Perspective

Got home from work on Friday and plunked down on the living room couch to listen to Kamryn practice her piano. Noticed that there was a message on the answering machine. There were actually two – a half message from my mother that made no sense whatsoever (not unusual) and a message from a very close friend in Winnipeg asking that Daniel call her using her husband’s cell phone number. Odd I thought.

It made me a little nervous that she was calling. Daniel and her husband have been friends since they were teenagers, she, like me, doesn’t make the “catch up” phone-calls. If it was something casual the call would come from Grant. Something was wrong. I suggested maybe Grant's dad had passed away. Daniel looked at me like I was brain addled and pointed out that his Dad had died several years ago (I vaguely remembered that). Ooops. Daniel mentioned that Grant had had some health problems of his own lately – irregular heart beat etc. and I remarked that I guess it was time he lost a little weight and started taking better care of himself. NOTHING seemed all that serious.

As the kids and I sat down to dinner, Daniel returned the phone call. He didn’t come into the kitchen when the call was over. My stomach twisted a little. When he did come back in, I casually asked what was up and he replied that Grant was dying. In response to my total confusion Daniel told me Grant had had surgery for a brain tumour discovered after he complained a few weeks ago of sinusitis and that either during the surgery or immediately following he had a stroke and was brain dead. They were waiting for confirmation so that they could donate his organs. Sadly, that confirmation came on Saturday. Grant, an enormous man (he was at least 6'5")with the kindest heart imaginable, was 46. His kids who were the sun and the moon to him are 9 and 13. I can’t get my mind around the fact that he’s gone… at 46… from what two weeks ago he thought was a stubborn case of sinusitis. It doesn’t make sense.

Daniel is a mess. He’s a pretty emotional guy in the first place and his friends are VERY important to him. He doesn’t have many but those he has he’s generally had for LONG time. They have deep history together. He always tells the story about how he met Grant as something that was ordained – he claims he had a dream about it before it happened. Daniel is extremely loyal and so easy to take advantage of because of that. I’m pissed at most of these friends he’s had forever because I’ve seen how they take advantage of him and Daniel never does. Grant never did. He always bent over backwards for him. He was the best of Daniel’s friends in so many ways. It’s so unfair.

I’ve been where Daniel is – losing my bestest of best friends when I was 17. Still I don’t know what to do for him – save keeping the kids from bothering him. I don’t know what helped me – being left alone was what I really wanted at the time but I was a 17 year old girl so pretty much what you’d expect. I also had an enemy to fight which helped a lot as my girlfriend Tammy was killed on a sunny Wednesday afternoon by a drunk driver. My other friends and I threw ourselves into a huge campaign against drunk driving. It helped to have something to focus on. Still, over 20 years later and I had to wipe away a tear remembering.

I’ve provided what logistical support I could – finding a plane ticket was a bear! The memorial is the Tuesday after Easter – there are no airmiles flights available and purchased flights are astronomically expensive. It was a financial hit we didn’t have room to take but its not as if we had a choice. I wanted to go with him but once we saw we had to pay for tickets that decision was taken away from us. Scatter-brained and stressed as I am I managed to book him a ticket this morning but put the ticket in my own name (hopefully the airline is remedying that situation – I called them).

Sigh.

Hug your loved ones and spare a thought or a prayer for “the Boy” (as Daniel referred to him all Friday night as he called each and every one of his friends to share the news) and his family.