The life of a suit.

So I own this suit. It consists of a chocolate brown pencil skirt and a brown short cropped double breasted jacket with a black velvet collar. It could be described as figure hugging. It’s an old suit. I wore it when Daniel, unexpectedly, proposed in 1997. It was a new suit then (maybe the first time I wore it?) It’s a size 14. That’s the size I wore when I got married. I thought I was happy that size. I thought I looked good. At some point in 1998 the suit got too tight and I stopped wearing it. At some point in 1998 I got frustrated with my size and I joined Weight Watchers. At 5’9” I weighed 197 pounds (I was horrifed!). I lost just over 50 pounds in about 9 months. I dropped from a size 16 (I didn’t own any clothes that were size 16 but I should have) to a size 6. I don’t look good as a size 6 – I look like a heron crane, a sick heron crane. You know how people tell you they are big-boned. Well I am. I wear a 9.5 size glove for instance. I purposefully gained 5 pounds or so and was a comfortable size 8 at about 155 pounds. I had to buy an entirely new wardrobe. I had all my clothes tailored – including the suit. It’s still a size 14 but it has been tailored to fit a size 8 me.

So I kept the weight off for a good while (more than 5 years) but slowly my old habits reasserted themselves and slowly (and then quickly) I gained the weight back. The suit didn’t fit anymore. I hung it in the closet and the velvet collar got dusty. I didn’t give it away like I’d proudly done with many of my “fat” clothes. It mocked me whenever I went into the closet. I didn’t think I would ever wear it again. I cursed myself for getting it tailored. It hung in my closet untouched for 5 years.

This summer when I started dieting I tried it on – ugh! I looked at the little tag that now erroneously read size 14 and shook my head. I couldn’t pull the skit on over my hips. This is AFTER I’d lost at least ten pounds. I wasn’t too upset. I had decided when I started to diet that I wasn’t going back in time… that I was 42… that I didn’t particularly hate my body… that I was fine with being a size 12. I wanted to be a real size 12 though not a size 14 wearing size 12 clothes. That decision meant that all my skinny clothes would likely never be worn again. I was shocked at the quantity of size 8 clothes I had. I began to think about getting rid of them. They were clothes that I couldn’t even put on much less wrestle closed. The suit I thought I would save for nostalgic reasons – like my wedding dress…

Losing weight is funny. I’ve probably lost 25 – 30 pounds. Maybe more (I don’t know what I was when I started). 10 pounds is supposed to represent a size. My measuring stick has been my clothes. First the size 12s started fitting properly. That phase lasted a LONG time. Then they started getting a little loose – again a long time. Then over night NOTHING I own fit anymore. Literally overnight. They fit on Friday and on Saturday I couldn’t cinch my belt any tighter and my pants were still falling off (a little annoying that). I didn’t mean to lose this much. I said I would stop before I got here but I was kind of surprised so it’s not really my fault. My skinny clothes still don’t quite fit but I can wear them (most of them). My “fat” clothes look ridiculous on me. I don’t have anything to wear. I don’t want to shop (well I do but I don’t have any money). I’m now a little addicted to losing. I said I would stop at 169 (my Weight Watchers goal weight) but I passed that on the weekend and 160 looks so close and so easy (at 30, 160 was a good weight for me) so maybe…

It’s time to think about stopping though because today I wore the suit. It fits again – perfectly. It makes me feel skinny.