One more birthfamily post ...

Okay before I whine endlessly please understand - open adoption is wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Nevertheless, like anything good, it requires some sacrifice and while I am willing to make those sacrifices, they aren't easy ones to make at times.

Ugh! So Sam’s “birthfamily” are in town and want to see him. They aren’t really his birthfamily (his is a VERY confusing family). Technically they are his ex-step-grandfather and his step-aunt and step cousin. Regardless, for the first year of his life they were family and when we met them back in May and they asked about contact we told them that they could see him when they wanted and we wouldn’t cut them off from him. Oh… and they HATE us.

Doug (is Sam’s birthgrandmother’s ex-husband. They were no longer together when Sam’s birthmother was born. There is no biological connection at all BUT everyone is very friendly toward one another and they were all living in the same VERY small apartment building for Sam’s first year. Doug lived next door to Nana and Amber (aunt) lived upstairs with Gabriel who is six and autistic. No one’s door was ever closed and Sam was regularly passed around so they are important people to him.

They didn’t want him placed for adoption. They were of the opinion that Nana should adopt and raise him while she VERY much wanted something better for him (i.e. two parent household, siblings, nice house, grass …) They really resented her for making the decision she did. They really resented us for being the unwitting adoptive family. Then we changed his name … That pretty much nailed it.

Anyway, Doug’s step mother lived in Ottawa. She passed away on the weekend so they will all be in town today and want to see him. Nana called last night to ask us if it would be all right. She wants them to leave us alone (she regularly tells us that she divorced him for a reason and that she doesn’t agree with his approach to most things in life lol). We feel obligated to let them see him as 1) we said they could see him and 2) they hate us and we don’t want to perpetuate all the “bad ideas” they have about us. I told Daniel that I wouldn’t be alone with Doug (he really creeps me out) and Daniel is working until 8 both today and tomorrow. We agreed to lunch on Wednesday in a neutral location. At first I thought, well, we could go to a local indoor amusement park and spend the morning and then I reconsidered and thought it’s not his birthmother or birthgrandmother. Yes, they can see him but I’m not jumping through hoops for them (especially considering all I know they have been saying about us and the adoption).

So we’ll skip Sam’s swim lesson and meet them about 11 and hang out until around 1. At 2 we have the second of our adoption inspection visits by our social worker. At 5, we all have flu shots scheduled and at 7 we have an information session at Kamryn’s preschool (and Sam’s future preschool). Gonna be a VERY long and arduous day.

I’m a little worried about the name thing. I know they were all very angry. He’s adjusted so well and I don’t want them screwing it all up. Nevertheless, I have to remember he is my son and if I don’t like how they are behaving around him I can pack him up and take him home. This is MUCH more stressful than Nana’s visit was.