Graduation!!!! ... of sorts :)

I thought I was over getting teary eyed at things like pre-school graduations.

Nope. Not so much.

Wednesday Sam "graduated" from pre-school (not really unlike most of his classmates he has another year to go before elementary school). It was so darn cute and it amplified how very far he has come in a year. He got his little report card and it was all good news (vice Christmas when they pointed out that he had to work on his ability to follow directions/listen).

He did super well at graduation too - until he fell off his chair of course. He is SUCH a social kid and just LOVES being the centre or at least the object of much attention.

Some photos – I’m going to drown everyone in photos. :)


Getting his diploma (rolled up blank piece of paper tied in a bow) which he then proceeded to chew on.



It was his inability to stay in his chair that ended with him sitting on the floor sobbing and eventually leaving his spot to come and sob in my lap.



With his teachers.



With his best bud who sadly is off to elementary school next year and who he will miss terribly. Although I've heard about this kid constantly for a year this was the first time I actually spent any time with him. After about 2 secs. I understood why Sam liked him so much. What a nice kid.

My Sporty Son

So today was Sam's first soccer "practice." Yes -- he is too young. Yes -- he is too immature, as is his attention span. But, you've never seen a kid more miserable than Sam being told that he couldn't play at his sister's soccer practices. And, you've never seen a kid more thrilled with the prospect of playing as Sam was today. He has more ball control than his older sis and he definitely tries harder. He doesn't listen to instructions though and those that he does hear I'm not so certain he understands (I spent the first half of practice chasing after him trying to get him to understand that its a class and he has to do what he is told and what the other children were doing.) It's a 3/4 class and I suspect MOST of the kids are nearer to 4 than 3. Sam isn't short in the slightest (75th percentile last check-up!) and he IS the shortest kid there so maybe one of the youngest? He was definitely the least with it kid but he was happy and was also definitely the most enthusiastic. We have to practice putting the ball in the actual goal though. Here are some photos of my soccer star and how about a couple of Kamryn during her first soccer practice.

Okay this has NOTHING to do with Soccer but was too cute not to add. Sam's birthgrandmother sent him roller skates for his birthday - ugh! He begrudgingly tried them -- he's a coward and a big cryer. He didn't last long. lol Note the picture is of him sitting down. He wouldn't let go of me when he was standing so I couldn''t take anymore pictures.




Okay soccer ones:



Taking on his coach:





And one that just shows how wacky 3/4 year old soccer is. Note the net in the picture -- that's the end of the playing field. Note the hurd of children in the distance -- that's where the ball is. lol



Yes the best photo I got of Kamryn was snack break. lol



She has her hair in a pony tail in this one and looks just like a boy -- oops. That's her best bud standing next to her -- don't they look into the whole thing.

I'm going to audition for Sesame Street.

This morning Sam came into my room as I tried to pull myself from bed. He patted me on the head and commented how he liked my hair... uh hunh? Then he completed his sentence and explained that it was "just like Ernie's" LOL I have Ernie's hair. Sam has a soft spot for Ernie. I've always had one as well. :)

Go Sens Go!

Protesting

So I’m busier than I’ve ever been at work and at the same time I have nothing to do. The nature of the job is that you write like a mad person, wait for someone(s) to review, edit like a crazed lunatic, wait for some to review, write like your hair is on fire, wait for someone to review. That’s with one speech. Right now, because things are crazier than crazy I have two on the go (at one point it was three!). That might not sound like much but it gets very confusing. Right not I’m in a “waiting for someone to review” lull. It’s my last level of approval before I am done, done, done and I’m not expecting major changes from the very important and busy people that are currently reviewing my drafts. I’m also not expecting to hear anything today. So I’m kind of just chilling.

It’s also a really nice day out so I went out for a walk. I wandered down to a REALLY nice shoe store that I should avoid because its kind of expensive and always makes me want to buy 10 more pairs of shoes than I need or want. I bought a pair of sandals (planned purchase); grabbed and ice cream cone for sustenance and proceeded to take the long way back to the office.

The nature of working steps from Parliament Hill is that there is always some protest or another one going on. As I meandered, I ended up right in the middle of one. Turns out it was the “National Walk for Life” — an anti-abortion protest. It was huge. One of the biggest I have seen.

I’m most definitely anti-abortion (and no I don’t care what the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy are) but it’s not a cause I wear on my sleeve or talk about much. In reality I don’t think about it much. Okay, I’m not a strong person; I much prefer to pretend something that I know I have little power to change doesn’t exist than to rail ferociously and ineffectually at it. I’m also not the most confrontational person in the world. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good argument but not about huge moral issues. If I think I can change something watch out but other things I work hard to just squeeze out of my mind. I know it’s not a good character trait but hey I never said I was perfect.

Anyway, back to the march. As the rivers of people flowed by I walked along slowly and thought seriously about what I believed and if I belonged in the middle or if I should be walking on the sidewalk and emphatically demonstrating that I didn’t support the cause. I decided I belonged in the middle of the protest and I stayed. AND I got quite teary eyed.

I started thinking about the kids birthmothers. Kamryn’s birthmom didn’t find out she was pregnant until the 5 month. I don’t know where she stands on abortion. I know she very emphatically didn’t want to be a mother. I don’t know what she would have done had she known at say 6 weeks. Sam’s birthmother … sigh. She wanted to be pregnant very much. Sam was definitely planned. She went home at 5 months pregnant and her family took care of her. She has been pregnant twice since. Again her family has taken care of her. Sam has no siblings.

In the middle of this march, I got to thinking that with just a small change in circumstances one or both my children might not be here. I don’t think this is an issue I can push from my mind anymore. It’s right there in the open and I don’t think I can look at my kids and not feel it tugging a little at the corners of my mind. I guess, starting with this blog entry, I’m going to be a little more outspoken on the topic than I have been in the past.

Again I must apologize for being MIA

Sorry I keep doing this. Been working insane hours. Daniel asked when I would be home from work yesterday; I told him after the war. I was partially serious. Sigh. Turned out to be just after 8 which wouldn't be all that bad except that's pretty much what its been for FOREVER as long as you don't count 1:00 am last week. Ugh! Tomorrow I need to pack a change of clothes - comfy clothes - because dashing out for a dinner break and buying a new set of clothing because I know I'm staying until midnight is getting expensive. lol

I guess I shouldn't complain -- no one is trying to blow me up. Life could be more difficult.

For the first time, on Easter Sunday, I had a good long cry over what is happening to our guys in Afghanistan. We lost 6 guys Easter Sunday. I've felt sad before over losing soldiers but this was definitely different. It was EXACTLY what the Taliban had hoped to achieve. Bloody Taliban wanted to shake us to the bone and they did. They aren't nice guys to put it mildly. I have nastier descriptions of them but I spent the day drafting different ways to say "bad guy" and my brain is fried.

Easter Sunday Canadians were busy commemorating not only Easter, but also the 90th anniversary of Vimy Ridge. They knew what they were doing when they planned that attack. They succeeded in rocking a nation. But, Afghanistan isn't Iraq; its a VERY different situation and I do believe we belong there. Still it is hard. I've written statements for the Minister to give after a death. I've drafted countless justifications as we struggle to explain what we are doing so far away and why our guys are dying for people who for the most part have never heard of Canada. When you do stuff like that day in and day out you have to do a pretty thorough personal inventory. I don't know how I would do my job if I didn't believe that what we were committed to was right. No matter its an emotionally difficult job to do but... no one is trying to blow me up.

Hmmm... 3 kids?

So last Monday we got 15 cm of snow. They were calling for rain and snow overnight so it wasn’t a complete surprise but I was a little surprised when after getting up an looking out the window Daniel started to laugh. I asked him if it had “stopped raining.” He looked at me and said you could say that – there is a half foot of snow on the ground. It was a miserable day. It was wet and slippery and rained/snowed all day – picture slush falling from the sky. YUCK!

Friday, I wore a sleeveless blouse to work with a hoodie over it to keep out the early morning chill (it was casual Friday). I took the hoodie off at around 10 am and never put it back on. I was hot walking home from the bus stop after work. What a glorious weekend we had. It got over 23 each day. Humidity was non-existent (very odd for “the valley”). And with snow still on the ground in some places (VERY few places) there were no bugs. Glorious.

Daniel and I played golf on Saturday. 18 holes. We walked because the course was too wet for carts. I normally prefer walking anyways. This was torturous. A swampy LONG course (4 ½ miles if you play like Tiger Woods and don’t have to dipsy doodle all over the course) combined with my out of shape body – by the 14th hole I was completely dead. We great to be out this early though.

Sunday, the kids were barely indoors. We went to this huge new park near our house. It’s still technically under development I guess (i.e. they seeded for grass in the fall – said grass is still pretty sparse but it is only April). The play structures are wonderful. It’s a “fully accessible” park. So if you’re a kid in a wheelchair you can pretty much get everywhere a mobile kid can. What it means for parents is that you can climb on the play structure without fear of anything (on you or the play structure) breaking. There are ramps and handholds and steps. It’s wonderful and big and the kids get a great kick out of it.

We got there and I commented to Daniel that Kamryn and Sam were at a great age. An age where we can let them just go – we have to watch to make sure we know where they are but we don’t have to hover every minute. Almost (but not quite) totally relaxing. Lol So there we were; I’m comfortably reveling almost being completely out of the toddler stage and then I started thinking that this would be a great place to take pictures for an “Dear Birthmom” letter.

Daniel said “no way!”

I wasn’t really serious, but it did cross my mind. Briefly. :)

The Gospel According to Kamryn

So I'm trying to explain Easter to my Kamryn. We do go to Church BUT the Children's service is at an inconvenient time for our family so she's stuck with the adult service and most of it goes right over her head I'm sure. She also goes to a Catholic school but I have no idea what they are teaching them about this given their ages. Anyway we've been talking a lot about the religious meaning of Easter in the past week trying not to be overwhelmed by bunnies and chocolate eggs.

She gets that Jesus died on the cross (my children have an odd fascination with cruxifixes). In fact she was explaining to Sam this morning (with the help of a book)how bad men came and took Him away (this is what prompted the conversation in the first place). She kind of understands sins (not really but getting there) but it's her idea of resurrection that had me stiffling some giggles this morning.

Remember my whole "mission d'étre" here is to try to explain the religion behind the whole thing absent commercialization. So we were talking this morning about how after Jesus died he "came back to life" and she looks at me and says...

..."like Frosty?."

Ah well. If the commercialism of one holiday will explain the next I guess I can't knock it too badly. Frosty as a Christ figure? Hmmmm.... :)

Wordless Wednesdays - A short photo essay

A Kamryn Funny

So Kamryn noticed a few hairs in her brush last night after I brushed out her hair and asked me where they came from. I explained that when I brush her hair sometimes a few get pulled out and caught in the brush but that it was all right because they would grow back.

I then took advantage of the situation to reinforce a "rule" about combing her curly haired American Girl doll's hair. I explained that the pulled out hairs were the reason we don't comb Ella's hair because, as she was just a doll, the hairs wouldn't grow back and she would end up bald.

Kamryn nodded sagely and then commented that maybe Daniel shouldn't brush his hair either.

So I haven't abandonned you...

The Minister of National Defence said something he shouldn't have and it's meant 14 hour days for me. During my "spare time" we've been redecorating Sam's room -- we're almost done.

Took the day off on Wednesday and wrote this to commemorate how wonderful it felt. lol

So I took the day off yesterday because we had no childcare available and I had one leave day to burn before the end of the fiscal year. It was sooooooo great. I felt so productive.

My schedule:

8:30 drop Kamryn at elementary school
8:45 drop Sam at preschool

Zip home because I had forgotten my cell phone. Take the opportunity to package up Sam’s crib tent that I had sold on E-bay. Off to the post office. Mail said package.

Stop to buy Diabetic candies for sick Aunt.

Off to the fabric store to find fabric for Sam’s new bedroom curtains. Buy fabric – Cars! Cars! And more Cars! Lol.

To the hospital to visit sick Aunt.

11:30 pick up Sam from pre-school.

Grocery shop. Home for lunch.

1:00 Sam down for a nap.

Finish touching up the paint in his bedroom (he was napping in Kamryn’s room). Remove the tape from all the trim.

Make curtains (lined!). I don’t sew so this was a biggie for me – took me most of the rest of the day. They came out really nice if I say so myself. :)

2:50 wake sleeping Sam and zip to pick up Kamryn at school.

Home. Kids run around like silly buggers destroying the house while I finish the curtains.

Start supper and discover we have no onions so the Shepherd’s pie I was going to make is out. Defrost Sweet Potato Soup leftovers instead and make fresh biscuits as a side.

Pause to paint “accessories” for Kamryn’s room (little shelf with hooks for clothes etc. and brackets to hang a quilt on her wall).

Load kids in the car and zip to Sear’s catalogue pick-up to pick-up some linens and accessories I had ordered for Sam’s new room.

Home; feed kids and Daniel. Kids in bed, stories, finish curtains.

Time to put my feet up and watch my PVR’ed Lost.

I felt like a mini-Martha Stewart and was thinking how productive I could be as a SAHM. Then I remember what I was like as a SAHM. It’s so much easier to procrastinate when you know you have more than one-day (at least in my case). Lol I never got half as much accomplished.

Back soon - I promise. :)

Dismantling the Nursery

I didn’t think it would be so hard. I didn’t think it would be so soon (lol it's been 2 kids and 5 years I guess that's not all that soon).

I remember how much fun it was to put together. To plan and dream and imagine when all had seem so hopeless and pointless for sooooo very long.

The wallpaper design was taken right out of a picture from a book at the wallpaper store. It's a completely odd and kind of unbabylike design and that's why I liked it. I had never bought wallpaper before and was clueless about how much things cost. I was so excited to be decorating a nursery finally that I just ordered everything so it would look JUST like the picture and I don’t think I hid the shock very well when the clerk asked me for $700 to pay for it. At that point I felt I was a little too far in to back out. Lol It did look just wonderful to me though.



We started decorating in the midst of being considered for a baby that in the end was not to be ours. Still we knew we would eventually be parents.

I remember going in there and sitting in the glider rocker and imagining rocking a baby months before there was even an inkling that there really would be a baby. It was sunny and warm and gave me a happy feeling in my heart.

I remember the lone outfit that I had bought for future-baby hanging so lonely in the closet because I had this cockamamie idea that I would jinx myself by buying any more clothes.

I remember sitting there with Kamryn after her baptism feeding her as mayhem ruled in the rest of the house.

I remember sitting there and singing to her as an infant.

I remember how Sam used to fall asleep so easily in my arms after we first brought him home, sitting and rocking in that rocker. Such an active, strong and angry little guy, so easily calmed in that rocker.

I remember how mad I was at 16-month-old Kamryn (I think that’s how old she was) when she ripped that wallpaper border off the wall. She was so proud of herself and well its not as if I could punish her for it. Now it’s going to be me ripping off all that paper.

I still love the room.

Daniel comments that the seams now show on the wallpaper, and how the glue is yellowing the edges of the paper. He’s not as nostalgic as I and only sees what is no longer perfect. I don’t see those imperfections. I still think it is a gloriously beautiful room. It brings me peace. But, it’s not my room. This weekend we will start the transition from “baby dinos” to “dum-da-da-dum… Superman”.

Sam, who will be 3 in a couple of months, will love it. I’ll miss the pale purple wallpaper that DH argues is not at all masculine and is probably damaging our son psychologically for life lol. Who cares what I think? If I’m all that nostalgic I guess we have some wallpaper border left over, I can put it up in my own bedroom. Lol

Yup, the baby has left the building.

Our weekend and Build-A-Bear

Kamryn is spoiled silly. I love it. We had a blast while her brother and father where away on their little mini-vacation. We ate out twice – once at Wendy’s and once a Perkins (kind of like Denny’s) – nothing but the best for the T. women. Lol She came to work with me twice and charmed everyone. On Friday I foolishly braved a bad snow storm so that we could take in the movie “Happy Feet.” Saturday she joined me in hosting a good portion of our family in and 85th birthday celebration for my Aunt. She had a blast playing with her cousins – young and old – and she didn’t hit the sheets until almost midnight. Sunday I took her to build-a-bear to build my (oops I mean her) dream bear. Lol I planned to have her pick the $15 basic bear and then get one simple outfit. Ha! How could I, I mean she, resist. I broke down within seconds of entering she she picked one of the most expensive bears – a snow leopard – I tried to hold firm by telling her if she picked this bear (indicating a simpler/cheaper) bear that she could dress is up afterwards. Who was I kidding?

So she got her snow leopard and then we immediately began trying on hoards and hoards and hoards of clothes. Sammie ended up leaving bedecked in black jeans, a red t-shirt and a red and black hoodie. He almost got a leather jacket too but my 4 year old informed me he didn’t need one. She did feel he needed shoes but I held firm on that one – strong aren’t I? She also felt I should buy him a Halloween costume and I declined. Lol

Okay it was a RIDICULOUSLY expensive venture. Sammie ended up costing us almost $70. Oh but it’s been worth it. He has gone everywhere with her. Every night she undresses him and puts him in one of her old newborn sleepers which fits him perfectly btw. Every morning she gets him ready to go to school with her. On Monday morning she appeared at my bedside, dressed and ready for school. When she then informed me that she had already dressed Sammie and he was ready for school to I cracked up. On Tuesday Sammie didn’t get to go to school because she had left his hoodie at school. Since his hoodie cost almost as much as a hoodie for her would I informed her that until everything came home nothing would go back to school. Kamryn needs incentive since she seems to equate school with giving all her things away. His hoodie came home and since then he’s been her faithful companion. It’s very cute to watch and I’m enjoying her enjoying it so much. I great experience for the two of us.

Well it's time to pack up the crib

I guess I owed a blog entry – technically – yesterday. But with Wordless Wednesday (which I posted on Tuesday lol) and all … I never really got around to it. So I’m writing one now. I had my right retina repair done today so I’m seeing a bit wacky right now since one pupil is the size of a saucer and the other quite normal. Still, since I’m here at work not working I might as well blog (which looks to the casual observer that I am indeed hard at work.)

Poor little Sam this week.

Just this week — after mulling it over for quite a while — I made the decision that Sam should get a new bedroom set for his birthday in May and we should move him to a bed. Now Sam is quite happy in his crib. He sleeps well in it. He still fits in it. He’s contained. I know where he is. He’s safe and I had no intention on moving him until the summer.

The problem really isn’t Sam but rather Kamryn. Right now the rule in our house is that she isn’t allowed to leave her room and attack us – oops I mean come into our room to get us until 7:00 am. She is quite good at sticking to that rule and only occasionally needs reminding. But then again there is NOTHING for her to do at that hour of the morning anyways. If she gets up early, she gets dressed and plays quietly in her room until the appointed hour. I like this arrangement. I’m worried that with Sam free – it will be a free-for-all. These kids truly love each other and have a blast together. I’m positive they will both get up to mischief together and I will never sleep again.

Anyway I firmly stated quite a while ago that we would leave Sam in a crib until his 18th birthday. I relented a bit when the weight limits on the crib were pointed out to me. I also thought that potty training may be a factor but boys are harder to train and just because Kamryn night trained without even blinking I didn’t expect Sam to do the same. Ummm… ya. One of my projects this weekend will be to box up all the extra diaper paraphernalia and get it out of Sam’s room. I should probably combine that with setting up his new bed. Sam virtually potty trained himself a few months ago now. We told him where the bathroom was and put him in underwear. It wasn’t much more involved than that – although we had a protracted struggle (if you can call a few weeks a struggle) over the “where to poop” thing. We were having a problem with him overflowing his pull-up so we decided to start waking him when we go up to bed and making him use the toilet then. We did that one night and he didn’t wet the bed after that. A few weeks ago he asked if he could wear underwear to bed and I couldn’t think if a reason why not (except that I have 50 or so pull-ups that I don’t need) so I said yes and ta-da he’s night trained. We still do the 11 o’clock potty-run but it’s been almost two months since we started waking him and he hasn’t wet the bed even once when asleep that is. The continued presence of diaper stuff in his room is simply evidence of my incredulity that it was this easy (and my highly honed skills of procrastination). That brings us to the bed dilemma.

Because he is in the crib he can’t take himself to the bathroom. What it means for us is no longer languishing in bed pretending not to hear him when he calls to be let out in the morning. Hop to it my boy needs to pee! We know that and work hard not to stress him too much over it. Yesterday morning though his calls (a little earlier than usual so not expected) were muted by the TV (serves as our alarm clock), a still closed door and the garbage truck's arrival and we didn't get to him in time. :( Poor little guy was VERY upset. I can only imagine how he felt. His little sobbing voice about how he had to go to the bathroom right away. He tried so hard and we failed him.

Daniel went bed shopping today.

Yikes -- Sam in a bed, perhaps we need to invest in more house insurance.

Wordless Wednesdays

Another Blog that I read does this. I really like it. So not to ruin it with lots of explanations ...

Difficulty Adjusting

I took Kamryn to soccer practice for the first time this session. Daniel normally takes her but as he was away Maman was on. So it's a bunch of three- and four-year olds doing what three- and four-year old do best -- their own thing. Sometimes they did what the coach was asking them to do. Sometimes they twirled around on the floor or wandered about aimlessly or dissolved into tears for various inane reasons. So there is this one Mom there with her EXTREMELY clingy daughter trying to keep her engaged. The little girl was likely 4 -- she was about the same size and skill level as Kamryn. She wasn't doing at all well. Mom stops to explain that she is having a tough time adjusting to all the changes in her life. uh---hunh. What changes would those be? Mom goes on to explain that with the pregnancy and all. uh-hunh. What pregnancy -- it is only then I notice she has a little (we're talking small here!) belly. I'm guessing she was about 4 months. 5 if she carries small. I'm not the only one who didn't notice (and Mom was wearing a tight little track suit so not hard to see her every contour). One of the other mothers asks if she has told the little girl or not. Mom says "well I can hardly keep it secret" and point to her belly. Uh hunh.

Problems adjusting eh? One day we put Kamryn on a plane and told her we were going to meet her little brother. She was two and a half. Her parents had been walking about like crazed zombies for at least 3 weeks. We took her on 2 planes. We took her to a house that wasn't hers where she had to live for a week. We introduced her to a family VERY different from her own who mostly ignored her no matter how desperately she tried to please them. We spent a lot of time with this family trying to get them to accept us -- they didn't and things were pretty tense the whole time. We introduced her to a little brother who liked nothing else than mouthing ALL her toys wasn't terribly into sharing (what 1 year old is) and who cried A LOT. Then we took her away again after she got to know and like this little boy. We waited for another 2 weeks and told her he would come again. The day he was supposed to come again we took her to preschool for the first time ever she cried when we left and didn't want to stay. Then he didn't come because he was sick and couldn't fly. We dealt with crying drop-offs at preschool until a few days later when he finally did come. Then she had to share her parents and her universe for the first time ever. She had to take the back seat while we worked hard on attachment with her new brother (who was far from an easy child in a far from easy situation). I remember one unprovoked meltdown that was obviously from the sheer stress of everything. I took her outside and we sat on the steps and had some mommy-and-me time and that seemed to help. We dealt with a bit of challenging behavior but nothing all that mentionable. She was two-and-a-half.

Now my impressions are a little coloured. Coloured by having spent five days on my own with my four-year old. It's damn easy to take care of a four-year old "only" child. Infants are a challenge I think no matter how many kids you have. Kamryn was an extremely easy kid and even then it was exhausting. It's the constant state of vigilance you must maintain. Four-year-olds -- it's glorious. They keep themselves relatively entertained with only the odd tweak here and again to keep play moving in a positive direction. No diapers to deal with. No need to keep a little stopwatch in your head to remind them that maybe they should visit the bathroom. They can dress themselves, feed themselves. Mostly, without a partner in crime my particular four-year-old was stunningly well behaved. She wasn't clowning or performing for anyone or competing for my attention in any way. Add her brother into the mix and parenting because a little more challenging. Okay a lot more challenging. Daniel reports that while on their little vacation Sam has also been quite angelic (and he's far from a calm kid normally). He notes that Sam has had almost no time-outs where at home he is on the verge of being declared a habitual offender and sentenced to permanent jail time. Anyway, this is all to say that I was in a "my four-year-old is so easy; parenting is so easy, what's your problem" mood. So I probably wasn't being completely fair.

But, I looked at pregnant Mom and her clingy daughter and a raised my eyebrows a bit, sighed quietly and shook my head. I can't imagine the problems she's going to have when there is an actual person instead of a bump in her kid's life. I also can't imagine how neurotic her children are going to be.

Good grief.

Busy, Busy, Busy, Boring, Boring, Boring

So this is going to be short; it’s been one of those days and I’m beat. All I’ve done all day is write frantically and that’s not particularly what I want to do now. To tell you the truth I want to climb in bed and sleep but alas that is not one of the choices I have. Tomorrow is what they call an “ Opposition Day” in the House of Commons. We need to prepare the Government to debate a motion brought forth today by the Opposition. We got dinged this week although not to badly. Our Ministry was not the lead Ministry so we only had to prepare one speech. Unfortunately, it fell to me to write it. Normally a speech takes about 10 days to work up. Ideally 17 days (there is an extensive approval/editing process). I started writing at around 10 this morning. It all would have been fine except today Daniel and Sam left to visit family in Manitoba. I darted out of work at 3:30 to whip them to the airport and then fly back to work – Kamryn in tow. She was good. She coloured and watched television in my office and only seemed to demand my exclusive attention when I was editing with my boss – oops. Ah well he has kids. We didn’t get out of there until 7 though – yikes. Grabbed some barbecued chicken for a quick dinner on the way home. MMmmm healthy… not. I just got her in bed and now I’m waiting for our translators whose task it is to translate the entire speech into French and send it back to me tonight so that I can deliver it to the Minister’s office before I go to bed. Sigh. Did I whine about how tired I am?

I’m tired and I miss my little boy. I’ve left him once since he came home. Once for 24 hours. Can I survive 6 days? I keep wondering how he’s doing. Daniel and Sam just know how to push each others buttons. Daniel doesn’t have any patience and Sam is one proud, stubborn and mischievous (did I tell you he breaks things now just because he can?) two-year old. Unfortunately, Daniel often forgets the two-year old part and I need to remind him. Now I’m not there to remind him. I’m sure they will do fine. This is good for them.

I’m kind of enjoying being a single parent of one school-aged child. So far (6 hours in; lol) pretty easy. Without a sibling around to impress, influence, cajole and generally get into trouble with she is such a good kid. Okay she’s normally a good kid but her and her brother can bring the house down around your head with little effort and quite regularly do.

We’ll see how tomorrow goes. Tomorrow I have to go to work. Go and get my eyes fixed (I found out on Monday that both my retinas are partially detached. They will fix the left one tomorrow and the right one next week). It’s supposed to be a fast and relatively painless procedure. I plan to go back to work afterwards. Dart off at around 2:30 to collect Kamryn from school and then go back to work with her in tow. They are calling for a snow storm though so perhaps that isn’t the best idea. Considering the late night we had tonight I may beg off.

Friday night, I’d like for the two of us to either go to Build-a-Bear or a movie together. Whatever we don’t do on Friday we will do on Sunday. Saturday we are hosting an 85th birthday party for my Aunt. Kamryn is super excited about that. All told – busy and tired. I think I might curl up in bed with a book and come back to see if my translation has been delivered in an hour or so.

Sorry once again for the banal entry. I promise to write something more profound in the coming days. Promise. Cheerio.

Moments that make you go awwww.....

Sam (trying for some alone time maybe?): Kamryn go to your room.

Kamryn: No.

Sam (who has never thought of a question he didn't immediately voice): Why not?

Kamryn: Because I want to play with you. Because you're my best friend.

This isn't going to be all that interesting

Do you think its possible for me to be younger today that I was yesterday? I think so. I certainly feel younger. Funny, what stress can do to you. So I had to do a competition for work — only way to get promoted. I’m not going to get promoted (I think there are too many good people ahead of me) but I didn’t want to humiliate myself on the test either. I could have chosen, as some did, not to do the competition but I felt like that was admitting defeat before even getting out of the gate. I much prefer to round the first turn before I run up the white flag (how’s that for mixing your metaphors). Mostly I don’t have the self-esteem to boldly hold my ground that I am as worthy as my colleagues of my position without a test to measure where I fit. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb but so very true. I don’t remember being so unsure of my abilities as a child/teenager.

So I applied for the stupid promotion. I worked for days on my application and was screened in. There was a point where I was hoping that I wouldn’t make it pass that initial screening. You can imagine my delight three weeks ago, while I lay at home sick with the stomach flu and got the “congratulations, you’ve been screened-in” call. My response was “wonderful.” I think the manager who called me actually though I MEANT wonderful. It wasn’t that kind of exclamation.

Anyway so then I started to procrastinate. I wouldn’t start studying I reasoned until the following week for a variety of reasons that I came up with. Then I found ways to put it off even further. In the end though I did study — hard. I crammed quite a bit of information in my head and only a little flowed back out through my ears. I studied most of last week. I studied all weekend. I studied and I studied and I studied and last night I was so completely bored with studying that my head almost exploded. This morning I wrote a three-hour exam. The questions were fair and thorough and some of them were damn hard but I didn’t draw a complete blank on any of them although as generally happens to most people (I think) after an exam I realized I knew more than I actually put down on paper. Annoyingly enough I don’t know what a pass is. There were 5 questions – all essay. I’m guessing they are all weighted equally. I hope a pass is 50% (although I sincerely doubt it). If it was 50%, I’m good. 60% probably. 70% hmmm… church this Sunday? My colleague expects they’ll simply bell curve it. I think she is probably right. Ah well. I didn’t expect to win the competition anyhow. No matter, I am so relieved it is over and that I can return to life as I know it.

Life as I know it isn’t so hot. Kamryn is sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. She hasn’t been to school all week. It’s unlikely she will go to school this week at all. She supposedly has a virus although I just finished googling pneumonia. She had another “virus” a week and a half ago and got sent home from school with a temp of 103 (her temp was COMPLETELY normal in the morning when I sent her to school). So that was Friday. Her temp was up on Saturday and broke Saturday afternoon sometime. She was fine on Sunday and returned to school on Monday. Fine all week although she complained of a headache. Sunday her temp spiked again. I immediately assumed that the fever she had one week previous and the headache were all linked together and I dragged her to the doctor on Monday. Doctor looked her over, did a strep test, told me she had a virus and sent us home. I got a distinct feeling from my doctor that I was overreacting and wasting everyone's time (although it could be that she was just busy and that it had been a long day for her). I was content with her diagnosis and felt a little stupid.

Monday night, AFTER Motrin, her temp passed 104 and was heading for 105. Gave her tynenol stripped her down and gave her a shower. All was then fine in the world and her temp went down to 101. When she got up yesterday she was fever-free for about an hour. Today it was 101 when she got up (she had a dose of Motrin around 2am). It comes down with Motrin and the occasional tylenol chaser. She has a horrid cough and seems to be getting worse as the week progresses rather than better. This morning was the first morning she didn't complain when I told her she couldn't go to school. She is NEVER sick and has never had a fever this long before. I just called to check up on her (she is with my mother) and Mom tells me that Kamryn coughed until she threw up. That’s the second time this week she has done that. Poor kid. I think that tomorrow we’re going back to the doctor.

So I have a sick kid AND I have a social life. I’m kind of a homebody and actually don’t mind not doing much socially. This weekend might kill me. Lol Friday, I have a friend from out of town and her husband coming to dinner. Kind of a pain. Dinner on a Friday night. There’s work and then you rush home to tidy up a little and throw dinner together. I really want to see her on the other hand I hate week-night social engagements. Ugh!

Saturday, I have an untold number of people coming for dinner. My fault for not asking for RSVPs. Yikes. I THINK we’ve got about 13 people coming. It makes a difference between sitting at the table or doing a buffet. I much prefer to sit at the table so I’m hoping for less rather than more. We can sit 10 easily at the table and 12 close friends. Lol I’m a terrible host.

Sunday morning bright and early (like 4 am) I have to take my mother to the airport. That’s going to be hard. Then, if Kamryn has recovered I’d also like to have her invite a friend over to play. Not looking very likely now. Her little friend keeps having her over for mommy-free playdates and Kamryn never gets a chance to return the favour. I feel bad.

Lots going on when really want I want to do is NOTHING. Okay, one good thing just happened. Tomorrow is an Opposition Day in the House of Commons. That’s a day when the Opposition Party can introduce a motion to be debated. You find out what its going to be the day before and then maniacally write speeches for the debate. Obviously depending on what is being debated a particular department takes the lead. It’s only been Defence once since I started her in April – we wrote until 2 am. There was a good chance it was going to be us today. I so wasn’t looking forward to abandoning my sick child and further abusing my whipped brain and sitting here writing speeches for the next 12 hours. Luckily its not us today but some poor sods at Citizenship and Immigration. Woohoo for the good guys at defence.

Anyway so that’s life in the T. household. Not the most exciting of updates but we don’t have the most exciting lives.

Somehow I ended up talking about Discipline

So I decided last week that in the interests of not letting this blog die that I would post every Wednesday night. Wednesday’s Daniel has volleyball and I’m generally home alone. He hasn’t gone in the last two weeks. Last week he claimed he was sore/tired (I think he just couldn’t be bothered lol). This week I think he’s not going because of Valentine’s Day. I’m proud of myself for not being all passive-aggressive about the whole thing. I didn’t want him to go but as per my standard Operation procedures, I wasn’t going to say anything I was just going to wait and see. I was going to buy special stuff for a Valentine’s dinner and then just not cook it when he ran into the house and then dashed off for Volleyball.

I do that and it doesn’t help anything. When I’m mad I just pout about and wait for him to guess what I might be mad about. Then I get all anxious and upset and I don’t sleep and nothing gets accomplished and that’s just not very effective. It’s stupid. So I’m talking to him before I get that worked up. It works so much better AND I sleep at night; isn’t that cool? I still agonize about bringing things up first though. I’m a fool. You’d think after almost 11 years I wouldn’t worry about what Daniel’s reaction will be whenever I’m angry with him. I can still remember our first fight. I don’t know what it was about at all. I do remember calling and leaving an angry message on his answering machine and then having to lie down because I was having an anxiety attack. Lol I don’t know how my brain got this screwed up that I am so incapable of letting anyone (it’s not just Daniel) know that they have upset me.

An old friend of mine once told me that I worry too much about what other people think. Yup, I do. Can’t change that. I want people to like me and my self-esteem isn’t what it should be (I can understand easily why people don’t like me; I don’t think I’m unlikable but I can see my own annoying traits I’m just powerless to change them) so I constantly look for validation.

Did my parents do this to me? I think they might have. They tried but they were strict and had high standards and I don’t think they often told me outright that I was doing well even when I was. They were big into negative discipline. Positive… not their thing.

I try to be a little more balanced with my kids. Yup we have our share of negative discipline. Some days the kids live in time-outs and when they aren’t in time-out one of their toys probably is. While I try there is yelling in out house (Daniel doesn’t try much at all much to my annoyance). Still, I am free with praise. I compliment the smallest things (i.e. Sam hanging up his coat when he comes in the house; children eating without whining throughout the meal, Kamryn saying her prayers like a little girl instead of a rabid weasel high on crack etc.) I think it works as effectively as negative discipline (oh I definitely believe negative discipline has its place as well).

We’re also big into choices right now. Was that I good choice? What happened when you made that choice? Are you going to make that choice again? I’m never going to have to tell Sam for instance to not climb on the footboard of my bed because yesterday morning his little stockinged feet slipped and he thumped his chin but good. There was much crying and on top of all that there was a discussion about choices from me that I know he didn’t enjoy much at all. Been telling him for weeks that he shouldn’t climb on it – yesterday he learned why. This seems to work rather well and it’s a new approach we’ve taken. My neighbour was discussing this approach to discipline the other day with me. She has a son much like Sam – an angel who if you blink fast morphs into a holy terror. Lol Her son turned 4 today and he’s my inspiration. He’s such a sweet, polite and well-behaved little boy. I sooooooo remember how much of a handful he was at Sam’s age. I have faith that we will survive the preschool years. Lol

You know whenever I think about discipline, I think back to our Dear birthparent letter: When I wrote it so long ago, I was trying to impress birthparents. I read and researched and looked at other people’s letters and yes, I wanted to tell them about me but mostly I just wanted to impress them so they’d pick me. I never thought that once we had adopted that I would ever think back to the letter — that contract — ever again. I think of it often though. Especially the following line: “We believe the most important thing we can give your child is a strong sense of self and the confidence to one day go out into the world happy, confident and successful.” Ever so often I find myself consciously (I hope I do it unconsciously as well) working towards that goal and I’m a little proud of myself. Ever so often I give myself a little pat on the back for doing things almost right (sometimes I’m well aware I’m a also complete screw-up lol).

I feel a certain responsibility not just because I’m moulding these little people so that she will one day go forth in the world as productive citizens but also because someone else had the faith to entrust them to me and I promised them that I would do my best.

On a somewhat related note (but mostly because I want to brag even though I personally didn’t do anything but pick the right school) Kamryn’s school was on the front page of the City section of our local paper last week. It was ranked #1 in the province (tied actually with 37 other schools) out of 2812 elementary schools. The Frasier Institute’s Report Card on Ontario's Elementary Schools: 2007 Edition rates 2,812 English and French, public and separate elementary schools from across Ontario based on nine key indicators derived from province-wide tests of reading, writing, and mathematics skills administered by the province’s Education Quality and Accountability Office. A small number of private schools are also included. Each school is assigned a rating out of 10. Kamryn’s school got a perfect 10! (okay, I read the study and I don’t really understand how they come up with that number but perfect is perfect lol) It’s the first year they have been included in the study (they were too small a school in the past as 15 students from grades 3 and 6 must be tested in order to be included). I feel vindicated as a parent for having chosen this school even though there are so many good schools MUCH nearer to our home (our neighbourhood school was ranked 535th with a score of 7.9 which isn’t too shabby either but not a perfect 10). :)

Okay, I’ve written this at work and I will post it when I get home tonight despite it being Valentines Day and having Daniel at home instead of at Volleyball. See you next week – same bat time, same bat place.