I am SUCH a moron

I get mid-cycle pain, crippling mid-cycle pain. Well I have finally convinced my doctor to do something more proactive about it (rather than just prescribing stronger and stronger anti-inflamatories; I think we have maxed out her options there as it is) and have a whole bunch of tests and appointments with specialists set up in the coming weeks.

Still in the back of my "reverse-hypochondriac" mind (there are regular hypochndriac tendancies there as well) I keep asking myself if its all in my head. It's because I can be bent over in pain one minute and then half an hour later dealing with a dull ache that is easy to ignore. When the pain is gone I always ask myself if it's really as bad as I thought it was.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for Thursday. My doctor told me to schedule it for a time when I am actually in pain. Now you have to schedule the ultrasounds 3 weeks to a month in advance. As this pain is related to ovulation and I'm as regular as clockwork I thought I was being smart and pretty much nailed when the pain would arrive again (it was due yesterday or today). So yesterday I was feeling pretty good. The questions started flowing right and left. I even voiced my doubt to Daniel who suffers right along with me cause I don't sleep when dealing with this so neither does he. Right before I went to bed I felt a twinge or two but nothing that I would EVER think to call a doctor about. Doubt set in. I started thinking what if it doesn't start hurting? What if there is nothing wrong and I'm just wasting everyone's time and money? What if I making a fool of myself? What if the ultrasound shows nothing. I'm actually somewhat certain it won't show anything as this is my third ultrasound for the same complaint but still it bothers me.

Anyway, so here I was hoping and praying that the pain would kick in the way it was expected to. This afternoon I got my wish. It arrived and it brought along friends! What was I thinking - hoping to be ill? A normal, sane, and intelligent person would be sitting and hoping that by some miracle of miracles she would be spontaneously cured. Not I. Fool that I am. I'm being sorely punished for my stupidity. At least the ultrasound on Thursday won't be a waste of time.

You'd think that since I had reproductive organs that are essentially useless that they would have the courtesy to lie there quietly and bug me as little as possible. Nope they have to remind me monthly that they are there pretending to do what they are supposed to be doing. Evil things!