Not my lifestyle

So I started the South Beach diet 8 days ago ostensibly to support my mother whose doctor instructed her to cut her carbs in light of some health problems. My mother bless her heart “cut her carbs” by going out and buying a ton of fruit. Sigh. So, I bought her the South Beach Diet book (so she would be informed) and told her I would do it with her. I’m doing it alone.

She’s not about to give up carbs – really. She’s still eating white rice and potatoes. We went out for dinner on Sunday and while I had some sort of salad with grilled chicken, beans and cheddar cheese, my mother had steak, prawns and French fries. I wasn’t perfect – I had a SMALL desert (called a bite of brownie – literally half a white chocolate brownie with two tablespoons of ice cream) – my only cheat all week. My mother had a berry and apple crisp. But Mom is stubborn and can’t be pushed or reasoned with. I’ve watched her diet my entire life. She has the discipline of a drunken marine. What I learned from her – a good lesson – was not to diet.

I’m not thin. I generally haven’t been fat either. I did Weight Watchers over ten years ago (wow!); lost 50 lbs and have allowed it to slowly creep back over the last 7 years or so - never actually regaining it all. Lately though I think (I don’t know since I won’t step on a scale) I’ve been getting close. And while I’m comfortable at a size 12 (really I am – I’m 5’9” for heaven sakes); I’m not ready to start buying size 14s (at my heaviest size 14s were tight). There was this roll at my belly that REALLY bothered me. So I thought I could kill two birds with this stone – help my mother; kick start some of my own weight loss.

Everyone complains about how hard it is to lose weight after 40. Well at 42, I can still guffaw at that statement. Perhaps things will change in a year or two but I think I’m advantaged by not having spent my adulthood on a diet. I’m also advantaged by the fact that I thrived on carbs by taking them out of my diet there is practically nothing left. The weight is coming off. But here’s the stupid thing – I didn’t weigh myself before starting (this was about Mom not me – ya right!) so I have no idea how much weight has come off. I do know that the skirts that were getting embarrassingly tight on me fit nicely again. I know that the cute jean capris that I put away last summer because the waist band threatened to cut me in two now fits as well. Sadly the really nice blouse I bought two weeks ago is now too big. So the weight is coming off. Maybe 5 pounds? Maybe more? According to the book I’m supposed to lose between 8 and 13 pounds the first two weeks. I’m generally a slow loser so I expected to lose 8. I intended to stop at the end of the two weeks because I didn’t really believe that this diet was sustainable or smart but now I may be hooked – on losing.

The nice thing about losing weight is getting back into clothes you never thought you’d wear again. I’m really enjoying that and its especially easy because I really wasn’t all that far out of my clothes. So I’m liking that. I like that the roll has shrunk to what I deem acceptable (with the right support it’s gone entirely!) I like the discipline of the diet. I’m good with discipline.

But I HATE this diet.

Right now what I’d like most in life is a latté and a muffin (and I don’t even like muffins). I miss crackers with my cheese. I miss cereal. I miss toast. I crave potatoes. I want to have a chocolate bar. I can’t see accepting low-carb as a realistic lifestyle choice and that means that this weight loss is unsustainable. Which is very sad because I really like how my clothes fit today.

Weight Watchers works so much better because I never felt deprived. I may have been hungry sometimes but I could ignore that and if I wanted a chocolate bar I could have it. On the other hand, the freedom in the end was my downfall. I never journalled properly which makes it so very easy to cheat. So I guess I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to go back to points and all that hassle but I'm not good with not eating anything good. So I'm just whiney.

Before the week is out I will have a solution. I'm hoping that the freedom to add some carbs back into my diet will help but I'm not terribly optimistic.