Fat Pants SAVE ME!

For the first time in years I NEED to lose twenty pounds rather than I would like to. I literally have nothing to wear. I spent a chunk of change the week before I returned to work to buy some contingency clothes – two and a half (with mixing and matching) outfits to help tied me over until I lose at least ten pounds but that’s it. I refuse to dump all the perfectly good clothes in my closet just because I spent a year as a couch potato. I had such plans of all the funs things I was going to do with Sam while Kamryn was as school. The walks we would take the activities we would do but the kid just exhausts me doing normal stuff and all the extras I had planned just didn’t happen. So we didn’t take long happy strolls to the park as I did with Kamryn and I didn’t exercise. I just couldn’t get motivated. What I did do was eat. I eat when I’m stressed and I eat when I am bored and there was much of that over the last year. I knew I was doing it and I just did. I chowed down. I ordered fast food. I ate like I was condemned and now I am … It’s shocking what clothes won’t fit me. It’s embarrassing. SO on my return to work I have buckled down most literally. I have a supply of Nutrigrain bars, tea, and cup a soup in my office and I’ve returned to my “roots.” It’s how I did it 7 years ago (that and Weight Watchers). It will be how I do it again. I’ve had a bunch of false starts over the past year – I lost about ten pounds last fall for Sam’s baptism and went of the wagon at the baptism and never got back on. Being at work, far from the fridge SHOULD help. Nutrigrain bar for breakfast in the morning. Cup-a-soup and crackers or a small sandwich for lunch (hopefully augmented by a fruit of some sort). Reasonably portioned dinner, cooked in my own kitchen.

I know the first two weeks are the hardest to get through and then it’s easy so I have a week more to go and I’ll be home free. I’ve been helped out a little because for some reason the roof of my mouth is raw (I might have burned it on some lo-cal pizza I had for lunch on Saturday). It’s painful to eat anything solid anyways. It’s kind of a blessing. Yesterday for lunch I had a yogurt smoothie (8 points total which works when you’ve only spent 2-points on breakfast. Don’t frown when not dieting I NEVER eat breakfast so two points is an achievement) because I just could not bear the thought of having to chew anything.

Every evening I stand in my closet frowning at my clothes and panicking about what I can find to squeeze my thighs into in the morning. To make matters worse, one of the outfits I bought (never shop when you are in a hurry and depressed about being fat!) I bought a size too big (yes I DID try them on in the store) and had to bring in to have altered because the first day I wore it I almost went mad with constantly hitching up the pants. So I’m short a pair of fat pants.