Typically Atypical

So now things get complicated. How are we not typical? The question makes me think perhaps it's self-centered of me to think we are not. There are a lot of families out there just like us (some a darn sight more interesting; I "know" many of them having "met" them online). We are a family formed by adoption. I look at our family photo, of which I'm quite proud, sitting on the mantle of our fire place (the same one at the beginning of this post) and think it looks so perfect and genuine. At the time it was taken (July 2005) we had been a family unit less then 8 weeks. While we looked the part we were still very much working out the kinks. We still are for that matter. I don't know when we'll be done with that, if ever, but is any family?

I wonder how the family dynamic is different in families that come together because Mom and Dad were feeling a little frisky one night rather than that families formed after years of infertility problems, invasive infertility treatments, stressful homestudy processes, expensive and every more stressful adoption proceedings. I suspect most times it isn't any different whatsoever. However, I spend a lot of my waking time thinking about the adoption part of our equation. It prevades everything I do, everything I think about. It's always there just under the surface. When I go to a Mommy and Me class with Sam I'm thinking, do these people know. Would they care? Do they know what we went through to have this little miracle in our family? Do they realize as I struggle to deal with a tantrum that it's likely not a "normal" tantrum and that this little boy has been through more in his short life then they will likely experience in their lifetime and probably handled it better then they ever could have? I'm smiling and chatting about age appropriate milestones of our similarly aged progeny (see there we go he's not my progeny) but I'm thinking all those other things.

When I sit down to surf parenting websites during my copious amounts of freetime, I go to the adoption sites or the infertility sites. I've been to the normal parenting ones. I lurk sometimes but I rarely post. I don't fit in and I don't understand and it's better to be anonymous on the sidelines. I spend a lot of time on my two favorite sites. I have good friends there. I feel comfortable and at home there. I also have that journal that I kept for ages. Had I got pregnant when I set out on my journey towards a family seven years ago I suspect that I never would have thought twice about participating in any kind of online community. Figured I had gotten that out of my system when I met and married Daniel (more on that someday in the future). I would continue quietly going about my existence and raising my family. Now I'm an online addict. My online friends are a lifeline that I couldn't live without (well I probably could but I would miss them so ...).

My experiences would be so different. So much more "typical" but what is typical anyways. Would we be more typical if IUI #1 had worked, #2? How about IVF#3 our "Hail Mary pass"? Everyone has their history don't they? A little more on ours later... Cheers.