It was sooooooooooo much harder than I thought it would be. I think my heart is broken.
I was so excited for her right up until about 5:00 pm last night and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. She was going out into the world without me and she would be just fine (at least I keep telling myself that).
On the way home from work last night, as I cut across the mall to my car I had a small panic attack over the fact that we had chosen not to buy her a fleece as part of her uniform. They didn’t have one her size for us to sample when we were buying uniforms so we figured we would just wait until the fall order. I never thought we would have such a cold September.
It was a good place to panic over that though because there was a Children’s Place right there and I popped in and bought her a nice thick cable knit sweater that looks good with her uniform. I don’t think they are allowed to wear “no uniform” apparel inside the school but I think it would take a really heartless teacher to let a four year old sit there and freeze (I think it’s probably warm inside the school anyways). Anyway so she has the sweater.
Last night I made her try on her entire uniform (for the gazzillionth time) just to make sure it was set for this morning. (I went though a similar routine with Sam who started preschool today but I was less anxious).
Last night around 9:30 and long after I had tucked Kamryn away in bed she came wandering downstairs, blanket in hand and a little sobby/sniffly to tell me she wanted to go to [her school]. I expect she had had a dream — as excited and anxious as she was. I don’t think she slept at all well last night. Excitement, anticipation, nerves and the beginnings of a cold did nothing to help her. I actually had to wake her this morning which is almost unheard of.
She did tell me she wasn’t feeling particularly well and didn’t eat all that wonderfully at breakfast. I took her temperature and luckily it was normal. I think the cold was getting to her but so were nerves. Poor kid. Regardless, we managed to get dressed, snap a bunch of photos and get out of the house somewhat on time.
Got to the school and her teacher was outside waiting for her surrounded by a cluster of 4 year olds, most of whom looked a great deal happier than Kamryn to be there (although going through my pictures this afternoon I see that she was pretty typical). She wasn’t sad per se but much more nervous than I expected her to be. More pictures and then lots of hanging around then they did a train to go into the school.
I made her a Sunbutter sandwich, with a Nutrigrain bar and raisins for lunch and an apple for a snack. She did feel it necessary to describe this in intimate detail to her teacher. :) She has a little surprise as I slipped chocolate milk in her lunch bag without her knowing. She really loves chocolate milk.
I had a hard time not crying when leaving her at the school (totally unlike me!). Hell, I’m having a hard time not crying just writing about it. There has been much blinking this morning and looking down. Now I’m not trying to be tough and suck it up. I just didn’t want to have to explain to Daniel why I was in tears and well… crying at work would be bad. Lol
After dropping Kamryn at school, just to make matters a little worse, we had to drop Sam off for his first day at pre-school. He’s done summer camp so it doesn’t feel so “first dayish” but really it is his first day too and he shouldn’t be jipped. Summer camp and preschool follow somewhat different routines and he’s all by himself without his big sis to look out for him. So that made me all teary as well. All in all – good morning for the kids, not to good morning for Mom.
I have pictures though...
Before leaving the house:
Arriving at the school:
Off to class:
