When I was just a little boy. I asked my mother, "What will I be?"

Sam wants to be an Olympic athlete. That sentence doesn't do his enthusiasm about his new life goal justice at all. He is REALLY into the Olympics. When Kamryn was small I used to show her stuff on TV - figure skating, dance, gymnastics, people singing etc. in the hope of awakening some inner desire and hidden talent of hers. Those stories people tell of their grown uber-successful children... Oh she saw x on TV when she was small and begged for lessons in Y and now look how successful she is. Kamryn? Not all that interested or enthusiastic about anything I showed her. After a while I accepted the reality that was my life and my child and we stopped this ridiculousness (I admit it was ridiculous but can't a Mom dream?).

Sam though - he's enthusiastic about everything. He bubbles over in pure enthusiasm. There is no halfway. He's easy to motivate; he's certain he can do ANYTHING (aside from getting two happy faces from school; that he equates with the impossible). He would have encouraged my deluded parental brain had I tried the Kamryn-tactic with him but alas I gave that up. On Tuesday I watched Olympic snowcross after work. Kamryn was doing homework; Sam was buzzing about when Canada won a medal. You would have thought Sam knew the winner personally. he kept bouncing off the couch and running to the TV to point the medal winner out to me, her fans, and her parents. The broadcasters were kind enough to keep changing the scene and he had to describe everyone anew each and every time the scene changed. He was so excited. It was very cute.

He was filled with questions and ideas. "I want to learn to do that. When can I try that? Can 5-year-olds be in the Limpics? Would we come to see him in the Limpics?" Poor child. I didn't have the heart to tell him he was never going to be in the Limpics. While he has some incredible athletic talents; he has the wrong parents.

We'll drive him to practices. We'll sign him up for sports. We'll pay for equipment. We'll stand in the rain, snow and sleet and cheer mightily. But we won't push him when he may need pushing. We won't encourage him to abandon one sport to focus all his energies on another. We won't mine his college fund to pay for power skating, and winter soccer conditioning, and summers at sports camps. We won't rearrange our family life around training and competitive team schedules. And no we won't allow him to leave home at 15 and move halfway across the country to play in the junior leagues. Just not our lifestyle choice. To be honest, I don't understand how it can be anyone's lifestyle choice. Right now my big fear is that at seven he will be selected to play Novice A hockey (he's playing at the "A level" in the initiation program he's in now) because I'm pretty certain that the parents of the other A-level players will annoy me too much (I'm way to laissez-faire as a hockey parent).

We love him dearly and want him to reach his full potential but just can't imagine living that way. And I don't understand the people that do (We have close friends that did that; their son was an okay hockey player who made it into Junior A hockey and never any farther. In the end he had nothing.) I guess we're content to be ordinary because we truly believe we are. I'm just not a chance taker. When I look at the odds (and they are pretty abysmal) about making it in any sport (even just as far as a middling sports scholarship) opting to be ordinary just seems to be the logical choice. So he's probably not going to the Limpics. He's probably going to be a good high school athlete who earns some extra money on the side coaching little kids on weekends and during the summer. Then again I also swore up and down not three years ago that my kids would never play hockey.

So maybe... I wonder where the Olympics will be in 2022?

...Que sera, sera...

Tired and Itchy

Really tired today. Two reasons.

1) The medical degree I got on the internet... useless!

When I saw the doctor about my rash she told me to take an antihistamine for 7 days non-stop. I did that. I asked Daniel to buy be 7 days worth of antihistamines because I was confident that in 7 days this would be over. He got 10 because that was the smallest amount available. I ran out on Sunday and didn't buy anymore. I didn't think it was doing anything. I figured I would just take Benedryl and that would keep things in check. I was wrong. I scratched all night (even on a double dose of Benedryl).

2) Ice dancing.

Fell asleep on the counch around 9:30 (Benedryl!). When I finally dragged myself off the couch and upstairs around 10:30 I was WIDE awake so I flipped the TV on. Ice dancing was on. The announcers were going on about an expected Gold medal for Canada in ice dancing. People, I'm tired of expected gold medals. Canada's Olympic team hasn't done badly but they haven't remotely lived up to the hype. We're lost so many "sure" medals. So many gold medals have turned into "no medals." But the ice dancing pair? They were so cute and so sincere. I thought... maybe. So I pryed my eyelids open and I began to watch. I watched until shortly after 11. I watched until I saw the American pair skate (sorry I don't know the names I'm not really an ice skating fan - the guy had long blond curls). They were breath-takingly good. I was really tired and there didn't seem to be much point. How could the Americans NOT win gold after a skate like that? I went to sleep - so very tired. This morning when I flipped on the TV at 6 am there were the Canadians been interviewed - gold medals around their neck. Too funny.

Anyway, today I'm tired (did I mention that?). Tired and itchy.

I do whine a lot; don't I? Really life is pretty good.

I want to go home and put on my flannel PJs. Soft non-irritating flannel PJs. I'm watching the clock. Hard.

I have hives. Started about three weeks ago and at first it was really dismissable. I had 3 hives. On next to my belly button and two on the inside of each thigh. Then I had four on my elbow. The hives would disappear in the morning and show up again after dinner and weren't all that annoying. I rubbed benedryl on them (thought they might be bug bites although in the middle of winter that confused me) and waited for them to go away.

Then they started getting worse. Three hives became ten. Ten hives fifteen. At this point I made an appointment to see the doctor. My appointment was at 9:30 am - not a hive to be seen. Isn't that typical. She was understanding (outwardly; inwardly I'm sure she was rolling her eyes) and told me that's what hives do - they come and go. She told me it could be like this for months and to take an over-the-counter antihistimine for 7 days without a break and if they weren't gone by then to see an allergist. She gave me a referral to the allergist. That was last week.
The hives weren't that bad at that point and this seemed reasonable but over the weekend things got much worse. Thankfully the ones on my inner thighs are gone. Now things have moved to my arms and the backs of my legs. The underside of my arms are now so raw from itching that I can't itch them because it hurts too much. The hives don't go away completely now (although they are always better during the early part of the day) and they are WAY to numerous to even begin to count. I'm miserable. I've been the the bathroom twice at work today to take my clothes off and scratch. Right now I've taken off my suit jacket and am sitting at my desk with my winter coat over my shoulders (to keep me warm) while I scratch my right hive-covered bicep.

I went to the pharmacy this morning and pleaded with the pharmacist. She suggested Lanacan (which worked long enough for me to declare her a genius and then stopped). She also suggested I take Benedryl on top of the 24 hr. Antihistime (which might as well be Vitamin C) I'm already taking.

I just called the allergist I was referred to (for April 26th!) to plead. I now have an appointment for March 21st (not all that much better). I might have clawed myself to death before then.

On an equally whiny note - last weekend was Maya's first out-of-town hockey tournament. I'm so NOT a hockey Mom. I'm too uptight. By the end of the weekend I was so tired of the other hockey parents - no problem at all with the kids. In line with my last post about social laziness. I've decided that maybe I'm just an introvert in an extrovert's body.

The first game was a 2 pm in the afternoon. We lost spectacularly which meant we played again at 8:00 the next morning. We all went to check into the hotel. Party floor was the 2nd floor. I was ecstatic when we were given a room on the 4th floor. Manager Mom -- also on the 4th floor -- was devestated. The parents decided their children should swim, run around the hotel like wild animals and eat dinner at 7:00 pm. I decided my children should eat dinner at 5:00 pm; have a swim; shower and then go to bed (ummmmm.... need to be at the rink -- a half hour drive from the hotel -- 7:00 am people!). Daniel was not there. He had class that afternoon and took the train out to join us later that night.

At 9 pm wild children were running screaming through the halls. My children were in bed at 7:30. They thought I was evil.

The next day they lost their game -- spectacularly -- which meant they didn't play again until Sunday morning at 9:00 am. So here we are - back at the hotel at 10:00 pm; the entire day in front of us; in a small, nothing-to-do-at-ALL town. Well then let's let the kids run screaming through the halls all day - the hell with the other patrons of the hotel (if I had a nickel for everyone who said to me they should know what to expect with a hockey tournament going-on). Am I wrong for thinking this was the wrong attititude?

We took the kids to the mall for something to do. The mall was pathetic. We took Sam to get his haircut at Walmart. We ate lunch and then went back to the hotel and napped - until a small child screaming at the top of his lungs outside our bedroom door woke the whole family up. Kamryn begged to run with the wild children. After a half hour of begging I gave in. I had rules - no running, no screaming and no using the elevator. She's good at following rules. I was confident.

After dinner with the hockey parents and progeny the children recommenced terrorizing the hotel patrons. At this point I went and found a ballroom and asked permission to allow them to play in there (with me supervising) from reluctant but desperate hotel management. Seemed like such a better strategy then telling people paying a good amount for their room to suck it up.

The parents were all right but by Sunday at 4:00 pm after losing our last game (they won the one first thing in the morning) I'd really had it with hanging with them. I definitely had different ideas and it was exhausting biting my tongue and smiling. Ugh! How will I survive years of this?

Kamryn... she had a blast.

Socially Inept

I am so socially lazy, I wonder if here is something wrong with me. I like being with people. I like people in generally. I'm reasonably affable (if overly talkative) although I find it a little stressful. I think one of the reasons I am so talkative is I feel a responsibility to keep the conversation going. That can be a tall order. I hate small talk. I don't want to chat about the weather or how x team is doing this year. I don't like to talk politics with people who don't have advanced degrees in political science (I'm not a snob but political discussion can be infuriating at the best of times throw in a few people with a lack of basic understanding on how government functions and I want to pull my hair out). I cringe whenever I answer the phone and its my mother-in-law because the only thing she feels she can talk to me about is the weather. She still ends with a question about whether Daniel is at work - ummm... he hasn't held a job in two years. So ya... our conversations go nowhere and yes that stresses me out. Not that I want them to go anywhere (I don't like her and I don't think she approves of me. Daniel says I should get over it - that she doesn't approve of anyone) I would just prefer not to talk to her at all.

Anyway, on Saturday some bizarre possession came over my body and I invited Manager Mom and family (technically the invite was issued to the children) to come over and skate with Sam and Kamryn after school (we have a rink in the park behind our home). Then on Sunday I extended this invitation to include dinner. So this afternoon they are all coming over. The kids are over the moon excited; I'm just dreading it. I'm already thinking ahead to 8 pm when they will have gone home. (I just flashed on my first meeting with Daniel - I had similar thoughts. All I had to do was drink a cup of coffee and then I could go and it would be over lol).

This is why I'm so terrible at making friends. I honestly would be happier tonight sitting home alone watching American Idol than entertaining people I know and LIKE. I don't know how I got like this. Was I always like this? Makes no sense.

So I had my little weather mocking post ...

And the weather punished me for it. It stomped on me but good and then said how's that. The day following my last post the ambient air temp was - 26 C (Sorry I have no idea what it was in F and I'm too lazy to look - the scales comes together around that point anyway so probably about the same). The windchill easily dropped the temperature into the mid - 30s. It was unbelievably cold. The next day was almost as bad and then it seemed to improve markedly. This morning I was almost toasty waiting for the bus. I just checked the temps today. Right now it's - 10C (14 F) with a windchill of -18C (0F). Decidedly untoasty. Everything however is relative.

On that note Kamryn played her first (and hopefully last) two games as goalie this weekend. One win, one last GAA (goals against average) = 4.0. She was precious. She was crappy. But she had fun and had no idea that she was crappy. I didn't tell her. I was so proud of her for trying. After the game that they lost she confided that she felt that her team just wasn't playing all that hard. Her Dad and I informed her that as a goalie who let four goals in she shouldn't be criticizing the rest of her team. We were cracking up inside and we relayed this advice. What a funny kid.

During the first game she let a goal in while trying to "get ready" (the stick is bigger than she is so getting ready can be a drawn out process) and one of the boys (or normal goalie) yelled at her. She told me she was very sad and cried a little. I could tell from the bench. I felt so helpless but didn't think the referees would allow me on the ice to go and hug the goalie. One of the other boys on the team hugged her for me (golly they can be sweet). I'm glad her stint as goalie is over though I missed having her on the bench with me.