How to Pack up a Life

My mother just called me to ask if she could put my name down as the a contact for my Aunt when the time comes for them to move her to a long-term care facility from the hospital. My parents will likely be away when a bed becomes available and they need a back-up. This morning the hospital social worker shared with my aunt (who is still and will likely always be 99% non-verbal) that she will not be going back to her life. That when and if she leaves the hospital she will not be going to rehab. That her next move is to that long-term care facility I mentioned. The CAT scan of her brain showed a devestating injury. Half her brain is obliterated. The doctors think she can understand when you speak to her but only to a certain level. They think any attempt at rehabilitation would be futile. It was crushing news for my father who held out such hope. I kind of expected it. I think my experiences with Daniel's Dad helped somewhat. I was sad but resigned to things.

This past weekend we began ripping apart her apartment. Literally. It was an awful, depressing and tearful occasion. The only comforting thought was that we weren't also having to make funeral arrangements. That wasn't all that comforting though. To paw through her treasures. To divide up her life. To discuss who wanted what and what should just go in the trash. To throw away her Christmas lights because we know she won't need them ever again. To look at her running shoes lying in a heap in the corner and know she doesn't need them. I held it together - mostly - until I pulled an apron out of a kitchen drawer that was missing one of the apron strings. It was just so Auntie Eula in a way that I can't really explain to anyone.

My other Aunt was there - hovering things like the Cat in the Hat. I was a little embarassed for her. It wasn't clear whether it was an emotional response or simple greed (unfortunately I think the latter). We took very little: a mahogany photo cube filled with pictures of Kamryn that we gave Auntie Eula for Christmas one year, its centerpiece a picture of my Aunt in happier times holding a cerubic Kamryn; a gorgeous crocheted table cloth that I can remember her making when I was a child; an apron (Aunty was all about aprons)... We don't need anything and it felt wrong to fight over Auntie Eula's things. If my other Aunt wanted something I let her take it (my cousin asked her at one point where she thought she was going to put all the stuff she NEEDED to have).

Aunty Eula's jewelry has already gone missing. Sigh. The apartment is a grand mess and I hope the jewelry just been mislaid. We have until the end of December to empty and clean up the apartment. It will take that long. There's a lot to do. No one is very enthusiastic about doing it.