humble, nervous, incredulous ... pick a word... to pursue it any further but it's kind of danced on the outskirts of my consciousness for some time now. Then I read the "Devil Wears Prada." lol I've been inspired by a schlop (entertaining schlop) to actually follow through.

E-mail makes it easy. So I'm lining up a bunch of magazines that might publish something like my "piece" and I think I will send it out and see what happens. Nothing to lose. Won't cost me anything but my pride - not that there's much to damage there; I'm an amateur in every respect; the last English class I took was in Grade 13. Don't even have any university credits in English. What do I know about writing - other than speeches anyways (not that I know that much about speeches either). Wish me luck.

Well the school hasn't called me yet so that must be a good sign.

I’m supposed to be writing a speech. Kind of a good speech to. As part of my previous job, I headed “working end” of a negotiating team (by that I mean I had a BIG boss – a General actually – but he didn’t really do any negotiating, I did everything and then told him what had transpired) for a treaty between Britain and Canada. It was perhaps one of the most challenging tasks I have had in my career. I had some great advisors and some “not so great” advisors. The “not so great” advisors gave me and the rest of the team a huge headache. Things got REALLY rough. The British were being very reasonable; it was my own team I couldn’t control. Nothing like conducting internal and external negotiations at the same time. I got things to a 98% finished point and then left all the infighting on my own team because we adopted Sam and I got to take leave for almost a year. I wasn’t upset to leave it because at that point it was just annoying, I did want to find out what happened though. Today I’m supposed to be writing the speech our Minister will give when he signs the treaty in a couple of weeks. Too cool. I feel like a pair of bookends.

I’m sitting here not thinking about the speech much at all.

Today was Sam’s first day of summer camp — in reality his first day of pre-school. I’ve worried about it since last week. Worried he wasn’t at all ready and that this was all a huge mistake. Tied my stomach in complete knots.

He is going three days a week from 9 - 11 30. I figured if I sent him to camp this summer he could start with his big sis. She could help him adjust to the new place and people then in the fall when he has to go by himself it will be easier on him. They only take two 2-year olds a class; all the other kids must be 2 1/2 or older. So he is the youngest.
I'm honestly worried that I will get a call in a week or two asking to refund my money because they can't handle him - how's that for awful.
As you all know the poor kid tantrums often, regularly and for LONG periods of time (hour long screaming tantrums are the norm). His language skills although developing aren't where they should be so oftentimes we have no idea what he is saying which is a real source of frustration for him. He uses real words you just have to guess what they are because his articulation is so off. He is incapable of sharing. When he doesn't get what he wants he just hauls back and smacks whoever the "offender" may be (oddly though if the child is smaller/younger than him he will allow himself to get beaten up). He doesn't really understand schedules (i.e. if he is doing something he likes he doesn't understand why he should have to stop and do something else). He is convinced that if he screams long and loud enough he will get whatever he wants; not working, he can scream louder. He is EXTREMELY persistent.
We NEED him to go to pre-school in September - partially for his language skills and partially as a child care fix (he will only go two mornings a week but that fills a big hole).
I keep telling myself that he can't be the most difficult little boy they have ever dealt with (he's the most difficult little boy *I* have ever met though; loveable but a whole lot of work). It doesn’t help that friends and strangers alike don’t hesitate to stop and comment to me on what a handful he seems to be. I keep telling myself they are professionals and will be able to handle him. Still my stomach was COMPLETELY tied in knots.
This morning went well though – the pre pre-school part. Only one short tantrum when I wanted him to sit on the potty and he panicking that he was missing some once in a lifetime moment somewhere else refused to sit. Potty training is NOT going to go well. Lol He’s always positive that when I put him on the potty that that is the moment when a marching band throwing candy and giving away free toys MUST be marching through the living room. Anyway back to this morning.
I had an icky “ovulation” night. Much pain, no sleep. So the decision to go into work a little late was an easy one to make. I would have called in sick outright but I didn’t work most of last week because of child care problems and my boss was kind enough to comp me the time. Kamryn got herself up and dressed and after only a modicum of protest “allowed” me to comb her hair by which time Sam was awake and raring to go. Daniel took care of him. Both kids were fed and Sam pottied (eventually!) and dressed before 8:30. Downstairs to get ready to go and both kids are too excited over their backpacks. Geez, if I got this excited over my briefcase every morning I would NEVER make my bus. Sam is using a “new” (he’s had it for awhile I just never took it out for him before) “Thomas” backpack. He gets so excited over anything Thomas that as a casual observer you might mistake him as having a seizure. The other challenge was to keep him from ripping out his snack and eating it right there. I got both kids sport sippy cups last night because Sam is completely incapable of drinking out of a cup – he just wears whatever he is drinking because he has no patience to sip slowly. Both of them are very excited over their new sippy cups. It’s the highlight of preschool for them.
Got some pictures taken – huge challenge because I gave Sam a sticker for going potty and that was all he could focus on at the moment, that and the stupid backpack. We actually left for school with a reasonable cushion. Halfway there we pulled even with the last express bus downtown from our place and decided to bail on Daniel and grab it rather than take the city bus which is adequate but “icky” (full of all of God’s creations not all of whom use deodorant). So Daniel took the kids in on his own.
I called to nag him the moment I got to the office and he reported that drop off went fine. Sam took off the moment Daniel put him down inside the school – off to play happily in the sand box with Bruce, one of Kamryn’s friends. Poor Kamryn was a little lost as Jordan is away on vacation so she was best-friendless. I’m sure she adjusted just fine though; she’s a social little kid. Daniel warned the director about Sam’s “nature.” I hope he does well, doesn’t melt down or smack anyone. I hope he had a blast and I can’t wait to get the “pick-up” report from Daniel which should come in about a half-hour. School is just letting out now. Please don’t let them kick him out.

I’m feeling surprisingly emotional about his venture out into the world. I find I typically don’t get as nostalgic over Sam as I do over Kamryn. It might be because the experiences with him tend to be “BTDT” experiences or it might be his rough and tumble nature and the fact that he exhausts me so there isn’t much room for nostalgia. This morning though I felt just as teary as I felt when Kamryn embarked on her first day of preschool. Today was all about him and I really felt it. My baby is taking his first steps into the world on his own (albeit watched over by his sister). Lord, help the world. lol

Speech Therapy Frustrations

So we went to a Speech Therapy parent information night at the Children’s Hospital on Monday. Back in January, some may remember, we had Sam screened at a clinic and he was determined to likely need services and “screened into the programme.” What that was SUPPOSED to mean was that in the following three months we would be called and given an opportunity to attend a parent info night. We were told that in the three months following our attendance at the info night he would be evaluated and he could expect services in the three months following that. So:

January – screened in.

March/April – Parent-Info night

June/July – Evaluation

October/November – Services

Seemed like a LONG wait to me. However, he was talking and progressing and personally I thought the speech pathologist may have jumped the gun a little so I was willing to wait.

Ya, end of June and we’ve JUST had out info-night. We were told he will be evaluated sometime between August and November. At this point I’m thinking November is likely. He won’t get services until FEBRUARY!!!! That’s over a year from the point in which a speech pathologist suggested he should receive services. That’s ridiculous.

Not to mention that while he is progressing and talking in two to three word sentences now and repeating stuff like crazy he still talks like he has a mouth full of marbles. We are unable to understand 90% of what he says (Kamryn can understand more) and strangers can’t understand him at all. He gets EXTREMELY frustrated, poor little guy. So now we are looking at paying out of pocket and getting things checked ourselves.

I go back and forth on this. Sometimes I listen to him and am certain that I’m just expecting too much – Kamryn I think is a little gifted in the whole language side of things. She really has a good grasp of both English and French and has a wonderful vocabulary and very good enunciation. She’s not a milestone. Then though I bump into other two year olds who speak clearly and in complex sentences and I really worry.

I just don’t want to waste anyone’s time if he’s really fine but I have a nagging belief that he’s not. His godmother is a speech pathologist (unfortunately she doesn’t live in this city). Daniel is going to call her and see what advice she has to give.

Educating Kamryn

So Kamryn looked at me the other day and said that she didn’t like being brown.

Okay I admit it I panicked.

Not something I was expecting or knew how to face at that moment. Mind is spinning and I’m trying to think of intelligent things to say to bolster her self-confidence and tell her how great it is to be “brown.”

Deep intake of air for Maman who needs to come out sounding cool and casual. Except for the long pregnant pause I think I pulled it off.

So Kamryn, why don’t you want to be brown? What would you rather be?

Black, like granddad (for some reason I’m also “brown” * dunno * Daniel is pink. lol).

Okay – big sigh of relief. MUCH easier to deal with this one. I would have handled it the same way regardless but I worry less with this perspective.

We talked about how everyone is a different colour. That’s just who we are what makes us special. She was quite accepting of this. I think she often just says stuff to provoke conversation. It’s not like it’s really bothering her or anything. She often will ask the same question eighty gazillion times just to provoke conversation and get attention (i.e. if she asks me one more time why she has a “new” (it’s now 4 months old) car seat I might just explode.

I cleaned out my herb garden, which was COMPLETELY over run with mint yesterday. NEVER planting mint again. I planted mint in pots a few years back, which I then stupid buried. The mint escaped the pots and took over the entire 6 by 3 foot plot and has also taken to exploring the rest of the back yard. I thought dill was bad. The mint did make the back yard smell nice but how much mint does one really need?!?

Anyway, Kamryn was “helping.” The mint was a good two feet high (okay so I should have got to this weeks ago!) and very hard to pull up. To make matters worse we have A LOT of spiders in the garden. The tall dark mint made a great haven for bugs of all sorts but especially the gazillion spiders that populate of back yard. Now I’m not a huge fan of spiders but I’m not deathly afraid of them either. These though are icky spiders. For one they seem to be quite fertile (I think it might just be the type of spider but I think not) which grosses me out. Not their fertility, per se, but rather the fact that every second one has a huge white egg sack appended to them – ick!

Lately, Kamryn has been expressing a fear of bugs. I don’t think it’s a real fear but rather a manufactured one and I would like to shake the person who put this idea in her head. Kamryn has a rather bold personality. She’s not afraid of anything except performing on stage. Lol She doesn’t mind the dark and has never demonstrated anything but absolute joy in bugs (Sam well that’s a different story – terrified of bugs.) So I think the “bug fear” is mostly a look at me I can be girly and scared. So I’m trying to be casual about the hoards of spiders and figured I would be a smart mum and educate my child. So I picked a hideous spider and told her about all the little baby spiders in the spider’s “tummy” (hmmm… the birds and the spiders?). Charlotte’s web seemed more romantic than this. Okay so now she wants to know how babies get in the tummies. Yikes.

An aside: Okay I know you’re supposed to use anatomically correct language and I shouldn’t use tummy I should tell her the uterus but good grief – she’s not even three yet! I was told tummy too and eventually figured it out. Hopefully my child isn’t so “simple” that this will scar her for life. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

I really have to get reading – these questions are hard. She wouldn’t accept “God puts them there” as an answer (seemed kind of simplistic to me too though). She wanted to know why God puts them there. She wanted to know why they needed to be there. Okay my fault I must teach her less. Perhaps lock her in the basement, in the dark, tied to the furnace.

We did have a short discussion (she brought it up) about how she was in her birthmom’s tummy not mine. This was prompted by a discussion about where her cousin came from (she remembers him being in her Aunt’s tummy). It’s still all very matter-of-fact for her which I’m grateful for. I don’t know if she doesn’t get it or if it’s just not upsetting for her. I’m hoping the latter but I’m not completely naïve.

It’s kinda fun to have “real” conversations with her. It’s fun to be her mom. :)

I’m officially a soccer Mom – an obnoxious one at that. :)

Sunday was Kamryn’s first day as a bona fide soccer player. She was very excited but probably not as excited as me. All day she kept asking if “Coach Stefano” was going to be there. He was the coach she had last fall when she took an indoor soccer class. Notably we didn’t continue the class into the winter because she didn’t seem to be getting much out of it. She just wouldn’t listen. Coach Stefano was good though – her coach in this league – not so much. Ah well. The idea is that the kids have fun and fun they did have. Although who in their right mine puts a 3 ½ year old in goal for a whole game! Poor kid (not mine thank heavens!) was just standing there. She wasn’t really goal keeping because the “coach” told her not to move so she wasn’t going to. Finally her mother went over and pulled her out of goal so that she to could have a little fun.

Kamryn had a great time and was actually quite good for the first part of the “game.” She ball handled well and was aggressive enough to get in the pack and actually kick the ball. Now she wasn’t perfect – at one point I heard her narrating to their coach as she ran down the field how she had new soccer shoes. Still I was very proud of her. She played MUCH better than I expected she would. Then her friend (the aforementioned goal keeper) was put into the actual game and the wheels kind of fell off at that point. They were holding hands, comparing ponytails and generally socializing instead of actually playing. I have to admit it was cute if somewhat maddening. Their team, Team Italy, got completely creamed by Team Trinidad who somehow seemed older (they really aren’t although it is conceivable that our team is 3 ½ year old “heavy”) and decidedly more talented. I’m hoping that next Sunday they will play Team Poland because I took a look at Team Poland and while cute (what 3 or 4 year old in huge soccer gear isn’t?) looked decidedly “less athletic” than Team Italy. Lol One can only hope.

I did notice that a good portion of Team Italy (at least 5 kids out of maybe 15) spent a great deal of time on the sidelines crying while the same didn’t seem true for Team Trinidad. I don’t really understand but maybe it’s because I don’t have a kid with separation anxiety. I’ve never been in that situation (things may change when Sam starts doing things where I’m not RIGHT there). Parents were on the sidelines; they weren’t all that far away. * shrug * Hopefully they will get more into it. One little girl was just breaking hearts. I think she sobbed from the warm-up right through to the final whistle. I kept thinking that her parents should just pull her but I guess that wouldn’t have helped her any. Poor kid.

Kamryn must have been completely exhausted by the end of the night. I don’t think she ever stopped running. Sam was quite put out that he could play to; he though had a pretty good time running along with Kamryn, Jordan and Braeden (little boy across the who lives across the street) before and after the game. During the game he was COMPLETELY miserable. I can’t blame him but I don’t know what I can do – I can’t leave him at home and I can’t tie him up and gag him. Drugs… perhaps…drugs (just kidding!) This time I tried food; plying him with cookies whenever he got restless. Oie can that boy put away cookies so that didn’t work for very long. I will have to be more creative next weekend, although hopefully Daniel will be off work so I won’t be on my own with him. He tends to listen to Daniel MUCH better than me.

Anyway, while getting Kamryn ready for bed she kept proclaiming how much she enjoyed soccer and how she was going to dream about it that night. I think we have a winner here. She likes it AND she’s actually good at it (for a not quite 4 year old anyways). Hopefully she will continue to enjoy it; of all the sports she could play soccer is the one I really hoped she would get into – equipment is cheap and I don’t have to sit in a freezing rink at 6 am on a Saturday morning. Before you say anything, I am prepared to sit on a sopping field in November.

Some Photos:

My soccer star:



My soccer star and her amazing teammates. Her "best mate" Jordan and the little boy who lives across the street. It was his birthday Sunday. When he was born 4 years ago we didn't even know Kamryn was going to exist. They are seven weeks apart in age.

Brother-Sister Day

We had our first “Brother-Sister” day on Tuesday. It was glorious. Everything came together so nicely. Both Daniel and I took the day off work and took the kids to the beach. Kamryn was sooooo excited. She kept explaining to Sam the significance of the day. Sam at 2 years old couldn’t have cared less. Lol

So we had a picnic lunch down at the beach. The weather was glorious and we have a beautiful beach just down the road (4 min) drive from our house. The kids only got out of the water to eat. The water was frigid and they didn’t seem to care. Sam kept filling and re-filling a bucket of water that he kept dumping over himself. Brrrrrrrrr… We dragged them home for showers and naps mid-afternoon and I had to wake them both for dinner at 5:30 less we be late for Kamryn’s last ballet class of the season. All four of us went to ballet class together after a dinner of McDonald’s (yuck! But it’s the kids favorite and it was their day). After the class we invited Kamryn’s best friend home with us for cake and then all went off to bed; both kids were completely wiped out. Sam was just a quivering mass of crying tiredness at that point.

It was a great family day though. I can’t believe that it’s been a year since Sam joined us. It wasn’t a picture perfect homecoming. Our little guy had it rough – that first separation from his grandmother (whom he had been living with) was hard on him even though we weren’t strangers to him at that point. He was very attached (and really tired after a long day) and when she left he cried and cried (she did come back to visit the next day). Still he did so well in the following days although he’s still a big crier with a wicked temper – just his personality.

Here’s a picture we took of both kids when we were visiting with him (about 3 weeks before he came home)



Here are some photos from “Brother-Sister” Day.

Pre-beach:







One beach photo – of the many crappy ones I took:



Post beach:




The little girl in the middle is Kamryn’s best friend. Sam is in love with her - lol. His feelings are returned. lmao Note how the only person actually looking at the camera instead of the cake was the guest.

Better Hope I Stay Healthy

Kamryn found a caterpillar yesterday. She played with it/watched it for a few minutes, named it "Lulu" and then killed it. Her reasoning for imposing the death sentence on this poor hapless creature: "Well, it was a little bit sick..."

Later that evening when I was putting Dr. Kevorkian to bed she waxed on about poor Lulu. How she will never again find a caterpillar like Lulu and how Lulu was her BEST friend. It was all I could do to make it out of her room before collapsing in laughter.

Today at preschool what did they make for their craft? Caterpillars. I had to laugh.

Good news on the preschool front Sam has been admitted for the Fall. He will do summer camp with Kamryn through July and August and then start regular preschool (no different than summer camp as far as I can tell except I don't have to pack him a snack) Sept 6th. He's so little. It will be good for him though.

Good Adoption Stuff and Bad Adoption Stuff

Sam got an extra special birthday present on his birthday (technically it was on my birthday but we didn’t find out until his). His adoption was finalized. The paperwork arrived on his birthday. We didn’t get the mail until rather late (8 pm) and were not really expecting that so it was a welcome surprise. It might make our trip to the Texas this summer a little easier because I might be able to get him a passport before we go.

It is so odd to be done with adoption, at least the legal end of things. We paid our last adoption bill earlier this month – the cash just came out of our bank account yesterday – so that’s done! The lawyers are done. The social workers are done. After 5 years we are done! I took both kids adoption decrees out and just stared at them. The same judge signed both of them. Sam’s says we were there in court (which we weren’t). On Kamryn’s they appropriately left that spot blank. Kamryn’s is on nicer paper. Sam’s has a nicer seal but apart from that they are essentially identical. We NEED to get a safety deposit box and soon. Have to put this paperwork somewhere safe as our copies are the only copies that will ever exist. If something happens to them the kids are out of luck. I feel very responsible for these flimsy legal forms. We online bank so I’m not sure it’s going to be all that easy to get a safety deposit box but I will have to investigate nonetheless. The other option that we are considering is a real safe. We have a lockbox (hidden) at home but it’s not fire proof and that’s what a really worry about.

Kamryn asked me the first of the hard/heartbreaking questions to come this weekend. Sam’s grandmother called (as she does quite regularly) and after getting of the phone with her Kamryn wanted to know who “Nana” was. When I told her she was Sam’s birth grandmother she wanted to know why she didn’t have one. Well she does… sigh… but they wanted no contact. We don’t even have real direct contact with her birthmother as all exchanges are done by e-mail. Her birthfather calls occasionally but since he moved to Africa he has only called once. We’ve had almost no contact with him since. They are good about sending pictures and gifts and cards etc. They aren’t so good about actual contact (well D* has no real choice considering he lives an ocean away; before he used to visit irregularly). This wasn’t a big deal to an infant or a toddler who had no idea what was going on. It’s going to be a big deal as the kids get older. It’s what I always worried about when we were adopting again as I knew that different kids would necessarily have varying relationships with their birth families.

I expect Nana will visit twice a year (frustrating as it is to arrange those visits; she was supposed to come for Sam birthday and cancelled at the last minute). I suspect that Sam’s birthmother may visit sometime in the future (hopefully distant, for many reasons) but she will certainly speak with him on the phone once he is really talking. I don’t think Kamryn’s birthmother can/could handle that. I’m hoping she gets stronger as the years go on. I don’t want to pressure her or guilt her into anything but my priority in life is Kamryn and her happiness. If the questions keep coming I will have to let her birthmother in on the pressure we are under. For now, I try to respect her privacy. Regardless, every time she visits the province I feel a little pang that she hasn’t come to visit us.

On other news I continue to be FURIOUS at Sam’s birthmother’s stepdad and sister. I mentioned way back when (I think) that they had their noses out of joint because we wouldn’t give them our address at Christmas. At that point they “wrote Sam off” (how do you write a 2 year old you claim to love out of your life). So for Mother’s Day we sent a DVD of Sam off to his birthmother. She was very happy to receive it and wanted to share it with someone – who better than her family. They refused to watch it with her and told her that he was out of their lives. Good grief people, grow up a little! Sam’s birthmother isn’t a normal intelligence; she’s brain injured and she’s an addict (I can’t even say recovering because I’m not sure she is). She needs support; family support most of all. This adoption was VERY hard on her. How can people hold love hostage. Sigh.

Okay I started on such a happy note and then things got rather dark didn’t they. Yikes. Didn’t mean for that to happen so back to happy thoughts at MY two kids and a good future for both of them.

Is there a difference between people watching and stalking?

So I’ve become a stalker. Who would have thunk it but here I am – stalker extraordinaire. Pregnant-lady got on the bus today. First day I have seen here since I last wrote about her. You see, the bus she takes ISN’T the one I should take. It’s my “oh-my-lord-is-that-the-time” bus. It’s my “doh-you-are-going-to-be-really-late” bus. It’s my back-up when I miss my regular bus. To get to this bus I actually have to go in a different direction from my regular bus so I have to really late. Okay, don’t call the cops but, lately, I’ve been taking it on purpose. Partially because on morning a met a couple of ladies I thought were really nice and wanted to run into them again (I haven’t really). The other reason – to stalk pregnant-lady. She got on this morning and I turned my MP3 player off so I could eavesdrop. How crass is that? I need professional help.

On the other hand she seemed happy this morning. It looked as if she was wearing maternity clothes for the first time. A rather smart outfit – red top and a black skirt. She can’t be all that pregnant given the time frame of our first “encounter” (if you can call my sitting across from her and staring on the bus an encounter) to now. Also she hasn’t seen an OB yet. I learned today that her first appointment isn’t until June 15th. She seemed pleased with the outfit though and almost eager to show it off so I was happy for her although a little concerned for her that she is showing this much already (twins maybe?) However, she is slightly on the chubby side and most of her belly was probably hers before she got pregnant. Still she is already doing the protective little tummy rubs as she chats with people. Sigh. You know I used to do fake protective little tummy rubs in the bathroom mirror when I still dreamed of a pregnancy. All seems, nevertheless, good with my stalkee. I will return to getting out of bed when I am supposed and hustling into work on the correct bus.

Today, my parents are keeping the kids overnight. I always feel guilty when they do this. Both Daniel and I have to be into work early tomorrow and tonight Kamryn’s school is having an information night for the Jr. Kindergarten parents. It would have meant picking them up at around 9 and getting them to bed late just to wake them up super early tomorrow morning and drag them right back. Still it seems less then responsible to “dump” them on my parents. The kids always enjoy themselves although they obviously miss us. We had a barbecue at my parents on Sunday for the culmination of “birthday week” and Kamryn was all excited when she found out that “Maman and Papa” were staying too. Lol My parents CLAIM to enjoy it but I’m not so certain that both kids aren’t a bit much for them to take care of all day. I’m really looking forward to Kamryn being in school and taking some of the load off of them.

The weather has finally broken so that is some relief; at least they can play outdoors. I can’t believe the last two weeks. It rained for 11 straight days. We have already had twice the normal rainfall for the month of May and we still have over a week left in the month. The kids (and me!) were going completely stir crazy by Monday. To make matters worse it hasn’t just been wet but cold as well. They were calling for SNOW on Tuesday morning (although I don’t think we actually got any). Today it is 22C and sunny. A heavenly day. I can’t even SEE outside from my pathetic little cubicle though. You win some you lose some. I’m sure the kids are enjoying themselves.

My little man is two today!

I did an *evil* thing. I woke him up this morning (not really he was awake just snuggling in his crib not calling for anybody yet) because I had to say SOMETHING to him before I dashed off for work. He was quite happy to see me but I’m sure Daniel would have appreciated a few more minutes of quiet time. Well tough toodles for him my baby is TWO! Poor kid. I’m working, Daniel is working. Kamryn has gymnastics tonight. It will be after 7 before he even gets his presents. Not that he is any the wiser that this day is different from any other day. He will have two parties on the weekend to make up for it. Ugh! 12 kids and their parents and it's going to rain (as it has for the last 8 days straight) - Calgon take me away!

Yesterday was the anniversary of our first meeting him. What a year it has been. We flew in to his hometown last year got settled in our accommodations and then went over to his grandmother’s house to meet our little guy. We took him a stuffed animal – Hodge I think its name is. Kamryn has a “fraternal twin” stuffed animal named Podge (thus my confusion one is Hodge and the other is Podge). Technically it was a gift from Kamryn. We brought his grandmother flowers. The kids played together in the little apartment so well. Kamryn was so excited to meet him. She was almost in tears when we left the airport earlier in the day and didn’t go immediately to his house. It was a lot for a little kid to understand. When we met him I wanted to scoop him up right away but I was afraid of looking too… well too eager. Why that would have been a bad thing I don’t know. Anyway I hung back to let him get used to me but he happily came to me and didn’t show any stranger anxiety at all. He was and still is a very open little guy. He plays strange sometimes but I’m not all that sure that on the rare occasions it occurs it isn’t just an act intended to get attention.

I fed him water out of my water glass, which made hi grandmother freak out because he never got water. We had lasagna for dinner and were so busy chatting that we forgot to eat dessert. It was hard to go home that night.

The year that followed had its ups and downs. I admit that I worried more than once that I couldn’t love this feisty and demanding little guy. That it wouldn’t happen. It was a silly worry. I can’t imagine my life without him. I can’t imagine him without us. He’s just a part of my heart now. Sometimes just looking at him makes me feel all warm inside. I was torturing him yesterday with kisses and he was being all “boy” and telling me "no" and pushing me away whenever I kissed him. Ah my little man is growing up. He’s still a little baby though and this morning wouldn’t let me leave without his kiss and hug.

We got him a Thomas Train set – it’s a construction/mining set or something like that. It will go with the trains and the figure 8 Water Tower set he already has. My Dad built him (and Kamryn) the most wonderful train table and play bench (wasn’t a birthday present but the timing has worked out). We just set it up for them this week. I’m so excited to give him his present. He is completely Thomas obsessed. He will have so much fun with the expanded set. Last night we were playing and I showed him how the trains would fill up with water from the water tower. I made a little water filling noise. He took over and kept calling me over to show me how the water made a “whoosh” sound as it “went into” the trains. He has a great creative little mind and he picks things up so quickly.

Amazing news on the speech front as well. Yesterday, like someone flipped a switch in his head he started talking in pseudo two word sentences. He still sounds like he is talking with a mouth full of marbles but he is FINALLY doing the two word thing and a lot too. I picked him up from my mother’s at 5:30 ish and was only with him until he went to sleep 2 hours later and in that time period the two word sentences were just spilling out of his little mouth. Mom also told me he said, “it’s in the there” when asked where his little car was. She couldn’t get him to say it again though – try as she might. We may have turned a big corner, which is good because we are STILL waiting for him to be seen by a speech pathologists. This is a big relief because I am more and more convinced that my worries last winter were/are more and more justified. He isn’t where he should be at all and he has major difficulty pronouncing simple sounds BUT he’s making progress despite the lack of professional help and that makes me worry a little less. I’m really anxious for him to be screened though and wish I could do it privately but alas I don’t think such a service exists. So we wait. He has is two year check-up tomorrow and I will bring it up with our doctor more for he opinions than any belief that she can speed the process up any.

Okay much work to be done to earn my salary and not much time left in the day. Must go.

My Birthday and Bus drama

Today it’s my birthday and the scene where Anthony Michael Hall sings to Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles is playing and replaying in my head. Yup – dating myself.

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you

Having a pretty good day considering that neither my husband nor my kids, ALL awake before I left for work, wished me a happy birthday. Ah well… the kids are clueless and Daniel was/is sleep deprived. He knows it’s my birthday as he has arranged (on his own with no prompting or encouragement from me) for my parents to watch the kids tonight so that we can go out to dinner and a movie. :) He also gave me a rocking Mother’s Day present that it also half a birthday present (a 30 GB MP3/Video player). Kinda cool – no I’m not materially obsessed at all. ;) Truth be told the present wasn’t all that important and the no happy birthday is bugging me a little (just a little) but I’m trying to be mature.

Quietish day at work. I have a speech that has come back for revision. I’ve been told my conclusion is a little “flat” ugh! The topic is the Canadian Forces Aeronautics Act; the audience is the House of Commons – what I should throw in a joke or two, lol. How to make the ending pop – I have no idea!

Yesterday as we were leaving Church some random lady who I don’t know stopped us to tell us how adorable and CALM!?! our kids were. Excuse me, was she really talking about my kids?!? Sam spent the entire service climbing up and down off the chair next to me. He would climb up, his heart would get halfway through a beat and he would slide off the chair, give a happy “oops” and climb back up again. It was maddeningly annoying but he would scream if I tried to make him stay on the chair so I just let him do it – pick your battles eh? He wasn’t going to hurt himself, we were in the last row, up against a wall so he wasn’t really disturbing anyone but me. Kamryn was being a pain – she was defiant, loud and trying to be as “infantile” as her brother to get attention. Both of them were kind of embarrassing but I was watching other kids around us and thinking that our two definitely were not the worse. Still I wouldn’t have described them as “calm.” Too funny.

In all serious, lately, Sam seems to be calming down considerably (she says because the memory is short). When he gets all riled up, if you hold him and tell him he needs to calm down he will (momentarily) and will actually repeat “calm, calm, calm.” Of course the second you put him down he is off again like a rocket but progress nonetheless. He also did quite a good job sitting in time out yesterday. He screamed his head off the entire time but he sat on the little chair I put him on without trying to get off to do his screaming and seemed to “get it.” You even mention time out and it upsets him so he understands. Progress – slow, slow progress.

We went out for a fabulous and super expensive brunch yesterday at a resort. Sam was MORE than good. He sat in his little high chair while everyone ate and he munched on whatever he was given. He really enjoyed some rather exotic cheeses Daniel was feeding him. Who would have thought this was the kid who would ONLY eat chicken nuggets, French fries and chicken and rice soup when we brought him home a year ago.

He also sat in his high chair (without much protest) in the garage for over 2 hours on Saturday while we held a garage sale (in VERY icky weather). I had planned on putting him in his pack and play but I sold it. lol He ate his breakfast and his lunch. He played with the toys we were selling and when things got really iffy – he watched Finding Nemo. I was stunned. I wouldn’t sit there that long! We really had no choice. The weather outside was AWFUL – not garage sale weather at all so he couldn’t play in the driveway while we sold all his toys out from under him. He would have destroyed all our “displays” if we had let him down in the actual garage and I had to take Kamryn to swimming lessons in the middle of the sale and he had to stay with his Dad who was working the sale. There is a light at the end of the tunnel here… maybe.

Anyway, I’m an old Mom now. I don’t feel old though. Where did the last decade go? Still two years from forty but it’s looming. Egads! I guess I’m all right with it – as if I have a choice. I was sitting on the bus this morning ease dropping on a conversation about a baby and thinking that the woman telling to story look WAY to old to have a newborn (turns out it wasn’t her baby she was talking about but perhaps her grandchild?). Then I was thinking I wonder if I do to, look too old to have a baby I mean? No problem I reasoned because I don’t have a newborn but I was wondering nevertheless.

It was an odd drive in this morning. There is a pregnant woman who gets on the bus that I feel super sorry for. What?!? Sorry for a pregnant person instead of greedily envious. I’ve only seen her a few times. The first time I saw her I was sitting across from her and she chatted with her neighbours who had gotten on the bus with her. She was sharing that she just found out she was pregnant. She looked like someone close to her had just died. They noticed her moroseness about the whole thing and commented that she should be happy. She explained that she was but that her husband was not – it wasn’t what they had planned. Ummmm… ya all her fault for getting pregnant he had nothing to do with it whatsoever. Anyway, she gave a little half smile as they encouraged her and told her he would come round and not to worry about him now.

This morning they were telling her that next year she would be front and centre on Mother’s Day. Again, she looked like someone close to her was dying and I swear that after giving them all a half smile she spent the rest of the trip trying not to burst into tears. I feel so bad for her. I don’t know her from Adam and have never spoken to her just stared at her on the bus and felt bad for her. I’m the woman who at one point envied even women who had miscarried because at least they knew they were capable of pregnancy (I got over this fast!) Here I am feeling sorry for someone who is having a completely normal, healthy pregnancy (at least from what my bus watching can determine) but who is abjectly miserable because she is married to a jerk (my assumptions based on no real facts in evidence). Ah the drama of the number 22 Bus.
Now you all think I spend all my time eavesdropping on other people. Sorry, but the bus rides are long and boring (my desolate stop is the very first so it’s a long ride) and no one else gets on at my stop and my new MP3/Video player isn’t set up yet and my CD player is busted and well I’m just a despicable person. lol

Ah well I better get to that speech and my “flat” conclusion. I need to make it sing (I think my boss is around the corner – I can hear him chatting.)

How things changed and quickly

I wrote my previous post May 11th 2006. Everything changed in 24 hrs. Here is my post from May 13th.

I was having a REALLY bad week. We saw the lawyer on Tuesday and he had nothing but bad news for us. Basically he told us that we could be waiting for up to two months to bring Sam home. I spent Tuesday and Wednesday on a constant verge of tears. Work was insane. I have my second bad cold in less than 3 weeks and it was obvious I wasn't handling the stress well. I made an appointment with my family doctor for this Friday to ask her for some time off work because really I felt so AWFUL. Then last night happened.

Just when you think your load is too difficult to bear God reaches down and lifts off the heaviest log.

Last night I climbed into bed the same time Maya did cause I was feeling crappy. We have a television in the room and Claude came in to join me. We closed the door so that the television wouldn’t disturb Maya. The phone in our bedroom doesn’t ring. Around 8:30 I thought I heard a woman’s voice and muted the television so I could determine the source of the mysterious sound. It had stopped. I chalked it up to background TV noise. Around 10 I hear the voice again – figured it out in time that time. It was our answering machine downstairs picking up because we hadn’t heard the phone. It was Sam’s adoption agency.

They had a meeting with the Children’s Aid yesterday. Sam’s grandmother isn’t handling the strain of this any better than we are. She insisted that things get moving. The CAS caved. They are going to appoint us “provisional foster parents” (I have no idea how they just wave a magic wand and make this happen) so that we can provide “respite care” for J*. We will fly to **** on Tuesday for 8 days and will get to celebrate his first birthday with him on Wednesday. :smile Also, the social worker’s neighbour has left for 2 months and the social worker is watching their house. The neighbour offered that any guests she had could stay there so the social worker has offered us this three bedroom house to stay in while we are there – no hotel! They’ve decided that we will arrange it so that Sam can spend a few nights with us while we are there (so we can be seen as providing real respite care; whatever I get to spend the night with my son :smile). I’m so excited. We’ve already got our plane tickets. All that there is left to do is pack. After we have spent a week in Thunder Bay we will come home and Sam and his grandmother will come up to Ottawa about a week later. So much to do. So little time. Ain’t it great?

I always tell people waiting to be matched not to give into the frustration of it all because it all can change so very quickly. I'm not good at heeding my own advice.

Yesterday, my little boy - looking like a surfer dude - was giggling and laughing in the back seat of the car as we played a modified version of peek-a-boo. I always talk about Sam's temper because it's so hard to deal with. I should talk more about his sense of humour because he can be so amazingly fun. He's a little comedian. He laughs at his own jokes and is just so darn cute. Sigh. Can't believe it's been a year.

Last May I Wrote the Following

Things on the adoption front aren’t going well (they aren’t falling apart they are just moving at the speed of glaciers).

Monday, I got an e-mail from the adoption agency with Sam social history. What he is doing, what he likes etc., essentially a paper picture of our little boy. We're missing soooooo much; he's such a great little kid. He's not walking yet but he's getting there. He cries if you meet him and don't acknowledge his presence. He needs to be spoken too. :lol It made me all excited reading about him.

Then yesterday came. We met with our lawyer to sign paperwork etc. The social worker had explained to us that we would have to wait about 30 days to start visiting. The lawyer had a different tale. He says he needs the following:

1) aprox. 10 days to serve the birthfather
2) 20 days for the birthfather to respond.
3) A court date to be set
4) 30 days following the court date for the appeal process.

Okay, I sat in his office and quietly freaked. Took all my effort not to burst into tears right then.

EVERYTIME we speak to someone about this adoption they tack 30 days on our wait. So I went home and wrote an e-mail to the adoption agency. Before we even started this process we asked – will this be a legally at risk adoption and were assured that the birthfather was out of the picture and that this should move smoothly. I KNEW I wasn’t cut out for this kind of stress, which is why we asked. Had I known what I know now back in April, we wouldn’t have proceeded on this adoption. As I told our social worker last night when she called to calm us down – we could have gone to the US and adopted a newborn but we didn’t because of costs. This adoption will cost more than that would have easily AND we have all this added stress and heartache.

Anyway, it seems that the lawyer MAY have overstated things some. The adoption agency BELIEVES that the Children’s Aid (I HATE the Children’s Aid, bunch of incompetent boobs!) MAY give us the go ahead to begin visiting once we have a court date which means mid-June sometime. Then again it could just as easily drag on through July (they didn’t say that but come on the first date they gave us was April 12th!) So I’m a little discombobulated and pretty much on the constant verge of tears. To make matters worse I’m sick (with a cold) AGAIN. I barely got over my last cold (I only stopped coughing about 4 days ago) and now I’m sick again. I think I may go see my doctor and take a week of sick leave to just unwind a little.

Packages in the Mail, birthdays, and various other things

So work has been quite busy but now not so much. To be honest, I’ve done about 5 minutes of real work today and I’m not shirking, that’s how much there was to do. It will likely be like this until Monday or perhaps even longer than that. Such is the life of a speechwriter. If no one is giving speeches … A colleague of mine and I were chatting and she was telling me that freelance speechwriters command really high fees (compared to my daily salary) but the downside is that when we are quiet so are they, the difference being that they don’t get paid over that quiet time. I like getting paid. Lol

This week, I mailed off 3 special packages. I’m feeling kind of proud of them although I didn’t do the hard part – all I did was make pretty covers and mail them. They are DVDs of the kids (different DVDs for each kid) highlighting the last year. The include pictures and little home movies, set to music (it’s nice to have a professional broadcast editor as a husband sometimes :)). They are our Mother’s Day presents to Sam and Kamryn’s birthmothers and Sam’s grandmother. I wasn’t going to send Sam’s grandmother one for Mother’s Day (I don’t know what I was thinking) because she is coming up to see him in a week and a half or so but I went to buy Mother’s Day cards yesterday and realized how stupid an idea waiting was.

We are still at odds with Sam’s birthmother over his name. She writes us e-mails quite often and always refers to him with his original name (it’s now his middle name). I never say anything because I don’t want to upset her. Still… it grates. It’s been a year now and well – his name is changed! I did note that she just used his initial on his birthday card, which I guess I appreciate. We chose his name based on the fact that his birthfamily didn’t use his given name and instead tended to call him by the initial. We stuck with the same initial. Otherwise his name really would have been “Sam.” Anyway, Daniel went through great lengths in editing the video (he was up until 3 am on Sunday night!) to remove all mention of his name in our home movies. Sweet of him except he didn’t tell me he had done that until yesterday (I mailed his birthmother’s copy yesterday morning). I made up little CD covers which I titled “A Journey Through my Second Year” and signed “Love Sam.” Ah well…

We are coming up on the anniversary of everything finally coming together for his adoption. This time last year I was absolutely miserable. Crying everyday miserable because things kept getting worse and worse. Today, I mailed the payment for our last bill to his adoption agency. His paperwork to finalize the adoption has been filed with the courts and we are just waiting for confirmation in the mail that that adoption has been finalized (we have no idea when it will actually happen but it should be any day now). After almost 5 years, we are finally done with attorneys, and adoption agencies, and social workers. Feels kind of odd. The tremendous bureaucracy of the adoption process has taken so much of our life up for so long; it’s hard to leave it behind. It’s a welcome load to put down though.

I’m busy planning for Sam’s second birthday party for the May long weekend. I so hope the weather is nice. We are getting (hopefully if my neighbour comes through) a bouncy house that the biggest problem will be getting Sam to share with his guests. Lol I’ve decided to go with a Finding Nemo theme (having learnt nothing from attempting to do the same thing last year for Kamryn’s birthday). He carries a little Nemo or Dory toy around wherever he goes, though; it’s definitely a favorite. The toys are actually remnants from Kamryn’s birthday cake last year. What the party will likely be (after I search everywhere and find nothing Nemo and Dory related) a party with blue and orange streamers, a Nemo cake and … well that would be it. Not that he will care. We will have a family party the following day. For that I will get a Buzz Lightening cake, another Sam Favorite. We are going to have a lot of cake.

My birthday precedes Sam’s. I didn’t think we would celebrate since it’s the day after Mother’s Day but Daniel is insisting on taking the day off work and taking me out for dinner and a movie (none of the good movies will have been released yet since my birthday is too early in May ah well). I told him that I was just flattered that he plans to do this and that it’s the thought that counts and he can work if he wants to but he is insisting. Pretty funny, I would be annoyed had he done otherwise, but now that he has I’m soooooo fine with him not doing it. Am I making any sense? Daniel’s birthday follows Sam’s (3 birthdays in 6 days) but he’s going to have to share his celebrating with Sam since his birthday is on one of Sam’s party days. Sam’s grandmother is supposed to join us for one of the parties. Don’t know which yet. Did I mention there’s going to be a ton of cake? Lol

Okay more from me later this week. I’ve been reading my journal entries from last year this time. It’s a little bizarre. Kind of like reading a book after you already know there will be a happy ending. You just want to yell at the characters – just you wait, exciting stuff will happen in chapter 2.