Man plans and God laughs

So I’m sitting in our basement office. I have a half drunk (fully caffinated!) Starbucks Café Mocha at my side at my side. I’m wearing rumpled clothes that I collected off the end of my bed (my room is actually clean I just had on set of somewhat used but still useable clothes dumped at the foot of the bed – I don’t know why it’s important you know this). My hair is combed but still somewhat bed heady. I’m feeling kind of unkempt which is a big deal for me; I’m normally too uptight to unkempt. I drove the kids to school and stopped off on the way back for a Starbucks. Now I’m hiding in the basement. Working from home – doing actual work too. It feels kind good.

It hasn’t been a good week at all.

Had my Easter long weekend all planned. I’m a planner. I like to plan. Makes me feel happy. Friday I was going to sleep late and then clean the house from top to bottom til it sparkled. Around noon I would pop down the road to visit my aunt at the retirement residence. Quick visit and then home to enjoy the weather. Since the weather was supposed to be beyond gorgeous we were going to sin like Babylonians and have hamburgers for dinner (not supposed to eat meat on Good Friday). I had Daniel buy extra foodstuffs so I could casually ask the neighbours to join us (since they are ALWAYS doing that to us and I never have the opportunity to return the favour. I’m not much for spontaneity. In this instance I planned to be spontaneous). Saturday, pick up a few last things for Easter dinner on Sunday and to get Easter baskets ready for the kids. Sunday a sumptious Easter feast. A relaxing day. Monday the kids and I would pop out to watch some of the other Novice hockey teams in the semi-finals. There a perfect weekend. Man plans …

Thursday afternoon I got a call from my mother – they were taking my aunt to the hospital; she would call when she knew more. I wasn’t surprised. I had commented earlier in the week that since she wasn’t eating (she’d had a second bout of gastro-enteritis) she needed to be in the hospital so they could feed and hydrate her. Just after dinner she called to say that my aunt had a bladder infection that – untreated – had spread to her bloodstream. She had septicemia. Her kidneys were shutting down and they didn’t hold out much hope. Could I come. Off to the hospital I went. Aunty knew me when I arrived – that means a lot. By midnight when she finally got a room she was slipping into a coma that she wouldn’t come out of. She was so very cold. I didn’t think she would last until morning.

On Friday morning they withdrew all drugs. Removed her IVs. Stopped checking her vitals. We sat and waited for her to pass. All day Friday. I left the hospital at midnight. I expected a phone call in the middle of the night telling me it was over. Not my aunt. She was a strong woman. She made it through Saturday and then Sunday.

I hosted a subdued Easter for the family. My parents left my Aunt’s side to join us for a meal (my Dad REALLY needed that I think) and then returned to the hospital (after three days of virtually no change they knew they could leave for a bit). They got back to the hospital at around 9:30; Aunty passed just before 1 am on Monday morning.

It’s an awful thing literally watching someone die. It’s affected me profoundly. I don’t think I realized how much my Aunt’s passing would affect me. She was so strong; so active. I never expected her to be gone so quickly (it’s been 6 months since her stroke and I haven’t really even processed that yet). The last conversation I had with her was about how difficult this was and that I knew it was hard and I was sorry. I know her passing was for the better but that doesn’t make it any easier.

Daniel left early Monday morning for his friend Grant’s funeral in Winnipeg. The funeral was yesterday. He’ll be back sometime tomorrow. I’m kind of trapped here alone because someone needs to watch the kids. Monday was a very odd day. At dinner I brought the kids and all the leftover Easter food (in a prelude to the food avalanche that was yesterday when ALL their friends delivered food) to my parents house so that everyone (Aunts and cousins that were hanging about) could eat.

Yesterday I went to work in a fog and left early. I came home and helped write the obit and the eulogy. Then there was the mechanics of taking care of the kids – who I’ve sorely neglected. Maya had a school project to do today that I helped her through last night but poor Dominic had to remind me that they needed dinner. They happily munched on sandwiches made from leftover ham and leftover crudites but it seemed like a rather pathetic offering to me. I have some leftover lamb for them tonight – a hot meal at least. Thank heavens for my family inherited habit of cooking too much food for holidays.

Today I thought better of going into work. Thus the rumpled clothes and the attempt to find comfort in my empty home. It’s raining today. I like rainy days at home.

So I’m going to finish off a speech I need to have off to my subject matter experts for vetting by noon and then I think I might try to put the house in some kind of order. I also have to get a hold of my brother (who can’t be here through no fault of his own) who is worried about how Dad is handling all this (not well) and assure him that I’m paying attention and trying my best here.

Sigh.