Sam

I guess I need a Sam entry. Yes, I have been avoiding it, not wanting to say to much on an essentially public forum because as we’ve discussed in the past there really is no anonymity here.

I will share that yes we got a diagnosis of ADHD (with an emphasis on impulsiveness) from the psychologist. That’s not really a mystery – spend an hour with Sam and it's pretty obvious. There were some surprises within the diagnosis as well though – some promising and some a little disheartening. Let’s just say that Sam has some innate strengths and abilities that should help him manage the deficits he has. He’s quite a complex little guy.

His psychologist is excellent. I really liked her and wish that we could continue to see her. However, she doesn’t do counselling only evaluations and doesn’t feel that, for ADHD, counselling does any good anyways. Still there are questions I still have and as we try different strategies at home and at school it would be most helpful to be able to bounce ideas off someone. One the other hand I have no idea how we’d pay for it all. We maxed out our insurance just getting the evaluations done (there is some spare capacity remaining but not much so I better not crack up this year!). For instance – something small here - Sam has a real facility for puzzles and he really enjoys doing them. I think it might have to do with immediate gratification which he really needs but I don’t know. I’d like to discuss this with the psychologist and get some confirmation (not that its really needed as its pretty obvious) that this is an activity we should focus on.

The psychologist recommended a cushion called a “sit-fit” for Sam to sit on at school as a way to make it easier for him to stay in his chair (something that is a BIG challenge for him). So he went to school with it yesterday with strict instructions that it wasn’t a toy and that if he continued to disrupt the class his teacher would take it. Don’t know how that worked out but no notes from the teacher and hopefully after the newness wears off he won’t focus on it so much (he was a little off the wall excited about it which was worrisome).

We haven’t received a full written report yet from the psychologist. She promised it for the end of this month. We have an appointment with our primary care physician to discuss medication in February – it has been recommended and if our doctor agrees, we will go forward with medication. The pressure is off a little though not because of the overall diagnosis but the little things I learned about Sam. Things indirectly related to the ADHD that I thought he did consciously and now I see and understand that he has absolutely no control over. Things that the psychologist has given us some tools to deal with and others that just understanding that the deficit is there have helped me find creative ways to deal with them.

I think Daniel is still in a dream world though. I just don’t think he gets it (and the two of them are going to drive me round the bend if he doesn’t he doesn’t get it soon). He just rides Sam for every little thing he does wrong – and boy that kid can pile up offenses quickly. Rather than stressing the positive he ALWAYS begins with the negative, which isn’t helping a little boy who comes across as a braggart and a bully but in reality has very little self-esteem. I’m not a saint either and parenting a child like Sam isn’t easy but its obvious that Daniel’s methods aren’t working particularly well so I don’t understand why he persists. I’m trying to get him to read some of the books the psychologist recommended but I feel a little like Sisyphus here. He’s just not a reader (in our entire relationship I’ve never known him to read a book cover to cover – even ones he’s sought out himself; he just never finishes reading them). Small victory in getting him to read a book that we got for Sam (he had to read it to him) called “Mon Cerveau Besoin des Lunettes” (My Brain Needs Glasses) – great book for kids with ADHD by the way. It’s hard to find in English (it was originally written in French – woohoo! a resource in the required language for once) but definitely worth the effort.

As an aside, one of the things we did learn in all the testing is that Sam is definitely a francophone. His receptive language skills in French were ranked at the 8.3 year old level while his English was at the 6.0 year old level (he’s 6 ½) also he doesn’t learn abstract concepts like language easily so working in English (his second language) is not advised. Unfortunately, it's REALLY hard to find resources to help kids with ADHD and some of the other problems Sam has in French. All the support groups, peer sessions etc. are all in English (even the testing materials are hard to come by). Surprising in a city a profoundly bilingual as ours but definitely the reality. It's a little frustrating.

Anyway, we’re fine. Sam is fine and will be all right. It’s going to be a challenging decade (and beyond!) though. And yes, having a diagnosis makes things a lot easier (I no longer feel like a nut case, still a bad parent sometimes but not a nutcase one. ;))