No use trying to be inconspicuous

Okay so I'm writing the posts. Just not getting them up. From last week:

So we went to Church this weekend. We haven’t been in a LONG time. Probably since the summer and then not to our “normal” church but to the one a few blocks from home. We technically belong to two parishes, an English one and a French one. The French one is an easy walk from home but I don’t like it. The church itself is dark and uninviting and has a barn/storage shed like feel to it. The community seems uninvolved and annoyed. The moment mass is over they bolt from their seats like their hair is on fire. The priest doesn’t even have a chance to get off the altar. So we don’t go often. When we went regularly (pre-Sam we went every week). We went to the Church where I grew up (technically – the parish since the Church is only 8 years old). We were married their. Both kids were baptized we feel like it’s our parish.

We haven’t been going regularly for a while. Sam is more than a pain in Church. He’s an exhausting handful and a half. He’s embarrassing. He makes church “not fun.” If Daniel can’t come with me (because he is working) I don’t go. Lately he’s worked a lot of weekends. When he’s not working, often we’re just not up to it. But this weekend was thanksgiving so it was important to me that we made the effort.

We made special plans on Sunday to make sure to attend the Children’s mass so that Kamryn could go to the Children’s liturgy. They take all the elementary school aged children in a back room and they have the readings and gospel on a kid level. Kamryn had never participated before but I thought she might enjoy it now that she’s old enough. When the time came for the children to go up, she didn’t want to go. She was getting all whiney and clingy so I told her I would go up with her. When she got to the top of the aisle and saw all the other children she willingly went on her own. There had to have been twenty children standing in front of the altar all of them a good foot taller than Kamryn (she looked SO tiny!) when she got there. Then the priest (who Kamryn worships in a super hero sort of way) started asking who wanted to carry “the book” and lead the other children out. All the other children have there arms in the air waving madly à la Horshack. Kamryn is standing in the back looking small. I am way at the back of the Church watching like a mother hen and happy that there is no way she will be noticed for this task. The priest is miked and I hear him say “Kamryn would you like to carry the book.” I see the nod and she goes forward. Yikes! I know stuff the priest probably doesn’t.

1) Kamryn has never participated before so she has no idea what is happening.
2) Kamryn has no idea where to go with the book.
3) Kamryn is clueless.

So he gives her the book and shows her that she must hold it over her head. She stands there with the book over her head motionless. He tells her she must turn around. She stands there staring him, motionless. He physically turns her around. He tells her she should go forward to that the other kids can follow her. She stands there looking a little crazed with a grin plastered on her face – motionless. He tell the kids to open up a path to let Kamryn through. Thank the Lord. Now she can see (as can all the other parishioners) her crazy Mother standing at the back of the Church frantically gesturing for her to walk forward. Ah we have lift-off and Kamryn successfully leads all the other children out of the Worship Hall and back to the sacristy for what every secret rites they perform. ;) Exit stage left beamingly proud mother. No worries, Sam was able to bring me back to humiliating reality in a few short seconds. It was almost like we had brought monkey high on amphetamines to Church with us – a VERY noisy monkey. A very noisy monkey that would die if it stopped moving for even a millisecond and knew it. Ahhhh…. Children….. :)