Instant Award

So I won a workplace award. When I first got the e-mail informing me of the fact I thought it was a bit of a joke. The award is called an “Instant Award.” Sounds hokey, no?

Here’s what the website says:

iBoutique is the exciting, new instant recognition program from the Government of Canada. It offers a terrific selection of gift items that celebrates you the recipient…

Your dedication rises above the ordinary and has not gone unnoticed. This selection of gifts is our way of saying thanks and acknowledges our praise and respect for you…

Congratulations, we hope you will enjoy your gift and the sincere appreciation behind its giving.

Okay – yay me. I received my award – along with my team and a host of other people working in our division for work we did on something called “Committee of the Whole.” Let’s just say Committee of the Whole ruined May for me. I’ve also supposedly been recognized for running my little team for the last little while. Everyone received an award at the i3 level. Mine was i6 (there are 8 levels) I’m not sure if that’s because I’m being recognized for doing more on Committee of the Whole or just more in general. Dunno.

I don’t know what to pick. The prizes are weird. Luggage is leading the way right now but I'm not all that certain we need luggage. I can pick anything from any of the categories up to i6 but feel that I might be cheating myself somewhat to pick something from a lesser category.

Not my lifestyle

So I started the South Beach diet 8 days ago ostensibly to support my mother whose doctor instructed her to cut her carbs in light of some health problems. My mother bless her heart “cut her carbs” by going out and buying a ton of fruit. Sigh. So, I bought her the South Beach Diet book (so she would be informed) and told her I would do it with her. I’m doing it alone.

She’s not about to give up carbs – really. She’s still eating white rice and potatoes. We went out for dinner on Sunday and while I had some sort of salad with grilled chicken, beans and cheddar cheese, my mother had steak, prawns and French fries. I wasn’t perfect – I had a SMALL desert (called a bite of brownie – literally half a white chocolate brownie with two tablespoons of ice cream) – my only cheat all week. My mother had a berry and apple crisp. But Mom is stubborn and can’t be pushed or reasoned with. I’ve watched her diet my entire life. She has the discipline of a drunken marine. What I learned from her – a good lesson – was not to diet.

I’m not thin. I generally haven’t been fat either. I did Weight Watchers over ten years ago (wow!); lost 50 lbs and have allowed it to slowly creep back over the last 7 years or so - never actually regaining it all. Lately though I think (I don’t know since I won’t step on a scale) I’ve been getting close. And while I’m comfortable at a size 12 (really I am – I’m 5’9” for heaven sakes); I’m not ready to start buying size 14s (at my heaviest size 14s were tight). There was this roll at my belly that REALLY bothered me. So I thought I could kill two birds with this stone – help my mother; kick start some of my own weight loss.

Everyone complains about how hard it is to lose weight after 40. Well at 42, I can still guffaw at that statement. Perhaps things will change in a year or two but I think I’m advantaged by not having spent my adulthood on a diet. I’m also advantaged by the fact that I thrived on carbs by taking them out of my diet there is practically nothing left. The weight is coming off. But here’s the stupid thing – I didn’t weigh myself before starting (this was about Mom not me – ya right!) so I have no idea how much weight has come off. I do know that the skirts that were getting embarrassingly tight on me fit nicely again. I know that the cute jean capris that I put away last summer because the waist band threatened to cut me in two now fits as well. Sadly the really nice blouse I bought two weeks ago is now too big. So the weight is coming off. Maybe 5 pounds? Maybe more? According to the book I’m supposed to lose between 8 and 13 pounds the first two weeks. I’m generally a slow loser so I expected to lose 8. I intended to stop at the end of the two weeks because I didn’t really believe that this diet was sustainable or smart but now I may be hooked – on losing.

The nice thing about losing weight is getting back into clothes you never thought you’d wear again. I’m really enjoying that and its especially easy because I really wasn’t all that far out of my clothes. So I’m liking that. I like that the roll has shrunk to what I deem acceptable (with the right support it’s gone entirely!) I like the discipline of the diet. I’m good with discipline.

But I HATE this diet.

Right now what I’d like most in life is a latté and a muffin (and I don’t even like muffins). I miss crackers with my cheese. I miss cereal. I miss toast. I crave potatoes. I want to have a chocolate bar. I can’t see accepting low-carb as a realistic lifestyle choice and that means that this weight loss is unsustainable. Which is very sad because I really like how my clothes fit today.

Weight Watchers works so much better because I never felt deprived. I may have been hungry sometimes but I could ignore that and if I wanted a chocolate bar I could have it. On the other hand, the freedom in the end was my downfall. I never journalled properly which makes it so very easy to cheat. So I guess I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to go back to points and all that hassle but I'm not good with not eating anything good. So I'm just whiney.

Before the week is out I will have a solution. I'm hoping that the freedom to add some carbs back into my diet will help but I'm not terribly optimistic.

More musing about my allergies

This morning Kamryn came into my bathroom carrying a stuffed bat. She informed me that Cédric (the bat) is allergic to eggs and peanuts and that he has an Epi pen like mine only it's black (like him). Right.

I'm guessing my little incident on Sunday night has affected more than just me.

I did get out my Epi pen on Sunday night and admit to being a little scared that I might really need it. That's never happened before (neither needing it or being scared during an allergic response). It's changed my whole outlook on my allergies. I've really never worried about them much. I'm allergic to A LOT of things and in many ways this has defined me but they haven't been anything more than a nuissance. My mother and my husband well they get all excited but me, well I've been entirely to casual about things.

I only have an Epi pen because a Respirologist I was sent to see once begged me (most literally) to carry one. I've always seen them as a grand waste of money (they are pricey). The reason mine was expired is the Respirologist told me that if I was concerned with cost that letting them be a little expired (no more than 6 months) was fine; he probably would have frowned on two years. I have two Epi pens. On Sunday night I only knew where one was: in the corner of my bedroom, in the satchel I used to carry to work but haven't used in over 6 months, under an extra comforter, a duvet and a pile of pillows that I really need to store away properly. To my credit I was surprised that it was as expired as it was.

I've taken getting a new one as a priority but I'm still waiting on my doctor's office and the pharmacy to get their act together. I'm now uncomfortable not having one.

I'm also a little sad. I was excited at the possibilities opened to me with the false revellation that I had outgrown this allergy. I'm angry with the allergist. I had accepted my limitations. I didn't particularly miss this part of my culinary life and then my world was opened. The restaurants that I was going to visit (I REALLY wanted to try fish and chips - okay not exciting but they look so good). The recipies I was going to try. The freedom that I didn't know I didn't have. Now I miss it.

I miss it and my daughter's stuffed bat has an Epi pen. What did I say the other day? Sucks!

Doh!

Ever so often I reach saturation with work. I'm there now. I really need a day off and thought I might squeeze in a long weekend. Then today I discovered that while toiling in the seventh circle of hell last month I managed to miss not one but two important taskings. I got the e-mails. I read them and then promptly blocked them from my mind. As no one else in the section was aware of the e-mails, there was no one to remind me that contrary to popular belief we were still horrendously busy.

Bless my director's heart for saying nothing when I relayed this information to him.

July is coming. All hail July!

Well... SUCKS!

That's what Kamryn would say.

Last night we had breaded Tilapia for dinner. I admit I'm very frustrated by Sam's comments about seafood. We went out to dinner with his biological grandmother the other day and she made a (immature!) comment about not like the smell of seafood. Actually her boyfriend apologized for ordering seafood and she explained the reason for his apology. Sam - his ears wide open - decided that he too didn't like the smell of seafood and, in the way only a six-year-old can, keeps going on about it. It's annoying especially because I'm pretty certain he has no idea what it smells like.

Anyway, I threw an adult tantrum on Saturday and decreed that we would start have seafood for dinner once a week whether they liked it or not.

Since my visit with the alergist in April I have been equally excited at terrified about the prospect of eating fish. I'm completely ignorant. I don't know whether I like fish (I think probably not). I don't know how to prepare it. I don't know how to eat it (de-boning etc.) I've been rolling it around in my head for the last month. I had one small bite at the beginning of May and that's been it.

I decided that we would start with breaded Tiliapia. I'd heard it was a mild fish and pretty non-offensive and the bonus was I didn't have to prepare it. So we got a bag of frozen filets and some tartar sauce and I prepared to be initiated.

It didn't go well. Daniel doesn't like Tiliapia (too mild/tasteless) and he hates "fish sticks" but he acquieced as part of the experiment. The kids predictably hated it and had to be cajoled/ordered/forced to eat it. Me? I had three (maybe four) bites before I started to feel wierd. Actually after the first bite I started to feel wierd but I worked very hard to convince myself I was imagining things. Unfortunately I was not. I stopped eating but definitely not in time.

I immediately rustled up my Epi-pen (which I discovered expired in 2008) and took the maximum dosage of Benedryl. The funny feeling (tightness in my throat and slight swelling of my lower lip) subsided but my stomach was decidedly unhappy. I had a bowl of cereal and a glass of pepsi - mistake number 2 and 3.

After "dinner" I sat on the couch reading to Kamryn until it became apparent that I needed to stop and return my dinner to the earth from which it came - twice. Lordy did my stomach feel awful and no one told it that it was supposed to feel better after I'd been sick. But now I have no idea how much benedryl actually got into my system. Three hours had passed since I took the dosage. The inside of my ears (seriously) were itching like crazy (although I was working very hard once more to convince myself it was my imagination - like really who gets hives in their ear canals?). Hives started to appear on the oddest and difficult to scratch places - normal places too! I decided that it was okay to OD on the Benedryl as I had probably lost most of the dose I took earlier.

Mercifully, when you OD on benedryl, sleep comes quickly. When I woke this morning I was fine although my stomach still feels a little off.

I have NEVER gotten sick to my stomach before with an allergy. Then again I've never boldly eaten something that I knew I was allergic to. I also feel that getting sick and getting hives at the same time is unfair - there ought to be a biological rule making this impossible. I did contemplate asking Daniel to take me to the hospital at one point but (despite some tighness in my throat) my breathing was all right. Having been to the hospital under similar circumstances in the past I knew they couldn't do anything more for me that I wasn't already doing. Benedryl and wait it out. I can't imagine how bad things would have gotten if I didn't get sick. And I'm really relieved I didn't have to use the expired Epi-pen.

What a night! I've learned my lesson. No more seafood for me.

The good that came out of it? Since the doctor told me that I wasn't allergic to seafood a few months back I've felt a little like a hypochondriac. How long haven't I been allergic? How many times have I told people that I couldn't eat seafood when I had no basis in fact? Did I ever really have an allergy or was it all in my mind - I REMEMBER the reactions from my childhood but maybe they were exagerated. I feel a little vindicated now. But I could have done without that vindication.

My laptop is fixable!

Got a call about my computer last night. The repair tech gave me an estimate of $300 to fix it. The optimist in me is budgeting $400. I don't know where that money is coming from right now - wonderful. Good news is that is should be fixed today, after almost 5 months of waiting. I'm excited to have it back.

I'm still angry with Daniel though. It would help if he would defend himself, bluster, complain... anything; but, no, he just looks at you like you're speaking German and then goes and does the dishes. At least we have clean dishes.