Protesting

So I’m busier than I’ve ever been at work and at the same time I have nothing to do. The nature of the job is that you write like a mad person, wait for someone(s) to review, edit like a crazed lunatic, wait for some to review, write like your hair is on fire, wait for someone to review. That’s with one speech. Right now, because things are crazier than crazy I have two on the go (at one point it was three!). That might not sound like much but it gets very confusing. Right not I’m in a “waiting for someone to review” lull. It’s my last level of approval before I am done, done, done and I’m not expecting major changes from the very important and busy people that are currently reviewing my drafts. I’m also not expecting to hear anything today. So I’m kind of just chilling.

It’s also a really nice day out so I went out for a walk. I wandered down to a REALLY nice shoe store that I should avoid because its kind of expensive and always makes me want to buy 10 more pairs of shoes than I need or want. I bought a pair of sandals (planned purchase); grabbed and ice cream cone for sustenance and proceeded to take the long way back to the office.

The nature of working steps from Parliament Hill is that there is always some protest or another one going on. As I meandered, I ended up right in the middle of one. Turns out it was the “National Walk for Life” — an anti-abortion protest. It was huge. One of the biggest I have seen.

I’m most definitely anti-abortion (and no I don’t care what the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy are) but it’s not a cause I wear on my sleeve or talk about much. In reality I don’t think about it much. Okay, I’m not a strong person; I much prefer to pretend something that I know I have little power to change doesn’t exist than to rail ferociously and ineffectually at it. I’m also not the most confrontational person in the world. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good argument but not about huge moral issues. If I think I can change something watch out but other things I work hard to just squeeze out of my mind. I know it’s not a good character trait but hey I never said I was perfect.

Anyway, back to the march. As the rivers of people flowed by I walked along slowly and thought seriously about what I believed and if I belonged in the middle or if I should be walking on the sidewalk and emphatically demonstrating that I didn’t support the cause. I decided I belonged in the middle of the protest and I stayed. AND I got quite teary eyed.

I started thinking about the kids birthmothers. Kamryn’s birthmom didn’t find out she was pregnant until the 5 month. I don’t know where she stands on abortion. I know she very emphatically didn’t want to be a mother. I don’t know what she would have done had she known at say 6 weeks. Sam’s birthmother … sigh. She wanted to be pregnant very much. Sam was definitely planned. She went home at 5 months pregnant and her family took care of her. She has been pregnant twice since. Again her family has taken care of her. Sam has no siblings.

In the middle of this march, I got to thinking that with just a small change in circumstances one or both my children might not be here. I don’t think this is an issue I can push from my mind anymore. It’s right there in the open and I don’t think I can look at my kids and not feel it tugging a little at the corners of my mind. I guess, starting with this blog entry, I’m going to be a little more outspoken on the topic than I have been in the past.