The One in Which Sibling Rivalry Final Rears Its Ugly Head

First off, I'd like to welcome all the friends who have followed me here. I am flattered by your friendship and loyalty and so glad you made the effort. A blog doesn't have much purpose unless it has readers and I admit to not knowing whether I would have any or not. I'm a tough person to befriend. I have ridiculously high standards (I'm the first to admit it) and I don't pull punches. I do so much value good friends though. So thank you.

Okay onto my belly-aching. lol

Sigh. Been one of those morning. We’ve had a lot of them in the last 4 months since Sam came home but this one is definitely unique although we should have seen it coming as the tremors have been increasing in strength over the last week or so. This morning’s (or actually afternoon’s) earthquake was a good 8.2 on the richter scale.

Some background although not a lot because most of the people reading this I expect know our background pretty well. Kamryn was a domestic infant adoption (I will post her story – copied from elsewhere – at some point in the near future). I held her, hell I breastfed her, within 15 hours of her entering this world. Sam was a much different story. He was a domestic toddler adoption. After a nightmare of red tape and false starts he came home on June 6th of this year. He was 2 weeks past his 1st birthday. It’s a VERY rough age to adopt a child at. They are way young to understand what is happening in their lives. It is impossible to explain it to them yet they are extremely aware that their universe has been completely upended. Sam has taken it, from what we have been told, extremely well. It has been pretty rough on both ends though. We knew it would be going in but there is a marked difference between reading about something in a book and having a living and breathing being throwing things at you and screaming his head off in your kitchen.

I’m not looking for sympathy at all but I must have heard a gazillion times in the last 4 months: “how is Sam doing?” No one has asked how we are doing. It’s exhausting and it’s hard and many a time I’ve thought we made a mistake. Life was so simple when it was just the three of us. Kamryn was at an age where she was getting more and more independent. We were settled and secure. It was easy. One kid is easy. Then we went and shook the boat. I wonder if it would have been easier had we adopted another newborn. I’m almost certain it would have been. Easier on all three of us. We have Sam though and we wouldn’t trade him for anything. I told Daniel the other day driving home from somewhere or another that I finally understood what people say about an inability to love different children equally. The love itself is of the same intensity but you love them both differently. It’s hard to explain but it’s just different not less or more but different.

Sam is an extremely stubborn little boy who hasn’t a patient bone in his body and likes to cry, shriek, yell at the top of his voice to get whatever he wants. We don’t know it that’s just how he is (all his paperwork talks about what a bubbly kid he is/was and how he seldom cries); if it’s something been yanked from all that was familiar to him has done; or if he was simply spoiled rotten before coming to us. Things we will never know. He threw his first tantrum the first day he came home. We had some canned pop and didn’t share it with him. They have grown more intense and violent since although I think they may have decreased in frequency). He can scream for 45 minutes solid if you don’t give him what he wants immediately (and of course we don’t). How do you bond with a little boy that works so hard to repulse you. It was exhausting for all of us and had me in tears more than once. Alternatively he can be so sweet. He is very free with kisses and hugs. When you put him in his crib at night, if he is still awake and not mad about some perceived offence he will turn to you as you leave the room, give a little smile and say “buh bye.” It the nicest way to end a rough day. That’s how you bond, and we’re getting there. He is attaching (maybe a little to much to me even, I’m smothering a little and I think Daniel is a little jealous) and we are bonding.

The bond with Kamryn on the other had was/is/has been instantaneous. The two were inseparable almost from the first day they met (the day before his 1st birthday). When people would ask how they were doing as siblings I would quip, “well… the can’t bear to be apart and they try to kill each other when they are together.” It was very true.

Me (getting dressed in the other room): Kamryn why is Sam crying?
Kamryn (“playing” with Sam is his room): Because I’m sitting on him.

There were some fits of jealousy from Kamryn (i.e. carrying around a particular toy all day so Sam couldn’t have it, the sitting incident, a day where she took to biting him repeatedly) but nothing that we couldn’t deal with. She did so very well and we were so proud of her. There was also some evidence that the stress of the whole situation was getting to her too. We took special effort to spend time with her and have he get things off her chest and burn off nervous energy. We were extra understanding when she was being a pain etc. She seemed to adjust well. She potty trained both night and day over this time even. We thought we had cleared the biggest hurdles.

Today has been horrendous. The past few days she has been using baby-talk in a most annoying manner. We have ignored it, as it seemed an overt attempt for extra attention. Today the floodgates just burst. It’s like having 16 month old twins. She is asking for things in the demanding, I-only-know-3-words-and-must-cry-a lot manner of her little brother. We have huge problems getting Sam to eat so Kamryn was mimicking that. When she got on my last nerve and I sent her up for her nap without having the opportunity to finish the lunch that she was intent on not eating anyways, what a tantrum that invoked. She hated her “new” room (she’s been in it since April, 2 months before Sam came home). She hated her “new” bed. She wanted her old bed back etc. etc. etc. A yelling, screaming, shouting, fit that went on endlessly. Nothing was as she wanted. Nothing was enough. Thank the Lord Daniel is home and I didn’t have to deal all on my own (to make matters worse I have an injured right elbow and was just to the doctors this morning and have instructions to rest it as much as possible. Impossible to rest anything while fighting with a tantruming 33 lb, 3-year old).

I put Sam down for his nap and Daniel took Kamryn out of a walk and to work in the garden. She should be napping but she probably needs this more. Ugh! The joys of two kids.

I was thinking the other day that I might be happier had we stayed an only child family and almost as part of the same thought I knew that I wouldn’t have been. Hard as the adjustment has been the reasons I wanted a second child are all being fulfilled. He brings such joy to all of us. When Kamryn isn’t busy torturing him they play so wonderfully well together. The dynamic of our family has changed mostly for the better. I look forward to his growing up a little more so that we can more easily engage in family activities but we are getting there. I am enjoying watching that transformation take place in his little body. This morning he was totally distressed because he pulled off his sock and couldn’t put it back on. I’m so overjoyed with my two children and I guess if I can be happy I need to accept that there are two sides to every coin and it’s all right not to be happy all the time.

Having just written that I guess Kamryn’s awful morning is completely justified as well (I just glanced into the backyard and she is having a wonderful time playing in the garden :)).

I’m going to have a cup of tea and some Oreos and watch a little TV.