Good Adoption Stuff and Bad Adoption Stuff

Sam got an extra special birthday present on his birthday (technically it was on my birthday but we didn’t find out until his). His adoption was finalized. The paperwork arrived on his birthday. We didn’t get the mail until rather late (8 pm) and were not really expecting that so it was a welcome surprise. It might make our trip to the Texas this summer a little easier because I might be able to get him a passport before we go.

It is so odd to be done with adoption, at least the legal end of things. We paid our last adoption bill earlier this month – the cash just came out of our bank account yesterday – so that’s done! The lawyers are done. The social workers are done. After 5 years we are done! I took both kids adoption decrees out and just stared at them. The same judge signed both of them. Sam’s says we were there in court (which we weren’t). On Kamryn’s they appropriately left that spot blank. Kamryn’s is on nicer paper. Sam’s has a nicer seal but apart from that they are essentially identical. We NEED to get a safety deposit box and soon. Have to put this paperwork somewhere safe as our copies are the only copies that will ever exist. If something happens to them the kids are out of luck. I feel very responsible for these flimsy legal forms. We online bank so I’m not sure it’s going to be all that easy to get a safety deposit box but I will have to investigate nonetheless. The other option that we are considering is a real safe. We have a lockbox (hidden) at home but it’s not fire proof and that’s what a really worry about.

Kamryn asked me the first of the hard/heartbreaking questions to come this weekend. Sam’s grandmother called (as she does quite regularly) and after getting of the phone with her Kamryn wanted to know who “Nana” was. When I told her she was Sam’s birth grandmother she wanted to know why she didn’t have one. Well she does… sigh… but they wanted no contact. We don’t even have real direct contact with her birthmother as all exchanges are done by e-mail. Her birthfather calls occasionally but since he moved to Africa he has only called once. We’ve had almost no contact with him since. They are good about sending pictures and gifts and cards etc. They aren’t so good about actual contact (well D* has no real choice considering he lives an ocean away; before he used to visit irregularly). This wasn’t a big deal to an infant or a toddler who had no idea what was going on. It’s going to be a big deal as the kids get older. It’s what I always worried about when we were adopting again as I knew that different kids would necessarily have varying relationships with their birth families.

I expect Nana will visit twice a year (frustrating as it is to arrange those visits; she was supposed to come for Sam birthday and cancelled at the last minute). I suspect that Sam’s birthmother may visit sometime in the future (hopefully distant, for many reasons) but she will certainly speak with him on the phone once he is really talking. I don’t think Kamryn’s birthmother can/could handle that. I’m hoping she gets stronger as the years go on. I don’t want to pressure her or guilt her into anything but my priority in life is Kamryn and her happiness. If the questions keep coming I will have to let her birthmother in on the pressure we are under. For now, I try to respect her privacy. Regardless, every time she visits the province I feel a little pang that she hasn’t come to visit us.

On other news I continue to be FURIOUS at Sam’s birthmother’s stepdad and sister. I mentioned way back when (I think) that they had their noses out of joint because we wouldn’t give them our address at Christmas. At that point they “wrote Sam off” (how do you write a 2 year old you claim to love out of your life). So for Mother’s Day we sent a DVD of Sam off to his birthmother. She was very happy to receive it and wanted to share it with someone – who better than her family. They refused to watch it with her and told her that he was out of their lives. Good grief people, grow up a little! Sam’s birthmother isn’t a normal intelligence; she’s brain injured and she’s an addict (I can’t even say recovering because I’m not sure she is). She needs support; family support most of all. This adoption was VERY hard on her. How can people hold love hostage. Sigh.

Okay I started on such a happy note and then things got rather dark didn’t they. Yikes. Didn’t mean for that to happen so back to happy thoughts at MY two kids and a good future for both of them.