Wanna know a secret?

I don’t miss my husband.

Okay I do miss him but not in the way I expected to miss him. I miss his company, not his help. I was thinking this morning as I walked into work that this is not at all as hard as I thought being alone was going to be. I’m quite competent and kind of enjoying the simplicity of doing things on my own – my way.

Now I’ve cut some corners in the past few days but not that many. I actually had to edit this paragraph because I was listing the corners that I was cutting and I could only really come up with one thing. They’ve eaten (for some strange reason) a lot of hot dogs. Oh and I haven’t put the laundry away – I just keeping moving it back and forth from the big chair in my bedroom to the bed and back again. Last night, (at midnight!) I at least folded a bunch of it.

The kids have had their normal number of baths and showers. I’ve been grocery shopping with them. They’ve had a playdate that included dinner – hotdogs! They’ve been to a picnic – more hot dogs! Tonight, if it doesn’t rain I’m going to take them to this new and wonderful park that the Kiwanis Club has built a short drive from our house. We will have something for dinner that isn’t composed of spare beef bits grinded up. The house (except to the laundry, hidden in my bedroom since the playdate on Friday (when I moved it from the couch in the playroom lol) is neat and picked up. I’ve ordered a new chandelier for the dinning room that I haven’t even mentioned to Daniel (it was on sale and there were only a “limited number” (fifty-six) available so I had to act fast lol).

It’s just so much easier to say wash the dishes when I know I’m the one who dirtied them. I feel responsible for making sure they get washed immediately. I get my dérrière out of bed in the morning to get everyone washed and fed because there isn’t anyone else to do it. It’s much easier to pull up your socks when you know that if you don’t then your ankles will just get cold – no one else is going to do anything about it. I feel less guilty when I hop on to the computer after the kids have gone to bed instead of spending “quality time” gazing at the TV and drooling next to Daniel on the couch.

Okay sleep isn’t going well at all – for me though, not the kids. They are sleeping fine. I haven’t managed to close my eyes much before 1 am yet. I hate sleeping alone. Last night was the best but that’s because the exhaustion is catching up on me. Tonight will hopefully be easier still and tomorrow, late, he will be home. Got to get the laundry away.

The kids seem to be doing fine as well. They ask about Daniel but more in a matter of fact, accepting way and MUCH less than I thought they would. I have told them both that Daniel is on vacation visiting his “Maman and Papa.” Kamryn gets this and asked me this morning how much longer we were going to wait for him (like we were sitting pining by the window lol). :) Sam seems to equate the word “vacation” with his grandparents (who were on vacation for the better part of this summer) and golf (also a grandparent thing) so he thinks his dad is out playing a very long game of golf I guess. Lol They’re doing fine but will be thrilled to see their father on Wednesday morning.

So we are all holding it together. I think much longer than a week and what would get to me would be the loneliness. Competency is fine. Having time to do what I want to do instead of lining things up with Daniel – nice, but when the kids go down it is AWFUL quiet in the house. I couldn’t handle much more the 6 days of it I think. That and while it’s Monday morning I can’t say I feel particularly rested. I feel like I spent ALL weekend running - hard. Every joint and muscle in my body is actually sore. I think I’m actually a little exhausted and it’s only been 5 days. Egads. I am spoiled.